Friday, April 28, 2017

Verbal abuse during pregnancy increases risk of postpartum depression: survey



Verbal abuse during pregnancy increases risk of postpartum depression: survey - The Mainichi: "The study indicates that postnatal depression occurs at a considerably high rate among pregnant victims of domestic violence. Postpartum depression is often seen over a period of several months from childbirth, with physical symptoms including insomnia and lack of appetite. It is said to affect one in 10 mothers. Because serious cases can lead to suicide or child abuse, a system began this month in Japan to have the central government and local bodies subsidize the cost of medical checks for mothers two weeks and one month after childbirth"



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Tuesday, April 11, 2017

Mobbed, but Thriving | Stop Bullying Coalition

We generally experience bullying from our spouses in interpersonal relationships--but here's a new look at being a target--it's called "mobbing" and Janice Harper outlines the problem in her book,  What to Do When They Really Are Out to Get You, (Tacoma:Backdoor Press, 2013). (paper) Essentially this about becoming the target of a group of people--why it happens and how to protect yourself.

Mobbed, but Thriving | Stop Bullying Coalition: "In order to "...help targets of group aggression find a safer and saner way to cope and overcome the brutality of bullying, mobbing and shunning," she wrote a book on mobbing. In it, Harper provides a perceptive analysis of aggressive group processes and how they interact with individual psychology and institutional settings. The book comprises an excellent review of human interaction patterns leading to mobbing, an analysis of the conditions faced by a mobbing victim in the workplace, and extensive practical advice to enable a victim to survive and avoid becoming a permanent victim. Harper presents essential down-to-earth guidance on how targets of mobbing can protect themselves emotionally, socially, and professionally."


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Thursday, March 23, 2017

New bill set to nail spouses who psychologically abuse their partners –Scottland

First France, then wales and England created laws against phycological abuse of a spouse...now Scottland looks like they will join ranks with them.

Question: Would it be a good idea to have such a law in the US? I am torn. Since I know the only way to be abused mentally is to allow it--what happens to people who allow it? Do we create a dependent snowflake society where they need to punish people who make them feel bad? Or is this just a way to deal with bullies? It needs more thought. Read the article below for the details.
Nicola Sturgeon’s new bill set to nail spouses who psychologically abuse their partners – The Scottish Sun: "And it will clamp down on cases where people “coercively control” spouses or lovers. The First Minister launched the legislation yesterday as she met abuse survivors at a Glasgow Young Women’s Movement centre. She said: “I am proud that, as a society, we’ve come a long way from believing domestic abuse is only a physical act. “The psychological scars left by emotional abuse can have devastating effects on victims. This will help police and prosecutors hold abusers to account.” The Domestic Abuse (Scotland) Bill will bring Scots Law into line with England and Wales. It creates an offence of “abusive behaviour towards a partner or ex-partner”."



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Tuesday, March 14, 2017

From the Netherlands: Jesus are Anti-Abuse

This is insightful. Becky is sharing about what abuse is and isn't and tells us that it is anti Jesus! What does that mean? Read her story--she walks the walk and I find this story sweet and worth reading.

The Ethics of Jesus are Anti-Abuse (Becky Castle Miller): "Sometimes women are being abused and don’t realize it, because their male partners are not ripping down cabinets and leaving bruises. It’s important to understand what abuse is: “A pattern of coercive control that proceeds from a mentality of entitlement to power, whereby, through intimidation, manipulation and isolation, the abuser keeps his target subordinated and under his control. This pattern can be emotional, verbal, psychological, spiritual, sexual, financial, social and physical.” "



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Saturday, December 17, 2016

Damage Caused By Verbal Abuse - Science proves it, now what?

This is really a detailed article about bullying children. And it is pretty much wrong. It pertains to bully soccer coaches and how it damages the kids they coach. We know that and we know that scientific studies prove it. The damage goes deep. We know this too. This article discusses both sides of the debate about bully coaches:
I call out a bully coach, he gets his hackles up and fights back, more adults jump on either side of the debate and we all start slinging dirt until we get tired, bored, or distracted and move on but the one group who lives with this – the group who actually incur damages – are forgotten. Children.

But what the article doesn't cover is how this carries over to our personal relationships. Is it societies tolerance for such bullying that prepares us to accept such behavior in a marriage? Or is it society trying to shield kids from bullies that causes the damage? According to this article, bullying in sports causes every bad thing known to man--such as a weakened immune system, damage to connective tissue, obesity, drug abuse, mood disorders, smaller brains, Thinner Myelin Sheaths (skinny nerves), weaker brain cells, and finally "Learned helplessness and reduced self-esteem" Oh for heaven's sake.

The problem is us letting kids think they have no power--teach them to not put up with abuse! From anyone. Then you begin to build character. Bullying doesn't build character, but teaching kids not to react or to push against bullying does.

