Friday, May 12, 2006

Domestic violence: Definition and Much More From

domestic violence: Definition and Much More From "hose who have studied domestic violence believe that it usually occurs in a cycle with three general stages. First, the abuser uses words or threats, perhaps humiliation or ridicule. Next, the abuser explodes at some perceived infraction by the other person, and the abuser's rage is manifested in physical violence. Finally, the abuser 'cools off,' asks forgiveness, and promises the violence will never occur again. At this point, the victim often abandons any attempt to leave the situation or to have charges brought against the abuser, although some prosecutors will go forward with charges even if the victim is unwilling to do so. Typically, the abuser's rage begins to build again after the reconciliation, and the violent cycle is repeated."

Note from Shelly: this is the same cycle for verbal and emotional abuse--they degrade you, blow up at some perceived infraction, and then sweet talk you into believing they want to change. Trouble is, they don't ever change until you demand it by refusing to accept their put downs, rage, and humiliation--only you can stop that from happening to you, the law, your mother, or us at can't do your work. Many of our readers drop out of the tutorial during the "honeymoon" phase of the cycle when the abuser promises he or she will change--have you dropped out on promises, or are you going to MAKE your abuser respect you?


  1. Along with similar hate sites, you propogate the myth that domestic violence is always the fault of some "controlling" man, when the reality is that men and women are equally fault.

    Until women too learn to take responsibility for their violence and their attempts to dominate others, doemstic violence will never be eradicated.

  2. Why are sites like this focused so much on trying to demonize good fathers . Why is it that this country that is controlled by a feminazi regime of man haters, whose primary objective is to create a criminous atomsphere for the family and get dad in jail asap!!!!! You people are promoting unlawful gender discrimination but who cares eh ? What about the children's feelings - you selfish /bias creaps !!!!

  3. From WID: The political agendas cannot be denied, yet violence and abuse are part of the denial of anyone to recognize this trend within him/her self.
    Those who claim to have knowledge about the subject, have certainly never done any introspective work to find out how this "thingy" exists within themselves.
    Because there is at least another pattern (as there are always many patterns)which is that the abuser uses others (also abusers usually with legal permission to abuse and lie) to back him/her up to justify the abuse. This is what constantly happens in the (ANTI) Family Court.

  4. To dykehater and anonymous: Interesting that you think the above demonizes men--doesn't say anything about men, per se--talks about the "abuser" MAN or WOMAN--go read it again. i find it sad that you think this is a site against men. Actually we believe in the family and couples staying together--for some reason you read what you wanted to and not what was there.

    You, are the one who wants to hate. We tell men and women who feel they are abused NOT to call themselves victims and to take responsibility for how they allow others to treat them. You obviously didn't take the time to read the above post, nor the web site--you are just looking for people to fight. Well it's not us--

    We love fathers and don't beleive in victims. and we feel sorry for people who call others names (that's called abuse) when they haven't taken the time to find out what is really going on.

    I wonder who you abused that tried to put you jail? Your kids do need you, so do what you have to get healthy and treat others with the respect you want for yourself and life will get a whole lot better.

  5. Its kind of hard to argue with someone who is open minded enough to use devisive terms like "hate site," "feminazis" and "demonize." Demonization begets demonization. Perhaps you aren't aware of sites like:

    But I guess its hard to do when trying to type fast enough to keep up with your knee jerk reactions.

    Yes men can be abused too. Frankly I saw no where in the aforementioned site that said abuse of men was ok, yet you imply that it what it advocates. And nowhere on You Are A Target do I find any blanket condemnation of possessors of the Y chromosome. All abuse is bad. Period.

    My grandmother had a wonderful saying for posters such as you "never try to teach a pig to sing, it wastes your time and annoys the pig"

    Why don't you put some of that energy you put into posting here into an hour or two a week at a Domestic Violence Crisis Center? They could use some supportive men there. Honest.

  6. You are good girl--go!!!!

    Thanks Fighter for an insightful retort and I do hope he puts his energy in a healthier place.

  7. Its so sad when instead of trying to understand, people go on the attack. It just weakens their point and strengthens ours. I hope they give out new crayons at the psych ward soon.

  8. Do these people have nothing better to do because they sure haven't looked at your site, Shelly. Thank you for this wonderful, informative site and the good work you do. No where have I ever seen you "demonize" men or fathers.

    Do not let the opinions of two, less-than-smart (I am being kind here) individuals get to you. They are just not worth it. I have to laugh when they called your site a "hate site", and "dykehater" used the term feminazi. "dykehater" should at least learn how to spell "creaps" (sic) and learn how to use bias in its adjective form!

    Recently, I've been told I was full of BS, didn't have my facts straight, and a few other things by someone who came to my site and discussion group.

    After Ed Hicks, I have come to realize there are a lot of people like this in the world and frankly they are just taking up oxygen, as Fighter would say!


Please be respectful in how you use language.