Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Verbal Abuse: The Cornerstone of a Healthy Relationship - renegade mothering

This is a sorted article by a realistic mother--I don't know whether to hug her or kick her! she admits that every relationship is messy--BUT she believes that verbal abuse is "healthy"...Hmmm. she says we will always fight--yeah. But do we have to fight with belittling? With degrading? With name-calling--without respect for each other? NO, I do not believe that "healthy" equals abuse. Janelle has spunk--she can hold her own, she dishes it out as well as takes it. She describes several fights in her blog.

It funny, she's funny, but she is confusing what verbal and emotional abuse really is. In her relationship, she is an equal--in abusive relationships  one partner ti more equal than the one they are abusing---so no Janelle, verbal abuse in most cases is not healthy. But to each his own--its fun to read about her relationship.

Verbal Abuse: The Cornerstone of a Healthy Relationship - renegade mothering: "So basically they’ve lied to us again. They lied about adulthood (it really isn’t that fun). They lied about motherhood (one word: Babycenter). And now, they’ve lied about marriage, telling us that unless we sit down in a perfectly calm manner, thoughtfully “adapting” to one another, listening with the attention of a thousand Zen monks, our marriage will fail.
As far as I can see it, marriage is messy. It’s ugly. It’s disheveled and weird and clunky. It’s a whole lot a of tenacity thrown in with bit of romance.
You know what it is? IT’S FUCKING WORK."

'via Blog this'


  1. I feel frustrated with this... While I understand that people will fight, and there could be verbal abuse in every relationship (and just because it happens once isn't a reason to completely jump ship), why not work for something better?

    Why not learn how to be calm and assertive? Why not work to not be controlling, or to have an equal relationship?

    I knew several abusers who use ^this as an excuse to continue being abusive. "Everyone does what I do, it's YOU that has the problem."
    "You're too sensitive..."
    "You expect too much..."
    or any number of excuses that don't take ANY personal responsibility for abusive behavior.

    NO change can happen if abusers won't take responsibility.

  2. Maybe no change will happen. Yet, the change that is really needed is from us--I think. I read a book once that was titled, "Do one thing different." The author contended that we get into patterns and can't break out. He wrote that if you just do something completely different than the pattern, the whole pattern changes and they change too.

    I think they don't have to know that you are changing in order for things to change. Sure, you can't change them, but you can change the pattern--you change you and if you change, they won't be the same either. But what do I know? My abuser left me because I changed. Not that it was a bad thing...

  3. Fun? I live with an abusive woman--not all the time, but she can emasculate me when she's angry. I don't think her relationship is fun at all--I think she is sad. But if she thinks she is happy, to each his own. I feel sorry for her hubby.


Please be respectful in how you use language.