Saturday, December 27, 2014

House bill bans verbal abuse on children

House bill bans verbal abuse on children - Manila Standard Today: "The House of Representatives has approved on third and final reading a bill promoting positive and non-violent forms of imposing discipline on children."

Finally, the most vulnerable among us are receiving advocacy and protection.  This bill condemns not only physical abuse but the all too often forgotten form of abuse: verbal.  Kudos to the House of Representatives for providing this form of protection.

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

It doesn’t have to be physical to be abuse.

I love the picture on this site that symbolizes verbal abuse! go take a look. Its a new campaign in Canada and they did a great job. But it is put out by a domestic Violence group--although verbal abuse, Psychological abuse and the like are horribly damaging--it is not violence--with actual physical violence the prescription and prognosis are different! Women in each category should be treated separately..ah but that is for another post. Click through and take a look at the picture:

It doesn’t have to be physical to be abuse.: "You might not notice it’s happening. You may just think it’s normal. It’s not. Verbal and other non-physical abuse can take a serious toll on your psychological and emotional health. "

'via Blog this'

Saturday, December 6, 2014

Men, women face equal verbal abuse at workplace

Although men are less likely to be the target of verbal abuse in a relationship, it appears they are equally targeted in the workplace. This is NOT the equality we are looking for!!!

Read about it here:

Men, women face equal verbal abuse at workplace , "Stephane Guay, lead author of the study tried to identify and summarize all previous research on verbal abuse in the workplace that took into account victims' sex in the analyses. After a rigorous selection process, 29 of the 90 identified studies were considered, most of which (24) were carried out in the health sector."

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Thursday, December 4, 2014

The power of words: Addressing verbal abuse in promoting safe spaces for women

This article helps us realize that verbal abuse can and does occur everywhere from America to Zimbabwe and that although the cultures are very different, the styles of the verbal abusers and the psychological effects of the abused are universal.  The tactics that the abusers use to break down the abused parallel each other worldwide:  they will stress their partners inadequacy and ineptitude, wreaking havoc on the abused sense of self-worth and self-confidence.  And all this typically goes on behind closed doors.


The power of words: Addressing verbal abuse in promoting safe spaces for women:

"I have observed that most women feign mental and emotional stability in public spheres whilst they are suffering from within. They try hard to paint a sunny picture of their lives and hide beautifully the dark clouds of the reality transpiring in their lives."

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Monday, November 24, 2014

Jennifer Lopez opens up about Mental, Verbal & Emotional Abuse

Jennifer Lopez opens up about mental, verbal and emotional abuse:

"“I’ve never gotten a black eye or a busted lip, but I’ve been in relationships where I have felt abused in way or another: mentally, emotionally, verbally,” she writes. “I know what it feels like for your soul to be diminished by the way your loved one is treating you.”"

Abuse does not necessarily equate with black eyes and busted lips.  Having your soul diminished, in Jennifer Lopez's words, is another way one can be abused--and it can happen to anybody as this article clearly shows.


Friday, November 7, 2014

Anita Moorjani in Sedona - Why is this a secret?

I listened to this today--this women is a hero. My cousin in law, Michelle, had me listen to Anita--who was drying of multiple tumors--as she lay dying, she had a NDE and her world was transformed. One of the things she said directly relates to how we allow others to treat us--she said,

"If you love yourself more, others love you more. Other people respect you as much as you respect yourself. I don't understand why this is such a secret." Anita Moorjani 

The message I want to share with you is about respect--don't allow others to verbally abuse you--it hurts you and it hurts them.

The second message was for me. I don't need to be afraid of the upcoming surgery. I know I will not die before my time. I just needed to be reminded of it.