When are we going to stop framing everyone as a victim? Until we do, we will continue to produce kids who threaten to kill themselves when a candidate they don't like wins an election--don't let your kids be bullied--but not by teaching them to be a victim but by teaching them self respect and how to demand it from others. Read the article here:

Damage Caused By Verbal Abuse - Soccer Nation:



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Tuesday, November 29, 2016

East Missoula gets hit with antisemitic fliers; schools report verbal abuse |

I am always ashamed of supposedly conservative groups who target other groups of people for race, religion, ethnicity, sexual orientation--in fact it sickens me. One of reasons this verbal abusive situation in Missoula caught my eye is because my daughter and grandchildren live in Montana.
I personally suffered at the hands of the Posse Comitatus in Idaho years ago (sued a member of the PC and unbeknownst to me, the judge was a member also, so I lost a clear cut case!) but that aside, So the American nazi party and groups like the Posse Comitatus are considered right wing groups! I am conservative and the America Nazi Party and Posse Comitatus are not conservative! They are closer to the left wing nut jobs who are so intolerant of anyone who doesn't agree with them. So why do so many (like members of my own family) persist in thinking these guys are conservatives and grouping me in with them???

I do not believe in verbally abusing others--in bullying them--that is one of the reasons I was resistant to voting for a big bully Trump. (I did vote in the end for him because I was voting for the Supreme Court nominee). But of course, verbal abuse does not follow political lines.

Still, I resent being lumped in with verbal abusers as if any group of A-holes who go after other groups makes them conservatives (that sort of ignores what the far left is doing, doesn't it?). At Quora there is a very good essay that explains why people are confused on this-- remember that Nazis are socialists!!!!! NOT CONSERVATIVES,

Our kids are not taught history anymore and that is a huge problem with this issue--here is what


Now we have seen Nazis were not really right, but why does everyone say that?
Remember how Nazis came to power: Dolchstosslegende - the communist Jew was the devil in person. What was the ideology farthest away from this? - A social-democratic Right (today we would rather say a national conservative Right). - They defined themselves that way to be a counter part to the so called Jewish communism, and neo Nazis still continue to consider themselves far right today. Media does what they always do and copy paste - Voilà, most without a degree in political science think: nazism = being far right.
So I'm telling you this--those hate groups have little to nothing to do with conservatism. Nothing to do with me. I am a conservative but believe in respecting other's choices. I believe in giving them the space they need to be who they are--I am not at all supportive of traditional hard core religious folks who claim to know what the Bible says for everyone, or Muslims who claim to know what the Qoran says for everyone, or the Posse Comitatus or the American Nazi party or any group that spews hate--the far left (Nazis) and the far right (religious intolerance) or even sometime bullies like Trump are not in my group.

Whatever party you identify with,I hope they are not in your group either--verbal abuse comes from people who want control over others-- conservatism is about respect for what you believe as long as it is a two way street.

Here is the news release I refer to:
East Missoula gets hit with antisemitic fliers; schools report verbal abuse | Helena Local News Feed | helenair.com:
PS: I have to say, Trump appears to be doing a lot better than I thought he would--so I am hoping that the bully stuff was just his way of "winning" and now that he has to turn the bully off--the verbal abuse and the disrespect.

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Sunday, November 20, 2016

Verbal Abuse Defense Workshop Graduates

We have two November graduates, Chesta and Chole. Both of them were very thorough.

Chesta explained what she learned about not allowing her partner to "control" her feelings. She wrote, "Do not engage in a conflict with the abuser and take back power. Target should walk away when the partner's angry and do not allow the abuser to control his/her feelings."

When talking about keeping their secrets, she also had empathy for you, the reader. She said one of her favorite reasons for not keeping was to "have some sympathy for his next target. By telling, at least the new person goes in with their eyes open." Oh how we wish that was really true. We find that most women simply think, "That won't happen to me." And they ignore the red flag. But at least she can tell her, "I tried to help the next one."

Chesta, you did a GREAT Job.

When asked, "How should you respond to verbal abuse?." Chloe answered, "It does make sense to me. It makes sense because, like how you choose the people you hang around/put up with, your spouse is another one of those people. You have theoretically made a promise to work at staying with them for the rest of your life so the first step is to not allow them to talk to you certain ways but if that doesn't work, then you may need to leave their company. The choice is up to you."

We do choose the people we hang out with and we do choose our partners. But we don't automatically "choose" an abuser. We actually help create them too. They act in a controlling manner and we try harder to please.. by trying harder, we actually reinforce their behavior--reward them so to speak. But Chole learned a lot. She learned that we do not allow them to talk to us in a demeaning manner. That is difficult for many. They think their partner should "just know." But they don't so we have to teach them what we allow and what we don't. She promised herself, "I will only participate in conversations where I am addressed in an adult manner."

That's what we like to hear.

We've had a few targets begin the tutorial and get to lesson three and then drop out. Rachel, Holly, Johan, and Elizebeth. We know the lessons are rough when you have to look at yourself and choices you've made. But seeing ourselves is the first step to change. Remember, you really can not change your partner, only yourself. We hope you return and finish.

Congratulations to all our participants--and those who haven't yet taken the tutorial, you can begin right now: Verbal Abuse Defense Workshop