Thursday, March 23, 2017

New bill set to nail spouses who psychologically abuse their partners –Scottland

First France, then wales and England created laws against phycological abuse of a spouse...now Scottland looks like they will join ranks with them.

Question: Would it be a good idea to have such a law in the US? I am torn. Since I know the only way to be abused mentally is to allow it--what happens to people who allow it? Do we create a dependent snowflake society where they need to punish people who make them feel bad? Or is this just a way to deal with bullies? It needs more thought. Read the article below for the details.
Nicola Sturgeon’s new bill set to nail spouses who psychologically abuse their partners – The Scottish Sun: "And it will clamp down on cases where people “coercively control” spouses or lovers. The First Minister launched the legislation yesterday as she met abuse survivors at a Glasgow Young Women’s Movement centre. She said: “I am proud that, as a society, we’ve come a long way from believing domestic abuse is only a physical act. “The psychological scars left by emotional abuse can have devastating effects on victims. This will help police and prosecutors hold abusers to account.” The Domestic Abuse (Scotland) Bill will bring Scots Law into line with England and Wales. It creates an offence of “abusive behaviour towards a partner or ex-partner”."



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Tuesday, March 14, 2017

From the Netherlands: Jesus are Anti-Abuse

This is insightful. Becky is sharing about what abuse is and isn't and tells us that it is anti Jesus! What does that mean? Read her story--she walks the walk and I find this story sweet and worth reading.

The Ethics of Jesus are Anti-Abuse (Becky Castle Miller): "Sometimes women are being abused and don’t realize it, because their male partners are not ripping down cabinets and leaving bruises. It’s important to understand what abuse is: “A pattern of coercive control that proceeds from a mentality of entitlement to power, whereby, through intimidation, manipulation and isolation, the abuser keeps his target subordinated and under his control. This pattern can be emotional, verbal, psychological, spiritual, sexual, financial, social and physical.” "



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Saturday, December 17, 2016

Damage Caused By Verbal Abuse - Science proves it, now what?

This is really a detailed article about bullying children. And it is pretty much wrong. It pertains to bully soccer coaches and how it damages the kids they coach. We know that and we know that scientific studies prove it. The damage goes deep. We know this too. This article discusses both sides of the debate about bully coaches:
I call out a bully coach, he gets his hackles up and fights back, more adults jump on either side of the debate and we all start slinging dirt until we get tired, bored, or distracted and move on but the one group who lives with this – the group who actually incur damages – are forgotten. Children.

But what the article doesn't cover is how this carries over to our personal relationships. Is it societies tolerance for such bullying that prepares us to accept such behavior in a marriage? Or is it society trying to shield kids from bullies that causes the damage? According to this article, bullying in sports causes every bad thing known to man--such as a weakened immune system, damage to connective tissue, obesity, drug abuse, mood disorders, smaller brains, Thinner Myelin Sheaths (skinny nerves), weaker brain cells, and finally "Learned helplessness and reduced self-esteem" Oh for heaven's sake.

The problem is us letting kids think they have no power--teach them to not put up with abuse! From anyone. Then you begin to build character. Bullying doesn't build character, but teaching kids not to react or to push against bullying does.

When are we going to stop framing everyone as a victim? Until we do, we will continue to produce kids who threaten to kill themselves when a candidate they don't like wins an election--don't let your kids be bullied--but not by teaching them to be a victim but by teaching them self respect and how to demand it from others. Read the article here:

Damage Caused By Verbal Abuse - Soccer Nation:



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Tuesday, November 29, 2016

East Missoula gets hit with antisemitic fliers; schools report verbal abuse |

I am always ashamed of supposedly conservative groups who target other groups of people for race, religion, ethnicity, sexual orientation--in fact it sickens me. One of reasons this verbal abusive situation in Missoula caught my eye is because my daughter and grandchildren live in Montana.
I personally suffered at the hands of the Posse Comitatus in Idaho years ago (sued a member of the PC and unbeknownst to me, the judge was a member also, so I lost a clear cut case!) but that aside, So the American nazi party and groups like the Posse Comitatus are considered right wing groups! I am conservative and the America Nazi Party and Posse Comitatus are not conservative! They are closer to the left wing nut jobs who are so intolerant of anyone who doesn't agree with them. So why do so many (like members of my own family) persist in thinking these guys are conservatives and grouping me in with them???

I do not believe in verbally abusing others--in bullying them--that is one of the reasons I was resistant to voting for a big bully Trump. (I did vote in the end for him because I was voting for the Supreme Court nominee). But of course, verbal abuse does not follow political lines.

Still, I resent being lumped in with verbal abusers as if any group of A-holes who go after other groups makes them conservatives (that sort of ignores what the far left is doing, doesn't it?). At Quora there is a very good essay that explains why people are confused on this-- remember that Nazis are socialists!!!!! NOT CONSERVATIVES,

Our kids are not taught history anymore and that is a huge problem with this issue--here is what


Now we have seen Nazis were not really right, but why does everyone say that?
Remember how Nazis came to power: Dolchstosslegende - the communist Jew was the devil in person. What was the ideology farthest away from this? - A social-democratic Right (today we would rather say a national conservative Right). - They defined themselves that way to be a counter part to the so called Jewish communism, and neo Nazis still continue to consider themselves far right today. Media does what they always do and copy paste - Voilà, most without a degree in political science think: nazism = being far right.
So I'm telling you this--those hate groups have little to nothing to do with conservatism. Nothing to do with me. I am a conservative but believe in respecting other's choices. I believe in giving them the space they need to be who they are--I am not at all supportive of traditional hard core religious folks who claim to know what the Bible says for everyone, or Muslims who claim to know what the Qoran says for everyone, or the Posse Comitatus or the American Nazi party or any group that spews hate--the far left (Nazis) and the far right (religious intolerance) or even sometime bullies like Trump are not in my group.