Anita Moorjani in Sedona - YouTube:

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Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Alleged Verbal Abuse at Halloween Horror Nights

I think this is one of those cases where the "actors" for Universal went too far. I applaud the execs for actually apologising and seeing that it will not occur again but this is not a policy of theirs--it was simply a mistake--we, as a society, are getting so much better at not making these kinds of mistakes Thanks Universal!
Execs Apologize for Alleged Verbal Abuse at Halloween Horror Nights | NBC Southern California: "The lawyer for two 13-year-old girls who were called "sluts," "hookers," or "whores" during Halloween Horror Nights earlier this month said Friday the issue has been resolved.
Kayla Beals and Roxy Fisher said last week that they were hurt by the slurs captured in cellphone video.
Girls Claim Universal "Horror Nights" Verbal Abuse
The female employee heard on the cellphone video appears to be part of Universal's "Purge the Anarchy" attraction, part of its special Halloween Horror Nights. Universal Studios and NBC4 are owned by Comcast."

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Thursday, October 23, 2014

More Graduates of the Verbal Abuse Defense Workshop

We always like to share something that each participant has learned. It is by sharing with each other that we give and get support. We have two graduates this weeks, NG and Ruth.

Here are some pics form what they learned:

N GF wrote about Closure, "My issue has been with men in a male dominated,
authoritarian, work environment. I will never have conceptual closure with
them, because they never accepted responsibility. Therefore, I would like to
do something to get the entire system changed to where it will no longer
tolerate or protect their type behavior. That would include getting annual
training implemented on workforce abuse. I would also like to write a book."

Ruth gave us the three affirmations she is using now:
 I do not allow others to call me names.
 I refuse to be manipulated.
I am responsible when I accept abusive behavior.

Good job!

Glenda, You Are NOT a Booger

Dear Glenda (name changed),

So glad you are participating in this free online tutorial to earn a certificate in verbal abuse defense.  I can tell by your answers that you are really thinking about this situation. You wrote, "It makes sense on a logical level, but in practice I'm not convinced. Even if I don't engage, he will continue to yell at me and criticize me. It's easy enough to say that I don't care what he says, but words do hurt the heart."

Yes, words do hurt and we are not saying that you don't care. You are in this workshop, of course you care. We are not asking you to not care; we are asking you to stop allowing the behavior--put a stop to allowing someone to abuse you. As you continue in the workshop and follow with the workbook, you will gain skills in disengaging. Eventually you see that even if he "hurts" your feelings because he isn't loving you the way you picture love, that it isn't you, but him that has the problem. If a little kid runs up to a teacher sobbing about how the bully called him a name and cries, "He called me a booger!" The teacher's best response is, "Well, are you a booger?" and the kid hesitantly replies, "No," and the teach says, "well there you are." The child learns that if he does not accept the name calling, it loses its power. Granted your man  knows how to get a rise out of you (the words that hurt you most)--but learn to substitute the word "booger" for what he calls you--Glenda, are you a booger? No--do not give him that power to destroy you.

I can guarantee that in practice when you take your power back, it all changes. Some partners grow up and learn to value their counterparts--some leave. But in any case, you learn that you are not a booger.

Thursday, October 16, 2014

Egypt deploys female anti-harassment police unit

I don't often think of Egypt when it ocmes to women's rights, but this is great! EAch tiny step aroudn the world where rights are protected is a good thing. thank you Egypt!

Egypt deploys female anti-harassment police unit « ASHARQ AL-AWSAT: "In a sight uncommon to the people of the country, members of the female police unit were deployed across the streets of Cairo and other Egyptian cities during the Eid festival. The initiative has attracted much public attention and has been widely welcomed by Egyptians weary of sexual harassment, a phenomenon that has grown rampant in the country in recent years. Asharq Al-Awsat tried to speak to one of the female police officers, but she politely declined since she cannot speak to the media without formal permission from her superiors."

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Monday, October 13, 2014

Is Verbal Abuse As Bad As Physical Abuse? (VIDEO)

Is Verbal Abuse As Bad As Physical Abuse? (VIDEO): "Is verbal abuse as bad as physical abuse? According to Brian Martin, founder of Children of Domestic Violence  and author of Invincible , the psychological effects are the same."

