Monday, December 31, 2012

Can i sue my siblings for verbal abuse and harassment?

It is not just partners that can verbally abuse. We often hear about siblings, parents and coworkers abusing too. it seems that some people just are of the disposition that they don't defend their personal rights. these same people are very often the first to defend the rights of others. I remember taking it and taking it from my husband to the point where he actually hit me once. I kept trying to make it better, but the day he went after my cousin, I had had it. I remember, it was Christmas in the 70's. He had slowly removed me form my family--living away, never letting them visit. So my cousin asked to come for Christmas and he said NO. that was the straw that broke the camel's back...I decided to leave.

Oh Geeze, getting away from the topic--others that abuse. Here is a good one. I almost have to laugh--this person might think about the Respect me Rules and applying them. Her siblings cannot verbally abuse her unless she lets them. read this and see if you can think of one of the Rules that might put an end to this. (hint: boundaries)

Can i sue my siblings for verbal abuse and harassment? - Yahoo! Answers: "Can i sue my siblings for verbal abuse and harassment?
They tormented me and i have a few little videos on my phone showing how they were verbally abusing me and tormenting me so i have proof and will be recording more of it and when i tell them to stop bullying me they won't. "

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Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Dealing with Family Stress During the Holidays |

Here' an article about dealing with stress at Christmas. Unfortunately just when we are supposed to be celebrating love and all the good things in life, along come abuse and the holidays are ruined, again, and again, and again. Why do we allow it? Why not this year have an alternate plan. If the partner that abuses just can't keep it together and wants to drag you and the kids down, have an alternate plan--what? How about going to see the Hobbit together? go to Grandmas for dinner and don't invite the abuser, go to a friends, how about church? Plan to hike at the local can come up with a plan b so that when you hear yourself called a name, or not given a gift (passive aggression) or told that the gift you gave stinks and you don't really love them or you would "know" what he wanted, you have an alternative--

John, I love you but I don't love the way you treat me (describe it), there fore I am going to see the Hobbit and treat myself to popcorn--my Christmas is special to me.

Here's an article that attempts to help you do it better:

Dealing with Family Stress During the Holidays | Stop Child Abuse Now of Northern Virginia: "What does stress do to families during the holidays?
Every family reacts different to stress during the holidays. But some of the most common effects include:
Arguments, fighting and other poor communication skills are more common during the holidays
Fatigue, health problems and general exhaustion because of busy or unusual schedules
Confusion (especially in children) about the real meaning of their family's holiday, other cultural traditions, etc.
More dependence on food, alcohol and other substances"

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Monday, December 17, 2012

Paul Keene strangled fiance after 'verbal abuse'

Here goes a guy who says he "snapped" and strangled his girl friend after she verbally abused him! For many years, men could get away with killing their women in a rage--if the women provoked them, the law said they had an excuse...Geeze--this guy is a left over knuckle dragging neanderthal, and he is actually trying to use this antiquated defense. I am so grateful to all you beautiful people who are recognizing that partnerships are equal--women are not "less than" (nor men)--we are changing the way society looks at these things and it is unlikely this guy will get away with it--not too long ago, he would have.

It appears this woman did verbally abuse her mate, but she paid a dear price for it. God bless her, our hearts go out to her... this is one reason that at Respect me rules, we don't advocate using fire to fight fire.

BBC News - Paul Keene strangled fiance after 'verbal abuse': "Paul Keene, 32, strangled Carmen Gabriela Miron-Buchacra, 28, in a drink-fuelled rage.
Bristol Crown Court was told there had been constant arguments and Miss Miron-Buchacra had believed her fiancé wanted to take her newborn baby away from her.
Mr Keene, of Bath, denies murder but has admitted manslaughter on the grounds of loss of self-control."

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Sunday, December 9, 2012

Gift: first 20 pages available for download

Just a small Christmas token for our followers.

DOWNLOAD FREE the first 20 pages. Down load to peek inside this book and you can review it.

