Friday, March 23, 2007

A.G. proposes dating violence education

It would be so great to teach our young people to stand up for themselves right from the beginning!

The Pawtucket Times - A.G. proposes dating violence education: "All school districts in the state could soon be providing dating-violence education to middle and high school students.
Attorney General Patrick Lynch unveiled the Lindsay Ann Burke Act Thursday, a bill that would mandate schools to teach students in health education classes about the dangers of dating violence.
The bill is named for Burke, a North Kingstown native and Rhode Island College graduate, who was 23 in September of 2005 when she was murdered by her former boyfriend in his Warwick home. He was found guilty in January and is awaiting sentencing."

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Reasons to stay and reasons to leave

Sanctuary for the abused is one of my favorite resources when discussing abusive situations. The owner has LOTS of great info. the latest is a letter to Rachel looking at abuse ina Jewish marriage and how it came about--how peole don't see it before the knot is tied. Read about it:

SANCTUARY FOR THE ABUSED: "Everyone checks up on hashkafah, yichus, education and wealth – but the most crucial detail is often overlooked: a hot temper. Men (or women) hide it well when dating, for obvious reasons.

It manifested itself after our engagement, but I was too embarrassed to break it off. Big mistake.

My father, a”h, a kind, gentle man, never raised his voice to my mother. My husband would yell at me over any triviality, often in public. My parents kept telling me to be nicer, more giving, to avoid instigating his wrath. But there is no perfection good enough for such a person.

If his income was limited, it was I who couldn’t manage.
If the children misbehaved, it was I who didn’t raise them properly.
If the house wasn’t perfectly neat and clean, it was I who wasn’t doing my job well.
His short fuse was always lit, ready to blow at any moment.

The Teachings of Toads

Verbal abuse can be one of our greatest lessons--go read april's blog on toads and what we canlearn from them!

AskApril Blog» Blog Archive » The Teachings of Toads: "Guys like this learn early on that they make the decisions and bark the orders while people around them scramble to meet their approval. Unfortunately that bar goes higher and higher, always out of reach, until the wife stops trying to grasp it and just turns away throwing bitterness at the gallantly misinformed bar holder. He’s mad. She’s mad. The roles are so entrenched, damsel and knight, that to restructure them into a working partnership is all but impossible.

Although painful, it’s easy enough logistically for women to remove themselves from the situation. The emotional clutches are a different story. In my friend’s case, there are four minor children involved as well as her own spirit, crushed after entrusting it to someone who misused the power he was given. To this day it frustrates her that he is able to re-crumple her self worth with hateful accusations and appraisals. He, of course, does it because he’s incapable of seeing his part in pushing her away. It’s more comfortable for him to continue manipulating her through blame and tossing failure, like a hot potato, into her hands.

But painful as it’s been for her she’s learning about herself and beginning to understand his motives. And those are all rooted in fear, insecurity and lack of insight. "

Pets & Domestic Abuse-TAKE the DOG!

Don't stay becasue your partner says they will hurt the animals (or neglect them). but don't leave the little guys either. You may be able to get help with your pet if yo decide to leave. Here's what one county is doing.

Live 5 news - Local News - Pets & Domestic Abuse: "A domestic abuse counseling expert tells us abusers use animals as a method of controlling a victim, often threatening the safety of the pet. Often times shelters for battered women do not allow animals and victims are scared to leave their pets behind.

The correlation between animal abuse and domestic violence is well documented by organizations like the Humane Society. In 2004, a study was done at domestic violence shelters across the country. It found that 91% of adult victims and 73% of child victim say their pets were abused as well.

Noting that connection, organization across the country including the John Ancrum SPCA are helping battered women and their pets by offering to keep them safe while a woman is in a shelter.

If you are in an abusive situation and have a pet, when you prepare to leave, the Humane Society says take your pets vaccination records, identification, medication and proof of ownership with you.