'via Blog this'

Thursday, October 2, 2014

Contemplating Divorce From His Emotional And Verbal Abuse

I always hate to see someone reach this awful place--where they just can't take it onemore minute--we really bleieve that most marriages can be saved--but it takes work on the part of the target and an understanding that can't abuse you if you don't allow it. Anyway, read her story--it breaks my heart--and if you haven't yet, go enroll in the Verbal Abuse Defense course-(free).

Contemplating Divorce From His Emotional And Verbal Abuse: "ter many hurts from infidelities and emotional and verbal abuse, I’m exhausted and contemplating divorce. I hate myself for allowing myself to come to this. I hate myself for allowing him to get to me. I hate myself for allowing my child to hear us fight like that. I've woken up defeated. I'm definitely divorcing him now, but just have to wait to start getting paid and save money"

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Saturday, September 20, 2014

Lets Congratulate more Graduates from the Tutorial

The recent "Verbal Abuse Defense Certificate" Graduates:   We thank them all for their participation and are sharing some of the insights they learned andhoefully will carry into the future for their own self-respect.

Sharon C. (on closure)
I would understand and know that the perpetrator of abusive behavior would've and will abuse whether i was the target or not.when i learn to keep my power more proficiently, I will avoid getting sucked in to false promises in future.

Em K.  (rewarding behavior)
When we give them what they want, they believe they earned it successfully with their behavior. It is
not kind to allow them to continue this behavior.

Jennifer P.  (how he treats me)
He is a raging bull and his target is me. He acts as if he hates me and lives only to punish me. He
never apologizes for anything and we just move on like it never happened. I may bring it up, but he just denies or blames me for it. I'm fully aware of what he's trying to do.

Catherine M.   (closure)
A mutual acknowledgement that it took two people to end the "relationship". Civility. Just a parting that allows both people to go on with their lives. Respect and regard and well wishes for their future.
Gratitude for lessons learned.

Broken Heart (on rewarding behavior)
 Their behavior will only intensify if we allow our perpetrator to continue to be mean

Penny D.  (How to stop abuse)
Do not respond. Do not react. Do not reward them. Do not accept blame. Do not explain or
apologize. Focus on self-care. Do not allow contact if necessary

Jada L. (on detachment)
 Disassociating one's self from the abuser's behavior; not to dance with them. Also, to keep focused on self staying positive. Remembering that this is what you can do and this is what you cannot do.

Friday, September 12, 2014

Domestic Verbal And Physical Violence Linked To Poor Dental Health; Does Abuse Lead To Cavities?

This is a new twist, but makes sense. A dirty mouth leads to a dirty mouth!

Domestic Verbal And Physical Violence Linked To Poor Dental Health; Does Abuse Lead To Cavities?: "Negative behaviors such as hitting, kicking, insulting, and threatening, ruin the family dynamic’s regular routines, such as tooth brushing and emotional stress eating. "There's a pretty good history in the [medical] literature of lousy family environments being associated with bad health, so I guess our findings aren't surprising in that regard," the study’s co-author Michael Lorber, di"

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Tuesday, September 2, 2014

My View: Freedom of speech or verbal abuse? -

This is something we have to think about with verbal abuse--I am a staunch first amendment rights person and when my ex called me names. I told him that he could not say that to me.

He replied, "I can say any goddamned thing I want to!"

and I have to agree--he can. He just can't say them to me.  And that is the crucial. If he want s to talk like that--well, OK. Your first amendment right prevails. However, if you want to say it to me, my self-respect prevails. I chose to respect myself and remove myself from the presence of those that don't respect me.