The book Respect-Me RULES: "I prayed for help in this form and I believe my prayer has been answered. I recognize the fact that in allowing this abuse for almost 30 years, something must change with me before anything else will change.  ~SC

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Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Verbal Abuse: The Cornerstone of a Healthy Relationship - renegade mothering

This is a sorted article by a realistic mother--I don't know whether to hug her or kick her! she admits that every relationship is messy--BUT she believes that verbal abuse is "healthy"...Hmmm. she says we will always fight--yeah. But do we have to fight with belittling? With degrading? With name-calling--without respect for each other? NO, I do not believe that "healthy" equals abuse. Janelle has spunk--she can hold her own, she dishes it out as well as takes it. She describes several fights in her blog.

It funny, she's funny, but she is confusing what verbal and emotional abuse really is. In her relationship, she is an equal--in abusive relationships  one partner ti more equal than the one they are abusing---so no Janelle, verbal abuse in most cases is not healthy. But to each his own--its fun to read about her relationship.

Verbal Abuse: The Cornerstone of a Healthy Relationship - renegade mothering: "So basically they’ve lied to us again. They lied about adulthood (it really isn’t that fun). They lied about motherhood (one word: Babycenter). And now, they’ve lied about marriage, telling us that unless we sit down in a perfectly calm manner, thoughtfully “adapting” to one another, listening with the attention of a thousand Zen monks, our marriage will fail.
As far as I can see it, marriage is messy. It’s ugly. It’s disheveled and weird and clunky. It’s a whole lot a of tenacity thrown in with bit of romance.
You know what it is? IT’S FUCKING WORK."

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Monday, November 12, 2012

Former security guard of Cobb abuse center charged with rape |

I hate this when people in authority take advantage of their position to abuse others. Of course Moses (read below) actually raped these women, and we deal in verbal and emotional abuse...but we always want to trust those in authority. The lack of trust is why many women don't seek help when they should.

However, if we learn how to set boundaries and enforce the Respect Me Rules, this sort of thing is much less likely to happen. Why? Because we don't don't allow them in the door to abuse in the first place. Abusers mostly abuse those who seem weak--they go for easy targets. The Respect Me Rules show people how to be strong in knowing what hey are worth. Are you worth it?

you can assess this by taking the online workshop. Read about Moses below--teh man who went after the ones he was suppose to protect.

Former security guard of Cobb abuse center charged with rape | "As a security guard, it was Moses Roscoe “Moe” Eaddy’s job to protect them.
But instead, authorities say he preyed on them.
Eaddy, 43, has been accused of raping and sexually assaulting at least three women at the facility and on Oct. 29 he was arrested and charged with one count of rape and two counts of sexual assault, all felonies."

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Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Humour and Laughter… « buckwheatsrisk-surviving abuse

I think it is so important to keep seeing the lighter side of life. OK, we have been verbally abused, but even in that, we can see the humor at time. Or at least the humor in other things and not focus on everything abusive--after all, once we learn how to enforce the respect me rules, there is a lot less self-pity--that's because we are back in charge of our selves and our space.

Here's a blog you might be interested in--it is a blog on verbal abuse, yet she stops to laugh at her dog int he mirror--worth reading.

Humour and Laughter… « buckwheatsrisk-surviving abuse: "There’s just something about laughing that changes everything, if only for a moment…

Do you ever notice if you watch someone else laugh long enough, you will start to laugh too?  It’s so funny to watch, because then you have a bunch of people with tears streaming down their faces as they laugh at nothing…or maybe they’re laughing at how funny they look to each other.  You know it really doesn’t matter what’s funny, it matters that there’s laughter!"

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Thursday, October 18, 2012

October is stop domestic violence month

Since October is Domestic Violence Awareness month--I want a Verbal Abuse awareness month! Or at least a weekend. I think we Deserve at least that much. At Respect me Rules, we don't use our methods after your partner has become physical in abuse--at that point we say "get out." Before that, we show you how to stop allowing them to abuse you--it can be stopped before it escalates. You can stay with your partner--

So I ask, lets start a Domestic verbal abuse Awareness weekend. Start this week end at your house and lets get that respect we deserve.

In the meantime read here about what some are doing this month:

Commentary - Help stop the cycle of abuse | Alexandria Echo Press | Alexandria, Minnesota: "October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

The question is, what should we be aware of?

