binh’s space » Blog Archive » Silence�The Ultimate Control and Power Over Another

I love the differences between abuse and conflict--so many therapists think that both partners need to give a little and they treat abuse like a conflict--they don't realize it is a violation and needs to be stopped. Later the real conflicts can surface...

binh’s space » Blog Archive » Silence�The Ultimate Control and Power Over Another: "In describing verbal abuse it is a boundary violation, it is an intrusion upon another, or disregard of another in a relentless pursuit of Power Over, superiority and dominance by covert or overt means. In a conflict each person wants something different. However, in a conflict the parties discuss their wants, needs and seek a mutually win/win solution. While seeking the solution neither party forces, dominates or controls the other."

you are stupid, fat, lazy

Yeah--been there and done that!


rozina: "5 years on, Julie and Scott are still together and Julies confidence is shot to pieces. Scott still tells her he loves her, from time to time, but spends a lot more time telling her how stupid, lazy, ugly and fat she is. And, of course, how lucky she is to have someone like him, because nobody else would want her. The sad thing is, she believes him totally. Shes been so brainwashed by him for so long. We live in a society where people habitually say rude, abrasive, sometimes clever, things to each other, which are often quite funny. But rude, abrasive words have the power to chip away at a person until they break them into small pieces."

Domestic Violence and Abuse: Signs and Symptoms of Abusive Relationships

What I like most about this info is that is says that violence (verbal emotional) IS A CHOICE!


Domestic Violence and Abuse: Signs and Symptoms of Abusive Relationships: "Domestic abuse, also known as spousal abuse, occurs when one person in an intimate relationship or marriage tries to dominate and control the other person. An abuser doesn’t “play fair.” He uses fear, guilt, shame, and intimidation to wear you down and gain complete power over you. He may threaten you, hurt you, or hurt those around you. Domestic abuse that includes physical violence is called domestic violence. Victims of domestic abuse or domestic violence may be men or women, although women are more commonly victimized. This abuse happens among heterosexual couples and in same-sex partnerships. Except for the gender difference, domestic abuse doesn’t discriminate. It happens within all age ranges, ethnic backgrounds, and financial levels. The abuse may occur during a relationship, while the couple is breaking up, or after the relationship has ended. Despite what many people believe, domestic violence is not due to the abuser’s loss of control over his behavior. In fact, violence is a deliberate choice made by the abuser in order to take control over his wife or partner."

Exposing Online Predators & Cyberpaths: PUBLIC OUTCRY ON MEGAN MEIER CASE

Cyber bullying is something we have to really take a look at How to punish cyberbully.

Exposing Online Predators & Cyberpaths: PUBLIC OUTCRY ON MEGAN MEIER CASE: "MEGAN MEIER SUICIDE ROUNDUP MEGAN MEIER - REACTIONS TO THE REACTIONS TO THE REACTIONS HOW TO PUNISH A CYBERBULLY CYBERPATH PUSHES GIRL TO SUICIDE Labels: criminal, cyberbullying, cyberpath, death, lori drew, megan meier, MySpace, online predators, suicide Fighter posted at 3:10 AM"

Exposing Online Predators & Cyberpaths: MYSPACE HOAX VICTIM'S FAMILY SEEKS JUSTICE

Exposing Online Predators & Cyberpaths: MYSPACE HOAX VICTIM'S FAMILY SEEKS JUSTICE: "“She asked me to stop doing all of this,” she told Lauer. “I told her that we would not stop, that we were going to continue for justice for Megan because we knew what they did.” (sounds exactly like these predators - Click on each name for more information): * 'It was all just a game' Beckstead * 'I'm the victim here' Langley-Guy * 'If you loved me you'd stand by my lies' Thomas * 'They went in with their eyes wide open' except I lied to them - Gridney/ YidwithLid * 'It's all false - my wives set me up' Hicks * 'all women are whores' Dorsky... etc! Even when its done to VULNERABLE adults its WRONG. How dare you expose their cruelty! Right on Mr. & Mrs. Meier for speaking out on behalf of your child!)"

Escape Abuse!

What a great service. Also this is a terrific blog for resources.


Escape Abuse!: "The ADT AWARE® program is a coordinated effort among ADT Security Services, representatives of local law enforcement agencies, prosecutor’s offices and battered women’s shelters. After these community groups have selected participants for the program, ADT donates and installs electronic security systems in the homes of victims of domestic violence. The systems include a hold-up alarm pendant, which can be worn or carried with the victim while in the home. In the event of an imminent attack, the victim can press the button on the pendant, sending an immediate, silent alarm to ADT, which in turn notifies the appropriate police agency. Law enforcement agencies participating in the AWARE® program have agreed to respond to these AWARE® alarms on a priority basis."

Abuse survivor to lead rescue -- chicagotribune.com

I really like this story--this woman understands abuse and how it undermines even the most professional woman with resources--why don't they leave? she answers the questions....