I hope you feel the same--see what this board member says about it--even though he is not talking about a marriage or relationship, the principle is the same:

My View: Freedom of speech or verbal abuse? - Opinion - Journal Standard - Freeport, IL: "I’ve been on the Stephenson County Board for close to two years now and almost every time certain board members or members of the audience begin shouting or using abusive language. Any attempt by the chair or other members of the board to censure such behavior is met by opposition from some board members as a violation of First Amendment rights of freedom of speech"

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Thursday, August 7, 2014

Verbal abuse is a behavior, not a disease

Recognizing abusive behavior - Star Exponent: Columnists: "Verbal abuse is a behavior not a disease.  Emotional abuse is used to control, humiliate, degrade and punish a spouse.  When a woman (or a man) suffers this abuse she starts to change her own behavior to keep her partner happy and at times becomes fearful of her partner.  The happier the partner, the less the spouse has to suffer.  She will doubt herself and her own sense of reality because emotional abuse is meant to cause the victim to question her every thought and behavior."

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Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Pin by Patricia Moore, LCSW on Verbal Abuse | Pinterest

Here's a Pintrest poster on verbal abuse that was posted by Patricia Moore over on Pintrest. I was drawn to what she put up--it relates to kids--and kids are people too. One of my greatest regrets in raising my daughter is that I was verbally abusive to her when growing up..ugg. Wish I could take so many things back!

Go take a peek at her pin--

Pin by Patricia Moore, LCSW on Verbal Abuse | Pinterest:

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Thursday, July 3, 2014

Sticks, stones and slurs

Interesting look at an American saying in the Indian times--how does our language add to us accepting verbal abuse?

Sticks, stones and slurs - The Times of India: "What's public humiliation and a few expletives in comparison? Sticks and stones being more damaging and all."

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Wednesday, May 28, 2014

A letter to my devious ex | Women24

Well, I don't agree with everything this woman says--but then again we don't have to agree with everything--she makes a couple great points--One being that together we can change things about how folks see abusive relationships and next, she has a list of signs that you might be in an abusive relationship. I like her take on it as it is not the same old same old--sort of a fresh look at he treats you as a BIG disappointment.

A letter to my devious ex | Women24: "1. A big disappointment. Your always treated you like you’re a big disappointment. They always pick flaws with what you do.

You try so hard to please them by bending over backwards, because you don’t want to upset them. And most importantly, you crave for their acknowledgement and compliments more than anything else!"

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Sunday, May 25, 2014

Powerful Photos Illustrate the Real Damage Done by Verbal Abuse


ou have got to see these pictures--powerful--a great way to illustrate what verbal abuse and name calling do to us. Please go here and look at each one a share on your face book page--or your own blog!

Powerful Photos Illustrate the Real Damage Done by Verbal Abuse:

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Thursday, May 15, 2014

Understanding Verbal Abuse | Morningside Recovery

From Morningside comes a basic article discussing verbal abuse and who and how it affects. Other than the fact they use the proverbial word "victim"--it gives a good overview of the problem, some resources, and a way to find treatment. It's worth seeing what they have to offer, maybe calling them. There are some people that actually are so oppressed and wounded that only treatment of some kind will bring them out of it. Check them out.

Understanding Verbal Abuse | Morningside Recovery:

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Thursday, May 8, 2014

he killing power of verbal abuse with steel letterings

You have got to see this Youtube  on verbal abuse: It isn't just here--try verbal abuse in china.

Ogilvy Beijing illustrates the killing power of verbal abuse with steel letterings – POPSOP - Brands That Teach: Sustainability, Ethical Marketing, Innovations & Creativity: "The team behind the Words Can be Weapons project studied the cases of young murderers. These people heard a lot of bad words from their parents and teachers. This influenced their personality in a dramatic way, seeding aggression and hatred of others. When they grew older, they committed awful crimes and killed people."

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Saturday, April 26, 2014

Needs help with verbal abuse - from the wife!