Accept and acknowledge that Domestic Violence happens in our community. Physical and verbal abuse is occurring in our neighborhoods, it’s happenings to friends and family. Domestic abuse happens in all racial, social and economic groups. And if you think it’s contained within the private household, think again."

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Thursday, October 4, 2012

Verbal & Emotional Abuse - What victims hear from their abuser - YouTube

Here is a well put together collection of statements we hear when being verbally abused. Set to some good music--if you want some examples of what this woman has heard, view this and then create your own youtube video--send me the link and I will use--Hey guys, what verbal abuse statements do YOU hear--is it any different from what the ladies hear from their guys or is it the same?

Verbal & Emotional Abuse - What victims hear from their abuser - YouTube: "What a victim of verbal & emotional abuse has heard through the years. You are not alone. "

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Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Emotional abuse is no less important, experts say - Neighborhood - The District Chronicles

Most of here at Respect-Me-Rules know that verbal abuse is as important as physical. We also know that it is often hard to recognize, especially when we say "At least he doesn't hit me!" We are our own worst enemies when it comes to recognizing that we don't deserve to be put down, called names, ignored and manipulated by the one we love. In any case if you are reading this, you have taken the first is not the second step. It always helps to read more so read this 19 yer old's story.
Emotional abuse is no less important, experts say - Neighborhood - The District Chronicles: "I was 19 years old, a sophomore at Howard University. David was too. We met on Facebook. The first five months, everything went well. But, then he began hanging up on me, walking out on me mid-conversation, ignoring me, and telling me that nothing I did was good enough. He criticized what I wore, how I wore it, where I went, how I looked, and almost everything I did."

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Monday, September 17, 2012

i am now accepting verbal abuse for $$$ - YouTube

OK--very interesting you tube video. Watch it--this guy allows people to verbally abuse him for money. Now that is the spirit! Verbal abuse should only be allowed if you are going to profit--if you accept verbal abuse and break your spirit, what is the point--accepting verbal abuse does not make for a good marriage. However, if he had to pay you, it might be worth it. hmmm well maybe not even then!

i am now accepting verbal abuse for $$$ - YouTube: "ol. funny guy at the saturday market, portland or"

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Tuesday, September 4, 2012

4,300 men report abuse by women - The Irish Times - Tue, Sep 04, 2012

You know, we don't talk about it often, but men are also verbally abused. I want all of us to be respected--to respect each other. I especially believe that in a relationship where you profess to LOVE your partner, respect should be at the top of the list of how to treat them. Calling your loved one any name, rewriting history, discounting their day and expounding on yours, trying to keep them away from their family or talking to their friends--whether man or woman--that is not love. Respect the one one you're with or don't be with them.

4,300 men report abuse by women - The Irish Times - Tue, Sep 04, 2012: "More than 4,300 men sought support last year from a national charity established for men suffering abuse at the hands of female partners.
Amen Support Services Ltd today published its third annual report, which revealed some 4,303 contacts with the service in 2011.
The Navan, Co Meath-based organisation said the men who contacted it spoke of incidents involving physical, emotional, psychological, verbal and sexual abuse."

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Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Stop abusing your husband | The Ninja Wife (忍者妻)

We always must remember that abuse works both ways. I ran across this interesting blog and wanted to share it with you.
Stop abusing your husband | The Ninja Wife (忍者妻): "When my daughter was born, my husband kept doing things wrong: picking her up from the wrong side, folding wraps the wrong way, not being fast enough, deserting me too often when I was stuck with her in the bedroom breastfeeding. So I started yelling at him, he was avoiding me and it made me even more angry and frustrated, we were too tired to discuss things so I would explode from time to time and he would try to avoid me escaping to computer games, shops or friends. Vicious circle, downward spiral…"
Read the whole blog entry. Make sure you don't see your self reflected. If you are a bit of a Ninja wife, how can you change? Let's be there some Ninja in you?
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Sunday, August 12, 2012

A pledge to stop Bullying - Fiji Times Online

All the way from little old Fiji --a country where I have two children (well adults now) named after me. they country took a pledge to stop bullying! I love it. Now I think we should do this too! Too cool.
A pledge to stop Bullying - Fiji Times Online: "THIS week, 10,000 people pledged to make a stand against bullying in Fiji, joining many like-minded individuals around the world at 10am on August 20 for a silent reflection on what they can do to end bullying in their communities.
Now, you may think of bullying as physical abuse, someone older from school picking on persons who are too vulnerable to fight back either because they're not physically able to do so or because they lack the confidence to stand up for themselves."