Abuse survivor to lead rescue -- chicagotribune.com: "The worst part, she said, wasn't physical abuse but verbal tirades that chipped away at her self-esteem, along with a growing sense of isolation, which included his forbidding her from seeing her family. 'One Christmas my mother called, asking, if she couldn't be with her grandchildren, could I at least come over and pick up some gifts? I can't believe I allowed that to happen,' she said, her voice choked with emotion. So why wouldn't this professional woman with economic resources just pack up and leave? It's difficult for outsiders to understand, West said, ticking off a long list of reasons, from shame to an upbringing that included a reverence for loyalty (her parents have been married for more than 50 years) to the belief that maybe, just maybe, what the man had been telling her all these years was true: It was her fault. 'As scientists, we're trained to look at all sides...that you always have to open the door to other points of view,' she said. 'So, I kept thinking...if I didn't do whatever angered him, things would get better.'"

An abuser does an about face

Progress, progress, I love proress


The Albert Lea Tribune: "“I know I hurt just about everyone I talked to then,” Haukoos said. “But now that I look back on it, I was a big loser. Nobody won. Everybody lost. I see that now.” As a graduate of Freeborn County’s Domestic Abuse Program, the 24-year-old man has completed a 27-week program designed to teach abusers the alternatives to the life they had been living — and to take accountability for their actions. Haukoos said the course, which is set up as a group program, has taught him invaluable skills that he will always remember. And though the dark thoughts that led to the abuse and the drug use still sometimes creep into his mind, he now recognizes them as they appear and knows the tools that he can use to make sure those thoughts don’t become actions — ever again."

Abusive Relationships - Dangerous Relationships - Domestic Violence - How To Spot A Dangerous Man

You don't pick these men--they pick you!!!!

Abusive Relationships - Dangerous Relationships - Domestic Violence - How To Spot A Dangerous Man: "“DANGEROUS” is what he does to your soul 1. Have You Been Emotionally, Physically or Sexually Abused In Your Relationship with Your Dangerous Man?
2. Cheated On? More Than Once? Do You Keep Picking Cheaters?
3. Have You Dated Or Married Stalkers Or Predators?
4. Are You Attracted To Addicts, Abusive, Violent, or Married Men?
5. Have You Picked Men Who Are Mentally Ill?
6. Are You Tired Of Go-Nowhere Relationships With Married Men?
7. Do You Want To Know Why You Keep Picking These Kinds Of Men?"

Family conflict not necessarily domestic violence

It's true that not every time the police are called, is it a true on-going abuse case. we do need more education and yes, the legal system is not stopping domestic, verbal and emotional abuse--not battering! Read this article. Robert has some good points.

SouthCoastToday.com: YOUR VIEW: New thinking is needed in response to domestic violence: "The use of the criminal justice system as the primary role of preventing family violence has not worked. The threat of arrest, incarceration and fines has not been enough to dissuade possible perpetrators from carrying through on their aggressive behavior. The dynamics of family violence are more subtle than can be dealt with in the right/wrong, perpetrator/victim processes and procedures that are part of law enforcement and the judicial system. The latter are essential when there is evidence that a clear crime has been committed, but most incidents of family violence do not meet the level of battering behavior. There is a growing body of research that recognizes that most of the family disputes in which the police become involved are not battering relationships (in which one person, whether male or female, whether heterosexual or homosexual, is attempting to control the other person through intimidation, threats and violence). Instead, most situations are what can be termed 'family conflict,' in which there can be disagreements, arguments, even some pushing and shoving and that might be part of a long-standing relationship or might be a one-time incident."

WIStv.com Columbia, SC: Evangelist speaks against domestic violence

Finally! someone who is acknowledging that the abuser has done something that needs forgiving! Before we have been shamed into being seen as the guilty party for complaining aobut it or "breaking up the family". It's the abusers problem--he (or she) created it.


WIStv.com Columbia, SC: Evangelist speaks against domestic violence: "Evangelist Juanita Bynum's husband was recently arrested and accused of attacking her. For the first time since the incident happened she's talking about it. Evangelist Bynum made an appearance Tuesday night in Georgia. First to reporters in Buckhead, then to a national television audience, Bynam promised to be the 'new face of domestic violence.' 'Today, domestic violence has a face and it is Juanita Bynum.' Standing before cameras, Juanita Bynum declared she's not a damsel in distress, and wanted to say for the record. 'I forgive my husband and I wish him the best.'"

salleebuckley's Xanga Site

this is an article worth reading. This is abuse in its rarest! Why would we start seeing a guy who called us a cunt the first time we met? we have to question ourselves in these situations.

salleebuckley's Xanga Site: "Shed sprained her ankle and a friend was half-supporting, half-carrying her. Despite the pain she couldnt help but notice the good looking guy waiting at the bus stop. Scott looked at her and his first words to her were that she was a drunken c**t. Julie thought that was hilarious. By the time she got off the bus they had exchanged phone numbers."

Equality called key to ending abuse

We don't want to blame the victim--we don't want to blame the family, employer, or police. who is let to blame? Oh, the perpetrator!