Least we forget--men can be verbally and emotionally abused too--and its harder to detect because men are less likely to complain or seek help for it. Here's a good story and a good bit of advice:

Needs help with verbal abuse - The Hutchinson News: Advice: "His wife has a serious drinking problem, and when she’s had too much, she goes berserk, screaming hateful things to her husband in front of others. It’s horrific. I can’t tell whether it’s only the alcohol talking or whether she has deep-seated issues. I realize there will be no change until she admits she has a problem."

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Friday, April 18, 2014

BUY Respect-Me R.U.L.E.S-Text and Workbook

We've had another graduate--Kirsten--she did great! Kirsten worked harder than most at getting it right. After completing the benefits section, she wrote us:

BUY Respect-Me R.U.L.E.S-Text and Workbook: "I'm working through the individual workbook, having many lightbulbs go on, also some confirmation that I am improving in my abilities to demand respect, particularly when it comes to the "secondary benefits" section.  There were some benefits that definitely used to be true for me, but no longer are. ~Kristen S. "
Kirsten even got a book for her mom! This reminds me that we have a great discount if you buy both the text and the workbook.

Buy several sets, save more

Let us know how the workshop is working for you!

'via Blog this'

Friday, April 11, 2014

Self Care

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Egyptian woman call for harsher punishment for abuse

I am so glad to see women from other countries standing up for their rights!

Egyptian woman call for harsher punishment for abuse | Middle East | Worldbulletin News: "A group of women in Egypt are campaigning to toughen the punishments for physical and verbal abuse towards women."

'via Blog this'

Monday, April 7, 2014

Verbal Abuse Complaint Letter

I ran across this verbal abuse complaint letter template on the Internet and got to thinking--what if we wrote complaint letters to our partners? Who would we send the complaint letter? Their mother? a government agency? (in France it not legal to verbally abuse your partner) How about but God? Or our Higher Self? I think it would be a great exercise to write such a complaint letter. It would get our attention--who has the power to stop this? To stop us from accepting verbal abuse?

If you write such a letter--send it to us

here's the template online:

Verbal Abuse Complaint Letter: "I believe that the entire staff has been affected by this atmosphere of negative and threatening behavior. I trust in your discretion and promptness in addressing and mediating this matter as soon as possible.

Thank you for your time and consideration."

'via Blog this'

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

For "victims" who choose to hang on to their relationships.

This video has been added to our free online workshop. She (the character) actually understands the concept that when we "help" them again and again--we actually reinforce the bad behavior and give them no reason to change--many think that we blame the "victim" again for the abuse. Not true. We recognize that you need a new set of eyes to see what is really going on. You help them more by withdrawing  your "help" than by reinforcing the bad behavior. Watch, and then watch again!

Sunday, March 30, 2014

A question and Lesson from the workshop on Verbal Abuse Defense.

Hi K,

You pose a great question and one that many ask, including myself when you want to know why a person would want to destroy someone's self respect and self worth. However, what we have learned about people who fall into this abuse pattern is that they are not concentrating so much on you as on on their own fears. so the goal is not so much to destroy your self-respect as to give them control over putting you down, they get a false sense of power (well its not so much false when they "win"). We give them our power.

So the abuser is not saying, "Hey I'm going to destroy your self worth," they are actually saying, "I am in charge, you are nothing, you need me to function, I am worth more then you so bend to my will."

In addition you make a good point, "For example, it would take more work to invite someone to share your religion than it would to simply forbid the target from practicing the religion of her own choosing." Yet, it takes a lot of energy to continually hold someone down. They have to constantly watch and monitor and ferret out "misdeeds" of their target. That takes energy. But they are so afraid that you will be independent, whole, not needing them...a partnership and mutual respect is something they fear they cannot hold up to. So they belittle you, take control, smash your self worth--and they do this to the degree that you let them. Some partners do it because they can--others have such deep seated problems they cannot stop no matter what.