'via Blog this'

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Are You Trapped In An Abusive Relationship? [EXPERT] | Dr. Margaret Paul | YourTango

here's another good site to look at. Hey, is the educational part of this blog working for you guys? Let me know if you want other things in here. ~Shelly
Are You Trapped In An Abusive Relationship? [EXPERT] | Dr. Margaret Paul | YourTango: "If you grew up in a verbally and/or emotionally abusive family, you might not realize when you are being abusive and when you are being abused. Behind verbal and emotional abuse is always a desire to control the other person — to have power over the other's feelings and actions."

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Friday, July 27, 2012

Review - Respect-Me Rules - Self-Help

Check this out--My Brother, Dr. Marshal and myself got a great review at Metaphyscology Online Reviews--it was done by  Kumari de Silva and we really want to thank her for the heads up!

Review - Respect-Me Rules - Self-Help: ""Targets" as described in the Respect-me-Rules are people who respond to aggression with increased compliance thus "training" their abusers that rude behavior is an effective means of communication.  The dynamic between the two partners can be upset by changes in the target’s behavior, regardless of whether the abuser changes.  This is important, because as the authors point out, even if the target feels the abuser is at fault, we have no control over what others do. (emphasis mine.) Therefore, if targets wish to see change in the relationship, change they must."

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Monday, July 23, 2012

Help, I'm verbally abusive

Wow--A woman who admits ! We are making progress....

And to prove what we always say--its not just to women--women abuse too.

Help, I'm verbally abusive: "Help, I'm verbally abusive    
So here's the deal. My bf doesn't always call or pay attention to me. When this happens I tend to get very verbally abusive. I say the things that really get under his skin.

If we don't talk for a day, it doesn't bother me, but if it's day 2 or 3 then I start to get really angry. It wasn't always like this. I used to feel safe and secure in the relationship and now I don't. This pattern happens in all my relationships. He says that it doesn't have to do with me that he just needs time for himself and "space", but a nagging feeling keeps telling me that it's my fault he doesn't want to spend time with me or call. "

'via Blog this'

Saturday, July 21, 2012

I married a Cop, and need protection from him!

We heard from Jessica from Texas about marrying a cop and then needing protection from him. This is what she wrote to us about the site:

This site has been tremendously helpful. I have in my relationships, experienced all forms of abuse. Emotional and verbal abuse is BY FAR the hardest to recover from. No one can see the bruises to know that I needed help... THey just saw this cool guy that I was married to... Such a lucky girl. Cops are notorious for being abusive to their spouses and the spouses don't know where to turn... The cops are friends with their abuser. Where do you turn? But there is very little information to be found on how to deal in this touchy situation, so thank you!

She has a good story. It is posted here:
I married a Cop: "From High School Sweetheart to the Strong Arm of the Law

I married my high school sweetheart at the tender age of 19. Like a turning on a light switch, he immediately began to physically and sexually abuse me. I quickly left feeling it necessary to leave the state to protect myself. I headed West with fantasies in my mind about a strong man that could finally make me feel safe. I met and became good friends with a police officer. If anyone could keep me safe it was a cop. So I thought."

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Wednesday, July 18, 2012

About Verbal Abuse Journals| What Is Verbal Abuse | About Emotional Abuse | About Domestic Violence

Kellie found the abuse in her life and the tool she used was journaling. Writing about it, keeping notes, keeping our mind fresh is very important in the world of abuse--one of themain points to make sure that wehn they say "You're crazy, that never happened." YOu can look in the journal and see sure nuff, it did. Read Kellies might want to try it.

