Wednesday, April 25, 2018

The Most Effective Way to Put an End to Verbal Abuse

Ignoring the content of what the verbal abuser is saying is very difficult--it is best NOT to try the Respect-Me Rules until you understand what you are doing and will be consistent. Ignore the content and call them out for their abuse--do not put up with it and it stops--honest! In this article in Psycology Today--they support what Mike and I have said for years in Respect Me Rules.
The Most Effective Way to Put an End to Verbal Abuse | Psychology Today: "The only effective way to put an end to verbal abuse is to call out the abuser each time they strike. If someone blames you for something you have no control over, you need to ignore the actual content of what's been said, identify the type of abuse employed, name it, and calmly ask the abuser to stop it (Evans, 2009)."

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Sunday, February 11, 2018

Reese Witherspoon Says Leaving an Abusive Relationship 'Changed Me on a Cellular Level'

This is courage! We are so glad she shares her story! The more targets that come forward, the better it gets for everyone. | Reese Witherspoon Says Leaving an Abusive Relationship 'Changed Me on a Cellular Level': "During an interview with her Wrinkle in Time co-star, Oprah Winfrey, as part of Super Soul Sunday, the 41-year-old actress shares that the "most difficult decision" she ever had to make to fulfill her destiny was "leaving an abusive relationship."


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Saturday, December 9, 2017

Woman Getting All Defensive About Inherent Worth And Selfhood

Made me laugh! worth reading to see things from the other side of the street.
Woman Getting All Defensive About Inherent Worth And Selfhood: "“It’s like I can’t say a single cruel and demeaning thing without her getting touchy about her value as a human being,” said boyfriend Brad Larsen, adding that Resper gets “totally bent out of shape” every time he tries to completely discount what she wants to do with her life or clearly demonstrates that his needs are always going to be more important than hers. “Jesus, she’s so thin-skinned about constantly being told to be something she’s not. Seriously, I make the slightest attempt to diminish her or undermine any pride she may have in her accomplishments, and she just lashes out.”"

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Sunday, December 3, 2017

Emotional abuse takes toll |

This woman understands but as if often the case--only after 20 years of taking it, does she finally "get it." Sigh. C, now is making a difference and speaking out--Do you or do the men in your life out? “You don’t know that all this domineering behaviour is actually domestic violence,” she said.
Emotional abuse takes toll | The Flinders News: "But burning most fiercely in her heart, is the need to recognise that non-physical abuse can take as much toll as the physical forms of coercion. “Mental cruelty can take the form of yelling, isolating you from friends and family, threatening you, controlling you and being constantly critical of you,” Claire said. “It is a shock to me that the worst form of domestic violence has the least penalty."

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Sunday, November 19, 2017

Silent Treatment verses No Contact: | The Savvy Shrink

Lots of times the participants of our online workshop want to make sure they don't act the same way as their abuser when they defend themselves. This is the case with the Silent Treatment used by the abuser to punish their partner and the No Contact used by the target to protect themselves. No, it is not the same thing.

This is an article by the Savy Shrink that makes the distinction for you.
Silent Treatment, Ghosting, and No Contact: Telling It Like It Is | The Savvy Shrink: "Time and again people are confusing the concepts of silent treatment, ghosting, and no contact. These topics are deployed as relates to communication between dating partners, friends, family members, and colleagues, and not always with the best of intentions. So to further assist with defining each of these concepts, the purpose of said action, and the intended response by the “executioner” of such statements shall be the focus of this article."

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Tuesday, September 12, 2017

8 Keys to Handling Adult Bullies | Psychology Today

If your partner bullies you, here are some points to keep in mind--they work hand in hand with th Respect Me Rules.

8 Keys to Handling Adult Bullies | Psychology Today: "“Bullies win when you’re upset.” — NCAB A common characteristic of bullies is that they project their aggression to push your buttons and keep you off balance. By doing so, they create an advantage from which they can exploit your weaknesses. If you are required to deal with an adult bully, one of the most important rules of thumb is to keep your cool"

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Thursday, August 31, 2017

Three New Graduates in Verbal Abuse Defense

We have three new graduates from our online course in Verbal Abuse Defence. We also have another guy who participated and he was quite insightful. It's true that abuse affects any type of couple and any gender--most often we hear of the man abusing the woman and certainly that is more common. But we can't forget the abusive women also--and we appreciate participation from any gender as we share the beauty of understanding the Miracle Principle.

Here are a few highlights from our participants:

Jamie T wrote this in what she wanted for closure, "I would like a divorce. His manipulation and controlling ways have such a negative effect on my ability to better myself and thus my family. As well as our children, they deserve a Father who is willing to do what is right for their betterment. I enable him to not change, we are no good for each other."

Dr. Marshall and I try to prevent couples breaking up if we can. Divorce is rough and if one hasn't dealt with the issues in this marriage--they often bring the same issues into the next. Jamie, we wish you well.

I loved what our guy graduate, SG, shared about detachment, "Detachment means separating myself from my wife's emotions, actions and behaviour. I am not responsible for any of those things, and they cannot affect my life more than I allow them to. Since I understand now that I am being abused, my priority is to ensure that I do not allow my wife to affect things important to me, while letting go of the idea that I can control or influence her into caring for me. Emotionally, financially, and otherwise, my life is my own and her life is her own. I will not attempt to harm her, I will not break my commitments, but I will also not try to make her behavior 'better', and I will not allow her to affect me."

KM is the final participant who earned a certificate this month. She was brief in her lessons, but right to the point. This is what she wrote about responding to her partner's abuse, "Do not respond. Take back your power. Yes, it makes sense. I have let him abuse me by not stopping it."

Your certificates have been emailed. Please print them out and frame them so you remember where RESPECT begins. It begins with you.