Saturday, May 27, 2006

Help this Lady Deal with Abuser

We received an email from a woman who is being 'abused' from her ex--what are some experieces that you have used to deal with your abusers when you have to deal with them--maybe we can help! Just place your comment as a guest below if you don't have an account -- anyone can comment and we welcome your help.

The tutorial was a nice reminder that I learned these things already when I read some books and did therapy after allowing myself to be a victim in a stupid marriage. I still can't find any information on how to deal with the abuser when we have to share custody of the child though. My ex continues to abuse me from afar by threatening to take my visitation away if I don't do, say or act the way he wants me to. He just uses our son as the excuse to harrass me in this way because "he is just looking out for..." This constant harrassment is damaging to my current marriage because we have no way to completely withdraw from the situation.

Friday, May 12, 2006

Domestic violence: Definition and Much More From

domestic violence: Definition and Much More From "hose who have studied domestic violence believe that it usually occurs in a cycle with three general stages. First, the abuser uses words or threats, perhaps humiliation or ridicule. Next, the abuser explodes at some perceived infraction by the other person, and the abuser's rage is manifested in physical violence. Finally, the abuser 'cools off,' asks forgiveness, and promises the violence will never occur again. At this point, the victim often abandons any attempt to leave the situation or to have charges brought against the abuser, although some prosecutors will go forward with charges even if the victim is unwilling to do so. Typically, the abuser's rage begins to build again after the reconciliation, and the violent cycle is repeated."

Note from Shelly: this is the same cycle for verbal and emotional abuse--they degrade you, blow up at some perceived infraction, and then sweet talk you into believing they want to change. Trouble is, they don't ever change until you demand it by refusing to accept their put downs, rage, and humiliation--only you can stop that from happening to you, the law, your mother, or us at can't do your work. Many of our readers drop out of the tutorial during the "honeymoon" phase of the cycle when the abuser promises he or she will change--have you dropped out on promises, or are you going to MAKE your abuser respect you?