About Verbal Abuse Journals| What Is Verbal Abuse | About Emotional Abuse | About Domestic Violence: "Kellie reached out to others and shared her abusive experience on her blog. The support of her readers helped her find the courage to leave the marriage. Kellie now advocates against domestic violence full-time. Helping women cope with abuse while in the relationship and supporting them as they leave and heal is her passion."

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Sunday, July 1, 2012

Can Verbal Abuse Hurt a Dog?

Well verbal abuse hurts women, men, mothers, fathers, children and dogs? I would say we have to look at it and we know that if someone abuses a dog, they are very likely to abuse their partner. Its a red flag for us. Soooo, how is your abuser with your animals?

Can Verbal Abuse Hurt a Dog? - Yahoo! Answers: "No, I am not crazy... But my dog stayed at my step-grandmother's house while I was hospitalized. There was another dog there (her) dog a pesky little rat we will call a chiuawana or PEPE. This dog would not leave my dog alone for the life of her. I feel my dog got tired of this dog bothering her, and not being walked, I walk my dog 4x a day. Step-GM doesn't walk her dog, just throughs it out in the back yard. Well, my dog peed in house a few times, and when she did **** hit the van verbally to my dog. Call her an embarrassment, you should be ashamed of yourself, I hate your behaviour. I just don't think you should speak down to anything excpet maybe a murder or criminal."

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Monday, June 18, 2012

Telling Lies During Abusive Relationships

Wow--sounds a lot like me---no matter what, I told him the truth--sometimes just to get back at him.
Telling Lies During Abusive Relationships | Verbal Abuse in Relationships: "My abusive husband sapped my sense of humor and dampened my free-spirit, but by golly, he couldn’t shake me of my honest streak. Usually, when he’d rant about my stubbornness, it happened because I wouldn’t lie. I wouldn’t say what he wanted me to say “for the sake of argument.”
He’d get back at me by telling his bosses that I made him late for work with my whining or refused to make the dish for the pot-luck. Perhaps those are lies every spouse tells, but I ws ultra-sensitive to them because of the other crap he dished out."

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Wednesday, June 13, 2012

No Excuse for domestic violence

Domestic abuse happens most places in the world everyday. I'm glad this event is being used to reach the biggest offenders--and now don't get touchy you guys who are the targets--we know you are there--you are NOT being ignored or left out....
News Wales > Business > No excuse for domestic violence: "With the Euro 2012 now underway, football supporters throughout North Wales are being warned that there is no excuse for domestic abuse.
National research shows a clear link between alcohol consumption and domestic violence and North Wales Police will be using the tournament to target offenders and highlight the support available for victims.
Domestic abuse is happening every day in every part of the UK and one incident of domestic abuse is reported to the police nationally every minute. "

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Tuesday, June 5, 2012

New Marriage, 3 Month Old And Verbal Abuse : I Am a Victim of Verbal Abuse Story & Experience

Gosh, I feel so sorry for people like this--A newly wed--if any of the readers here have the time, please go and offer some support--she may not need to leave. She is sticking up for herself now, but if she doesn't learn
how to demand respect and put a stop to his insanity, it will get worse and eventually she will stop standing up for herself--what can you tell her?
New Marriage, 3 Month Old And Verbal Abuse : I Am a Victim of Verbal Abuse Story & Experience: "I am in my mid 20's and just recently got married. My husband has a temper and has become verbally abusive recently. today he got super upset with me because I said we needed to get his car fixed because its not good for baby and me to be stuck at home with no car in case there is an emergency, after I suggested that he called me a "f*cking piece of ****" I asked him not to call me names anymore and then i was cleaning up his dirty dishes and said can you please put your dishes into the dishwasher? and he called me "f*cking scum" he also called me worthless, ******, f*cking waste of space all this happened in a matter of 20 mins today. "

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Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Recover From Emotional Abuse | Emotional Abuse Signs

We like her attitude--has anyone takjen her 7 day course and what do you think?
Recover From Emotional Abuse | Emotional Abuse Signs: "Your abusive partner has worked really hard to “program” fear, neediness, and self-doubt into you.  Incredible, huh?   Why would someone who’s meant to love you, do that to you?
This website is dedicated to making your recovery from emotional abuse quick and easy.  Here, you’ll find everything I’ve discovered in almost 10 years of helping women get over emotionally abusive relationships, and get their lives back."