Whatever party you identify with,I hope they are not in your group either--verbal abuse comes from people who want control over others-- conservatism is about respect for what you believe as long as it is a two way street.

Here is the news release I refer to:
East Missoula gets hit with antisemitic fliers; schools report verbal abuse | Helena Local News Feed | helenair.com:
PS: I have to say, Trump appears to be doing a lot better than I thought he would--so I am hoping that the bully stuff was just his way of "winning" and now that he has to turn the bully off--the verbal abuse and the disrespect.

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Sunday, November 20, 2016

Verbal Abuse Defense Workshop Graduates

We have two November graduates, Chesta and Chole. Both of them were very thorough.

Chesta explained what she learned about not allowing her partner to "control" her feelings. She wrote, "Do not engage in a conflict with the abuser and take back power. Target should walk away when the partner's angry and do not allow the abuser to control his/her feelings."

When talking about keeping their secrets, she also had empathy for you, the reader. She said one of her favorite reasons for not keeping was to "have some sympathy for his next target. By telling, at least the new person goes in with their eyes open." Oh how we wish that was really true. We find that most women simply think, "That won't happen to me." And they ignore the red flag. But at least she can tell her, "I tried to help the next one."

Chesta, you did a GREAT Job.

When asked, "How should you respond to verbal abuse?." Chloe answered, "It does make sense to me. It makes sense because, like how you choose the people you hang around/put up with, your spouse is another one of those people. You have theoretically made a promise to work at staying with them for the rest of your life so the first step is to not allow them to talk to you certain ways but if that doesn't work, then you may need to leave their company. The choice is up to you."

We do choose the people we hang out with and we do choose our partners. But we don't automatically "choose" an abuser. We actually help create them too. They act in a controlling manner and we try harder to please.. by trying harder, we actually reinforce their behavior--reward them so to speak. But Chole learned a lot. She learned that we do not allow them to talk to us in a demeaning manner. That is difficult for many. They think their partner should "just know." But they don't so we have to teach them what we allow and what we don't. She promised herself, "I will only participate in conversations where I am addressed in an adult manner."

That's what we like to hear.

We've had a few targets begin the tutorial and get to lesson three and then drop out. Rachel, Holly, Johan, and Elizebeth. We know the lessons are rough when you have to look at yourself and choices you've made. But seeing ourselves is the first step to change. Remember, you really can not change your partner, only yourself. We hope you return and finish.

Congratulations to all our participants--and those who haven't yet taken the tutorial, you can begin right now: Verbal Abuse Defense Workshop

Tuesday, November 8, 2016

Charter school teachers quit over alleged physical, verbal abuse by students -

As long as we teach kids to "turn in their parents" for alleged abuse and make it seem like all kids are victims of their "bad" parents--kids become emboldened to abuse adults. I number of years ago I subbed in some Virginia schools and remember the kids screaming at us teachers "Don't you touch me! I'll call the police." This was because we were trying to keep the big kids from running over the little kids at lunch. the teachers were really afraid that the kids would turn them in. so often kids are not taught respect for elders--they are taught that if they look hard enough they may find a way to be abused so they can claim victimhood.  This makes it much much harder for us to work with addiction.
In order to begin recovery, an addict must take responsibility for their own choices--if they consider themselves to be a victim, they can't reach this vital step. Read about these teachers here--the backlash is coming and it's long overdue.
Charter school teachers quit over alleged physical, verbal abuse by students - Upper Peninsula ABC 10: "The teacher, who asked to not be shown on camera, says students, from first to eighth grade, verbally abuse teachers, constantly fight and are acting out of control.

“I know at least three of us had death threats from the kids,” the teacher said. “I would hold it together and I would leave and cry in my car at the end of the day,” she added."


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Thursday, November 3, 2016

Donald Trump should learn that his words were verbal abuse | NOT!

This article is a criticism of Mr. Trump by a young woman who is just that YOUNG. I don't want to criticize her as she does Mr. Trump

but if we don't tell people the truth, they find it hard to grow up. Our author, Morgan, had some terrific parents who would probably think she sort of missed the message they were trying to teach her. They didn't want her to be the recipient of verbal abuse.
Good.

They did not tell her, "but if anyone says something you don't like to someone else, not about you, orto you, or in the presence of you, but hypothetically about others--and its raunchy--we want you to call that verbal abuse and be offended."

To Morgan's Mom and Dad, I think you need to help Morgan understand what verbal abuse really is.It is when someone verbally says things to put you down, make you feel bad, and control you. It inot what one person says to another about hypothetical people and behaviors 30 years ago and you become offended on their hypothetical behalf.

This is not to say Morgan, that Donald hasn't been verbally abusive to others--I'd heard him a time ortwo when I would call him a big bad bully. Your example, however, was not one of them.
Morgan--keep writing and keep growing. You'll catch on.
Donald Trump should learn that his words were verbal abuse | The Crimson White: "Mr. Trump's words were not just “Locker Room Talk,” his words were verbal abuse. I have been continually conflicted by his choices this election season, because although I am a Conservative, I am a Christian who is dedicated to the basic morals of my religion."



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