Friday, October 7, 2016

Rise in verbal abuse hurled at shoppers by rough sleepers

This is a disturbing new thing in verbal abuse--the homeless abusing people going about their daily business. It is like a Steven King novel--"sleepers" (the homeless we call them here) are getting more aggressive and abusive--How do we help the homeless (or sleepers) who become increasingly aggressive seemingly without provocation? I see another Stephen King novel on the way....

Rise in verbal abuse hurled at shoppers by rough sleepers - View News: "Weymouth and Portland community safety spokesman Councillor Francis Drake began to talk to View From about the threat but then had to break off as one of the “disturbed” street people abused a group of people just yards away in St Mary Street. Councillor Drake said: “I have been told of many incidents, seemingly committed by street people who have a serious mental problem. This is something quite recent."

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Tuesday, September 27, 2016

Not Brad Pitt too! Maybe not...

Not every tale of abuse is real and we should not assume it is based on media attention. Sometimes, families are families and do crazy family stuff that does not rise to the level of "abuse."

I think this is one of those invasive media things where people in the limelight get shafted because media just wants to "hook" you into reading. At this point there is NOTHING to the allegations of verbal abuse and I say, leave them alone--they are a family and media attention right now is invasive and unwarranted.

Brad Pitt Is Reportedly Being Investigated For Alleged Verbal Abuse & "Getting Physical" With His Children — UPDATE | Bustle: "It's only been a few days since Angelina Jolie filed for divorce from Brad Pitt, but now, even more heartbreaking allegations has come out involving their split. According to a new report by TMZ, Brad Pitt is allegedly being investigated by the LAPD and the L.A. County Dept. of Children and Family Services for verbal abuse and getting physical with his children. TMZ claims that on a recent flight taken by Pitt, now-ex Angelina Jolie, and their children, Pitt allegedly became inebriated, and then allegedly screamed and acted "physical" with the children."

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Tuesday, September 13, 2016

Keeping cool when verbally abused

 is a Voice Speaking Coach and has the right take on dealing with verbal abuse. She uses posture, attitude, and the miracle principle (taught in our work). I love it as more and more people see the wisdom in learning to stop abuse by not engaging. Read her article--very good.

Keeping cool when verbally abused - WeAreTheCity | Information, Networking, jobs & events for women: "So how do you deal with a screaming customer??? In my training courses I discuss different types of body language and how a neutral, none confrontational posture is more effective than a frightened or aggressive response. If you are able to maintain a neutral pose (and believe me it was difficult on Friday night), the abuser is going to grow tired of abusing since you aren’t reacting. Being aggressive back is like fire with fire. Although internally I was very stressed and shaken, I was able to maintain a calm exterior, avoiding escalating the problem. I hope you never have to deal with being verbally abused, but if you are, try to focus on maintaining an open, neutral posture and body language, to diffuse the situation. If you would like to discuss speaking and communication training, contact me. I would be delighted to discuss different options."

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Thursday, September 8, 2016

Emotional Terrorists Traffic in Verbal Abuse. Make It Stop! -

This is a very good article on a very bad website--it will not stop loading the commercials!!! Yuck--commercial abuse! Anyway, the upshot is that it explores the "sneaky" nature of verbal abuse and how easy it is to rationalize away at first--really worth reading for the beginner.

Emotional Terrorists Traffic in Verbal Abuse. Make It Stop! -:

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Sunday, August 28, 2016

Bad Mom’s Series: What You Say Can Be Harming Your Child

I am blown away by this article on verbal abuse and Moms. I am particularly sensitive to abuse stories and Moms because I was very abusive to my daughter at times--you could not say I was evil or anything--just single and trying to do my best and it fell short a lot of the time. When my skills fell short it was my beautiful daughter who got the brunt of my shortcomings and yes, I abused her. That being said, she is a great person who has done very well with herself and her own family. I do admire her and wonder how I didn't really really mess her up.

I hate it when professionals try to dump on Moms and act as if every bad thing in  a person was created by a stressed out yelling Mom who loses it frequently. My Mom was abusive--she was a drunk. I was abusive and I was sober. I like how myself and my brothers turned out--not ideal but we are capable adults, successful adults and we all three have integrity, despite our failings. My daughter is a capable, successful adult despite her failings--I like us a lot and sometimes much more than other families who I think are really self-centered and more flawed than us despite their "perfect" childhoods.  Am I rambling? So let me focus. The reason I lie this article so much is that it is sensible, doesn't villainize Moms and can actually give you GREAT advice is you are a single parent struggling to keep things together. Thank you Tameka for a great read and good advice in the verbal abuse arena.
Bad Mom’s Series: What You Say Can Be Harming Your Child: "What my friend said next was a total game changer for me. “While I’ll say you’re not a bad mom, you do need to stop yelling at the children because you are doing more harm than good. You sound like you are burned out. Just because you are a single mom doesn’t mean you have to do everything yourself. You need to start asking your support system for help. Tameka, when was the last time you had some ‘me-time?’’ “What the heck is me-time?” I said as we continued the conversation."

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Monday, August 22, 2016

2 new graduates Michele and Piet

Michele is the same one who shared in our last blog--she has taken her time and given some of the most thoughtful answers Dr. Marshall and I have received. Sometimes people fly right through the tutorial and the lessons are not absorbed as well, so when you take the course, remember Michele and take your time.

Michele told us how she looks at detachment:
Detachment is the ability to get on with my life without letting my spouse's bad behaviour negatively affect me. It's not about being mean to someone else; instead, it's about me learning to not participate in "the dance."
Then a young man, Piet, is dealing with his female partner and had this to share:
It's when you stop focusing on your narcissistic partner trying to change them or humour them, and start focusing on yourself and the wounds your partner has helped you to identify within yourself and to start working on healing your wounds and become a whole independent person.
Good share, Piet. Piet also answered why it is not a good idea to let them treat us badly:
We are perpetuating their bad behaviour if we do this which will ultimately harm them and destroy them. It is better to treat them with respect and never give them a reason to say that we deserve their bad treatment as we treat them similarly or even worse.
Congratulations to both this month's graduates Michele S. and Piet P. 

Wednesday, August 17, 2016

How to spot verbal abuse and take action |

Here's an article on how to deal with abuse in your partner--this is a woman who has recently tried to deal with her partner with a bit of success. Unfortunately, she still doesn't quite get the picture. Why am I pointing you to this article? So you can evaluate for yourself what isn't working in this--Hint: Telling them how their actions make you "feel" gives them more power! So as you read this, look for what she has discovered does work, and look for what doesn't. If you took the tutorial, this is a bonus lesson--if you didn't go over now and sign up for it!.

How to spot verbal abuse and take action | Columns | "Questions that victims of verbal abuse can begin to ask are: “What do you mean by that?" “What are you trying to achieve with that remark?” And later, if they are at receptive, tell them how it makes you feel. The more you don’t take their behavior personally (as a result of the blame that is placed on you) and the more you practice not reacting, the more you will feel empowered."

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