'via Blog this'

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Couples, How to Stop Verbal Abuse in Its Tracks

: "Couples, How to Stop Verbal Abuse in Its Tracks"

Frustration and anger can lead to mean-spirited, disrespectful communication. We sometimes reach the breaking point and say hurtful or belittling comments, often while raising our voice.
For example, Sarah is watching TV with her husband Erik. A commercial for a fast food company comes on and she picks up the remote and mutes it.
“Hey!” Erik yells. “Why the hell did you do that! I was watching it!”
“Oh, sorry,” Sarah says, turning the sound back on.
“Well, it’s too late now!” he rages. “I missed it. You know that I’ve been wanting a hamburger all day.”
Sarah stares at him, shocked. She hadn’t known that, and how would viewing the commercial satisfy his desire? She’s trying to figure all this out, why he got so mad, what she can do to fix it, when he leaps from the couch and heads toward the door.
“Wait,” she says. “I’m sorry. I thought you hated commercials.”
He turns to her, calls her an idiot and an obscene name, then slams the door.

read More
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Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Encyclopaedia Metallum: The Metal Archives - Verbal Abuse

I can't believe there's a band called, Verbal Abuse! Well, as you can see if you read below--they are right up there with the Cro-Mags and Suicidal Tendencies--YUCK!

Encyclopaedia Metallum: The Metal Archives - Verbal Abuse: "Verbal Abuse are one of the classic examples of early USA hardcore punk who emerged during the movement alongside with D.R.I., Black Flag, Bad Brains, Minor Threat, Bad Religion and others. In later times, they would be one of the first known US crossover bands, along with Corrosion of Conformity, D.R.I., Suicidal Tendencies, the Cro-Mags, just to name a few."

'via Blog this'

Friday, March 23, 2012

Dog saves girl from attack by registered sex offender

This is the best story about Mabeline--a shelter dog that saved the girl. I wish a time or two tht Mabeline had been there with me.

A shelter dog is being hailed a hero for saving a Florida girl from an alleged attack by a sex offender.
The 17-year-old girl was volunteering for the Friends of Strays animal shelter in St. Petersburg a few weeks ago when she was assaulted, WTSP-TV reported.
The girl was walking with Mabeline, a Rhodesian Ridgeback mix, down a path behind the building when the attacker allegedly grabbed her by her hair and pinned her to the ground, according to the station.

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Respect-Me Rules/New work book in pr0cess

Funny--blogging about the facebook page for Respect-me Rules--if you're not a follower--please click the link and give us a thumbs up. But we do have news. My brother, Dr. Marshall and myself are creating a workbook that will make implementing the 12 Respect-Me Rules a lot easier. It has worksheets and practical exercises and can be used by an individual or a group. We'll keep you posted.

 Respect-Me Rules:

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Monday, March 5, 2012

French face jail for psychological abuse of partners | World news |

I love the French for putting in this law to stop verbal abuse. I think it will help change women's perception of how they "should" be treated. It won't stop partners from abusing or calling names or doing the subtle put down that erodes away the spirit of a person--only the target can stop that when they stop allowing themselves to be mistreated. but what the law will do is let people know that it is NOT OK to be treated like that--I fear the unintended consequence might be that women will abdicate their responsibility to stop letting people disrespect them and give their power to the state rather then themselves--but lets see--

French face jail for psychological abuse of partners | World news | "French MPs have voted unanimously to make "psychological violence" within a couple an offence punishable by up to three years in prison as part of new measures aimed at improving protection for victims of domestic abuse.

Politicians from the left and right supported the passing of a law which singles out "repeated" verbal actions intended to hurt the victim's rights and dignity or their physical or mental health. As well as a jail sentence, offenders could be ordered to pay a fine of up to €75,000 (£66,600).

Supporters of the law claim an estimated 8% of women in France are psychologically abused by their partner. Chantal Brunel, a member of Nicolas Sarkozy's majority Union for a Popular Movement (UMP) party, described it as "a preventive measure as psychological violence always precedes [physical] blows"."