In the case of the partners (both men and women) who do it because their target has trained them to and allowed them to abuse them, those people can often change once the target puts a stop to it. To the abusers who have the deep seated problems--they need a lot more help and will often leave the target once the target no longer allows it.
You are a Target-Respect-Me R.U.L.E.S-Workshop: "This workshop is your introduction to the Miracle Principle and a new way of thinking about abuse

It is such a simple idea that it escapes even some very wise counselors in the the domestic abuse arena. Learn all about the Miracle Principle and why you never have to be verbally, mentally, financially, sexually, or emotionally abused again. Stopping domestic abuse really is in your hands."

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Saturday, March 29, 2014

Is Screaming and Yelling Verbal Abuse

the answer of course is YES...screaming and yelling are verbal abuse. It is usually an anger management problem and I hope you are not allowing it. I had one of our participants say recently on the free online workshop, "I feel like I am not standing up for myself when I walk away."

Yet we know that when we fight back that they use our stance against us--they engage us in the abuse then accuse US of abusing them!  No--it is not "standing up for ourselves when we fight back. It is encouraging and egging on the abuse. Walking away is saying, "I do not allow people to treat me this way. If you treat me this way, I will leave. I chose to be around people who do nto scream and yell at me." If every time they scream and yell you disappear--they will stop. If you scream back or try to reason, you are engaged and it is the same as rewarding them. You are giving them something to twist and throw back in your face.

when my husband yelled, I held up my hand and said STOP. It confused him and after yelling at me one last time, "I can say any god-damned thing I want" he walked away from me. Once he didn't and continued to yell, so I left--he finally learned I would not stand for him yelling at me. So is it better to leave and let them know you will not stand for it, or is it better to "stand up for yourself" engage him or her and continue the abuse again and again and again?

Here's a brief article on it at

Screaming And Yelling – Is Screaming and Yelling Verbal Abuse: ""My husband yells constantly. The least little thing sets him off. The other day I didn’t load the dishwasher the way he thought it should be. For 30 minutes, I had to listen to him yelling and cursing about how he is the only one here who knows how to do things the right way."

'via Blog this'

Thursday, March 20, 2014

How Psychotherapy Changes the Brain

If you take meds because you are "unhappy" or depressed in your relationship, please consider making behavioral changes in learning how to respect yourself by stopping abuse--it just may create the changes in your brain that the meds do. There are two benefits: One, changing behavior and responses does not cost money, and you have the added benefit of knowing that your real life has changed for the better--not just your brain chemistry to make you feel better in a bad situation.

Healthy Minds. Healthy Lives.: How Psychotherapy Changes the Brain: "Psychotherapy is also “biological” in that it can lead to real functional and structural changes in the brain.   In fact, sometimes psychotherapy and medication produce surprisingly similar changes in the brain.  We still have a lot to learn about the topic, but below are some examples of what researchers have been finding so far."

'via Blog this'

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Hualapai Nation | Grand Canyon West

My sister and I visited the Grand Canyon Skywalk hosted by the Hualapai (pronounced wallapie) and she found this Hualapai seal and the wisdom behind it which I want to share. To any couple experiencing any abuse--verbal and emotional from your partner, please read what the Hualapai have to say. If only we were taught this principle as children instead of the "Be nice to him and show him you love him and he will be nice back." Unfortunately that path usually teaches them that if he is mean to you, you are nice to him in return and what does he learn? That being mean makes you nicer!

Hualapai Nation | Grand Canyon West: "The Great Spirit created Man and Woman in his own image. In doing so, both were created as equals. Both depending on each other in order to survive. Great respect was shown for each other, in doing so, happiness and contentment was achieved them as it should be now."

'via Blog this'

Saturday, March 15, 2014

‘Verbal abuse amounts to domestic violence’

Other countries are waking up to verbal abuse issues and the fact that women are not your property! Of Course France leads the pack with their laws against verbal abuse, but the US has the most social support for the issue. Now India is making strides...They are mentioning the fact that other women living with extended families are also targets--true. When my husband was verbally and emotionally abusing me, he also made life uncomfortable for my Mom when she came to visit. I remember one time when angry and driving us someplace, he kept jerking on the breaks and flipping our heads back at every stop. I asked him to stop but that only made him angrier. My mom refused to visit any longer--I am so glad that bully is out of my life!