'via Blog this'

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Bernie's legacy is fund for abused dogs; APL offers $5 cats; firefighters collect pet food: Animals in the News |

Purple hat aside, Bernie is a dog that was abused and adopted--this is his story. Its cute and worth reading--and especiallyt he purple hat on Bernie is worht seeing..buyt most importnat to remember is that when someone abuses an animal as a pattern, they are going to abuse you too! Abuse of animals is a glaring sign that the person is an abuser. so if you're with someone who has little regard for our furry friends--keep in mind he will have little regard for you.

Bernie's legacy is fund for abused dogs; APL offers $5 cats; firefighters collect pet food: Animals in the News | "There was a dog Bernie, 5 to 7 years old, that touched my heart. Week after week, I was hoping someone would adopt him, but his timid personality didn't show very well... It was apparent that the verbal and physical abuse he must have endured before making it to ARF made him very nervous and scared around people...

Family photo
Nadene and Bernie, Halloween 2005.
We then decided to foster Bernie. It took a great deal of time, finances and patience to help with his issues. After pouring so much into Bernie, I realized I just could not give him up. We started to feel his sweetness, innoce
nce and desire to be loved."

'via Blog this'

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Dating disaster - NeXt - The Buffalo News

Dating disaster - NeXt - The Buffalo News: "You could be seeing it every day in your brother's, your sister's or your best friend'srelationship. It could even be happening to you. Abuse in teen relationships is more prevalent than you might think; according to, about 1 in every 10 teenage relationships is physically abusive, and 1 out of every 4 involves mental or emotional mistreatment.

So why can dating abuse be so difficult to spot? The main reason is that a lot of people aren't exactly sure what to look for. In addition, an abusive partner wants to convince everyone involved in the relationship that what's going on is OK. The truth is, if a person is being broken down physically, mentally or emotionally, something needs to be done."

We really need to reach our kids before they get to this stage---

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Friday, February 17, 2012

Teaching little girls the difference between love and abuse

I found this blog today, and I really REALLY appreciate the sentiment behind it.

I will warn readers - the author feels strongly and uses strong words. It's worth the read, and she suggests editing out the "foul language" before distributing it to children.

"I am sure every girl can recall, at least once as a child, coming home and telling their parents, uncle, aunt or grandparent about a boy who had pulled her hair, hit her, teased her, pushed her or committed some other playground crime. I will bet money that most of those, if not all, will tell you that they were told “Oh, that just means he likes you”.
When was it decided that we should start teaching our daughters to accept being belittled, disrespected and abused as endearing treatment? And we have the audacity to wonder why women stay in abusive relationships? How did society become so oblivious to the fact that we were conditioning our daughters to endure abusive treatment, much less view it as romantic overtures?"

Thursday, February 16, 2012

How to Verbally Confront Someone Using Verbal Abuse: 5 steps - wikiHow

I think this is a joke but am not sure--this article explains how to verbally abuse someone--not ocnfront them--what are your thoughts? Joke or not? (hint, read the entire article by clicking on the link before you respond--its shrot)

How to Verbally Confront Someone Using Verbal Abuse: 5 steps - wikiHow: "Verbal Abuse is a weapon that most people in the world use as a means to win a dispute and usually precede a more serious physical confrontation which could have legal consequences. Verbal Abuse is legal in most places so long it is not a repeated event and is not recorded or published as it may be considered "slander"."

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Monday, February 13, 2012

Killing me softly with his words

I love t his campaign! what a perfect title. Maybe we should think of observing this in our communities?

Verbal abuse “can deaden someone from the inside out” · "VICTIMS OF VERBAL abuse can suffer from mental and physical health issues – but it can be hard for them to name what they are experiencing, say Sonas Housing and Meath Women’s Refuge, who have launched their new campaign, Killing Me Softly With His Words, this week.
The campaign aims to raise awareness of the affects of verbal abuse such as name-calling, insults, humiliation, intimidation, threatening comments and mind-games."

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Sunday, February 12, 2012

Verbal abuse on tape

You have GOT to hear this woman's abuse tape!