Read about India's new laws here:
The Morung Express: Nagaland Latest & Breaking News, Northeast & India News - ‘Verbal abuse amounts to domestic violence’:"He also stressed on various issues underlining that even a mere verbal abuse by a husband amounts to domestic violence. He spoke on protection of wife or female live-in partner from domestic violence at the hands of the husband or male live-in partner or his relatives." The law also extends its protection to women living in a household such as sisters, widows or mothers, he said, adding domestic violence under the above mentioned Act includes actual abuse or threat of abuse whether physical, sexual, verbal, emotional or economic.

'via Blog this'

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Woman accused of being intoxicated and trying to start fights at an AA meeting (02/27/14)

I feel sorry for her--BUT she was abusing a group of people who want to stay sober--at least the meeting did not tolerate her abuse and defended their own rights. Good for them.

Greene County Daily World: Local News: Woman accused of being intoxicated and trying to start fights at an AA meeting (02/27/14): "One woman was arrested Monday after police got a call that an intoxicated woman was starting fights in a church in Linton where several people were trying to have an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting."

'via Blog this'

Saturday, February 15, 2014

Student-athletes should be protected from verbal abuse

We train other people how to treat us--that is the main message of Respect-Me-Rules. And the other side of the coin is that we learn how to abuse and be abused from others. Students in sports routinely are verbally abused as this opinion piece points out: "Athletes share a common denominator in the sense they receive so much verbal abuse. Professional and student-athletes share the responsibility of dealing with the constant heckling of fans and personal attacks on their character, but when enough is enough, isn't it enough?"

I don't have a strong opinion on this--I am not one of those who think kids on horses and bikes and walking down the street need helmets--So I don't think our athletes have to stop listening to coaches--or worse--stop playing altogether--we need a certain amount of "toughening up" or we'll be 'victims" all of our lives and expect others to rescue us. But its worth explaining and keeping in mind that sports is rough--and we might want to see what we are actually teaching our athletes with the verbal abuse things. Is there another way to do this? read below:

Foul play: Student-athletes should be protected from verbal abuse - : Opinion: "When you wake up every morning, do you ever look at yourself in the mirror and critique yourself? Do you point out your many weaknesses as a person emotionally, physically or mentally?
If you are one of the many people who answered no, then maybe you should think twice before you saddle up to get on your high horse."

'via Blog this'

Thursday, February 6, 2014

Verbal abuse damaging to children - Angry all the time

here's a Dewar Abbey one (is she still alive???)

Someone writes in that her "good" husband is angry all the time. Well being angry all the time is abusive--what a horrible way to live. My ex was angry all the time--and he took his anger out on me. He used to say after he tore something up or destroyed some or punched a hole in the wall, "I hate it when this happens because then you focus on what I did and not on what you did to cause it."

I hated it that he thought I caused his anger! People are responsible for their own feelings and if they try to make you responsible, then they get abusive, or whiny, and certainly co-dependent. How does anger look in your relationships--is it healthy, "Ooh, I'm pissed I dropped that dang rock on my foot," or is it "Son of a B--why did you distract me and make me drop this on my foot."

The second response means you have an abusive spouse. read the story here:

Verbal abuse damaging to children - Times Union: "DEAR ABBY: My husband is a hard worker, a good provider and a good dad. However, he's angry all the time. It has been this way for as long as I can remember. He is aware of it, and always promises me that when this or that settles down, things will get better, but they never do."

'via Blog this'

Thursday, January 30, 2014

Another graduate from the Verbal Defense Abuse tutorial

YEA! for Patrizia C. from the United Kingdom, she just graduated and earned her certificate. In lesson three she wrote a great answer that we particularly like.