Verbal abuse on tape: "I put together this video to document what verbal abuse sounds like and what it feels like to me:

Domestic abuse caught on tape - YouTube

Despite what you hear, he is actually very involved as a father, but he's also very controlling of our kids' opinion about me. I'm afraid of what might happen if there is a custody battle.

Everyone else thinks he is the most wonderful guy in the world--he never acts like this outside our home. Because of this, for many years I thought I must be to blame, but I've finally decided there is no excuse for treating someone like this. The only problem is I have no good options at this point."

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Saturday, February 11, 2012

Music Video: Warrior in Me (Lori Crandall)

A friend just sent me the link to this woman's website and music.
What an amazing example of what it is like to learn how to take care of myself.
There's a warrior in me!

VS 1.
There are days that I remember your eyes, filled with rage as you looked at me. I thought your anger was somehow my fault, and then…I murdered myself. I thought I must have been nothing, but those days are gone, I let go of you and given you back your thorns, and now I finally see, that there’s a Warrior in me!

Everything I am
Everything I know
Everything I see
Everything I’ll be is Inside of Me, Yeah…

Every time I cry
Every time I scream
Every time I love
Every time I sing…Its inside, yeah it’s inside inside of me.

Yeah, you gave me your worst, and I fought with my best, and the Warrior, yeah this Warrior she lives on in me!

VS 2
Yes, you may have broke me. But all you showed me, was just how strong I am the warrior that is me. Yes, you may have cut me, but all that you taught me to see, is that my power to thrive and my will and my drive, and my heart as my guide, will live on eternally. Free to fly, with this Warrior in me!


Now I never thought I could find myself, I could free myself! I always thought I’d be in this pain again and again, locked in myself, chained to these walls, never again to feel any love at all!! But the Warrior, she freed me!

Everything I am
Everything I know
Everything I see
Everything I’ll be is Inside of Me, Yeah…

Every time I cry
Every time I scream
Every time I love
Every time I sing…It’s inside, yeah it’s inside inside of me.

No, I never thought I could find myself, I would free myself, I fought you on this battleground, Now I was lost now I’m found, Yeah, you gave me your worst, and I fought with my best, and the Warrior, yeah this Warrior, she lives on in me! Yes, this warrior…is ME!

Copyright Lori Crandall/2005

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Dream Analysis and Interpretation - Understanding Dreams

so many dream sites!!!!!! but still good. I'm glad to see that people keep dreaming and keep trying to aply their messages. this site has a dynamic dream dictionary that they increase by taking the definitions of their readers--that is simelar to ours, but of course ours increases by YOU dreaming and adding the content. Take a look--they're pretty good.

Dream Analysis and Interpretation - Understanding Dreams: "There are lots of misconceptions as to what dreams are. Som think it is a voice from beyond, others think it is your soul talking to you. Mainly it is your subconsious mind helping your conscious mind work through the events of your life. Understanding dreams are not hard, with simple logic most everyone can do it."

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Friday, January 6, 2012

When to talk to kids about sexual abuse? - CBS 42 Birmingham, AL News Weather Sports

We have to make decisions about when to talk to kids about this sort of thing--the sooner they learn not to let anyone abuse them, the better--the healthier.

When to talk to kids about sexual abuse? - CBS 42 Birmingham, AL News Weather Sports: "It can be a touchy subject for any parent, when to approach the subject of sex with your child.
But many parents say the younger you get through to them about what's right and wrong, the sooner they'll recognize a bad situation.

"Whenever they can answer yes and no, what the difference between yes and no," says Kathy McCurdy.

She says the conversations with her kids started simple, and early.

"She wa
s 2, he was 4. That we don't talk about private parts, no one looks, no one touches, any mention of that is a shut down just immediately say, I'll tell my mom.""

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Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Its treathening consider verbal abuse? | CafeMom Answers

Its treathening consider verbal abuse? | CafeMom Answers:

This is an interesting question. Its also interesting to read the various answers. the Truth is that the very nature of "threat" is abusive. It is coercion and one person is trying to control the the other person with a threat. So the answer is YES. threatening someone is abusive.

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