By giving to abusers everything they want and by allowing them to mean to as, actually we act in a  wrong why because we make them think that their behavior is right and they don't see the need to change and improve it.
You did a good job Patrizia. If the rest of you haven't taken the tutorial, think about it now. It makes a difference in how you look at abuse.

Respect Me Rules Workshop Introduction: "Introduction

Our FREE Web-based Tutorial will help you understand abusive issues in depth. On this page we present a brief introduction to the tutorial and some guidelines. The tutorial is divided into four sections designed to help build your understanding of the skills used by those who go from victim to victor. The tutorial is free but you must complete all four forms at the end of each section in order to earn your Verbal Abuse Defense Certificate."

'via Blog this'

Verbal Abuse Is the Key to Weight Loss

So here is a guy in the UK that believes he can help people lose weight by being verbally abusive. Hmmm.

I don't know whether to thank him for honestly (which I believe works for breaking old patterns) or whether I want to throttle him for heaping on the coals.

At Respect Me Rules we defiantly tell the truth--you allow yourself to be verbally and emotionally abused and until you can accept this, you will continue to allow (and thus encourage) your own abuse. On the other hand, how many times did I hear how "flabby" I was? I could not wear short shorts because I was too old and wrinkly--and saggy--my abuser could not call me fat because I was thin--so he found another way to hurt--I was 'saggy" and "out of shape." So this guy ripping an fat people--well... I just don't know. Read about it here:

HyperVocal | Verbal Abuse Is the Key to Weight Loss, According to UK Hypnotherapist: "“But I won’t give them an inch – they have given themselves too many already. I won’t sweet-talk, because they’ve had enough sweets already. And I won’t have any of that ‘Oh, I’m big-boned’ rubbish. If they come out with excuses, I look them in the eye and say, ‘Stay fat then. Don’t waste my time’.”"

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Wednesday, January 15, 2014

73% of Saudi wives verbally abused, says study |

I sometimes am so grateful that I don't have to face a whole culture that treatment women as property! You think we have it bad, think what it is like in some other countries when it comes to accepting verbal and emotional abuse--this article made me cringe.
73% of Saudi wives verbally abused, says study | Arab News — Saudi Arabia News, Middle East News, Opinion, Economy and more.: "Al-Subai clarified in the study that raising the voice, silencing a spouse in public or verbally humiliating, cursing her or her parents and family, using sexually explicit profanities, degrading her physical appearance, or avoiding using her name when addressing her all constitute forms of verbal abuse."

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Tuesday, January 14, 2014

The Top 10 Signs of Abuse and another grduate

Below is an article on how to recognize verbal abuse. It is not always easy when you are smack in the middle of it--so its good to review the signs now and again--today is the day you review this.

For Rachel L--who just graduated from the tutorial in Verbal Abuse Defense--she is learning how to repsond (or not as the case may be) Congratulations Rachel..

How to Recognize Verbal Abuse - The Top 10 Signs of Abuse: "Verbal abuse, or mental abuse, is passed on like a life-threatening disease throughout the family.  We choose mates, places of employment and friends based upon family patterns of familiarity.  No one ever intends to become verbally abusive, but it happens more often than we care to admit."

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Thursday, January 2, 2014

Starting off the new year with new graduate

What a great way to begin 2014! Kirby in CA just earned her certificate in Verbal abuse Defense.

For those of you on Section three (we have quite a few)--go ahead and finish the last section. Sometimes it seems as if it doesn't make sense to complete--but the lessons are designed to help change the way you think about "abuse." So finish up and we'll send your certificate too!

Amy said that her partner constantly used "Name calling, degradation, lying, public humiliation..." We do not have to live this way. So take back your power--let us show you how in our work books--this is the year of change.

My cousin gave me a dragon fly necklace for Christmas. Dragon flys symbolize transformation and change--yes, 2014 is the year of chance--let it change you!