We too often look for other causes--but one thing we will always say her at youareatarget.com is that if women want to stop abuse, they have to learn how to enforce the respect-me-rules. In order to be equal, we must act equal--remember, the only way people will walk on you is if you lay down! (pun intended)


Equality called key to ending abuse: "A high-profile review of domestic violence in Ontario puts too much blame on friends and families of victims and offers a bandage solution, a London women's advocate charges. 'There seems to be a shift away from holding the abuser accountable and now holding society accountable,' Megan Walker, head of the London Abused Women's Centre, said yesterday. 'No (ordinary people) can stop a man from killing a woman if that is what he wants to do.' The report, which highlights the need for more public education and awareness, misses the key point about domestic violence, she said."

It can happen to anyone

Lots of times the affluent have a more difficult time admitting what is happening to them. read this for more info...

News: "Through July of this year, Cabot Police were dispatched on 315 domestic calls. Of those 315 calls, 81 resulted in an official police report and 66 of those involved actual domestic battery. Many people think that domestic abuse happens only in low income neighborhoods based upon what they see on television but officials say domestic abuse is not limited to the low income. In fact, police say that it is as common in the affluent neighborhoods as it is in the trailer parks. Even an affluent city like Cabot has its share of domestic abuse, local victims say. And Lucas says that Cabot crime statistics confirm that suspicion."

Debating Domestic Violence in Religion

sosad that we have to worry about our religious leaders!


11Alive.com - Debating Domestic Violence in Religion: "The charges of domestic violence between the Bishop and his Evangelist wife have shaken the very bedrock of the nation's religious community, pulling back the veneer of faith in a very public way to reveal that even servants of God can be dealing with some very human emotions. “This shake-up of the church and our society in general is important because it shines light on a situation that needs to be addressed,' said Diamond Goodwin, another student at Spelman. School officials had young women like Goodwin and Perry in mind when they organized the forum. “Just trying to really make certain that their spirits are not wounded,” said Dr. Lisa Rhodes, the Dean of Spelman’s Sisters Chapel, where the event was held. “We can help them to understand that violence against women occurs inside the church and outside the church and violence against women is a global issue; and to see religious leaders involved in violence hopefully does not disillusion them.'"

Victim Talks About Surviving Domestic Abuse

ABC 13 - Victim Talks About Surviving Domestic Abuse: "Eley - 'I'll hug them, and listen to them.' And, in the end, she believes her story will help save them. As long as they find the strength to save themselves. Eley - 'I see hope. But, I think they need to see determination.' The Domestic Violence Prevention Center, where Betty Eley works, has a number of warning signs and methods for fighting back. Click here for a link to their website."

Organization gives Texas teenagers red flags on relationship violence

Yeah for texas. the sooner we begin teaching our young people that they need to respect themselves and not allow anyone tomistreat them--as son as we teach them it is NOT ok to abuse a partner, we will help stem this abusive tide--


Killeen Daily Herald - Organization gives Texas teenagers red flags on relationship violence: "Red Flags, formed by the Texas Council on Family Violence, was organized to inform teens and young adults about how to spot and deal with dating violence.

Dating violence isn't always about physical abuse; it's a pattern of abusive behaviors – some physical, some emotional – that one person uses to control another in a relationship.

A recent survey by the Texas Council on Family Violence polled more than 900 young Texans on their attitudes toward and experiences with dating violence behaviors, ranging from controlling actions to physical harm.

Fifty percent of the respondents reported personally experiencing dating violence, whether as the target or abuser. Two out of five teens and young adults said they've experienced verbal abuse. One out of four reported physical violence, and one out of five reported sexual violence."

Organization gives Texas teenagers red flags on relationship violence

Good for texas! If we begin training young people to watch out for these things, we will have a lot fewer abusers and fewer partners who will allow abusive partners in their lives.

illeen Daily Herald - Organization gives Texas teenagers red flags on relationship violence: "Red Flags, formed by the Texas Council on Family Violence, was organized to inform teens and young adults about how to spot and deal with dating violence.

Dating violence isn't always about physical abuse; it's a pattern of abusive behaviors – some physical, some emotional – that one person uses to control another in a relationship.

A recent survey by the Texas Council on Family Violence polled more than 900 young Texans on their attitudes toward and experiences with dating violence behaviors, ranging from controlling actions to physical harm.

Fifty percent of the respondents reported personally experiencing dating violence, whether as the target or abuser. Two out of five teens and young adults said they've experienced verbal abuse. One out of four reported physical violence, and one out of five reported sexual violence."

Exposing Online Predators & Cyberpaths: CALL FOR INFORMATION: NATHAN ERNEST BURL THOMAS, JR. - ON THE RUN!

The more we tell the more women we will be able to help--when you keep the secrets, they keep going. Don't keep it secret--the abuse in your life should be out in the open, for you, for them, for us!

Exposing Online Predators & Cyberpaths: CALL FOR INFORMATION: NATHAN ERNEST BURL THOMAS, JR. - ON THE RUN!: "Nathan Ernest Burl Thomas Jr, aka Nathan E B Thomas Jr., date of birth 03-DEC-1952, born in Arkansas, uses the online dating sites, pen pal sites, etc. to find vulnerable women!

His MODUS OPERANDI is always the same:
He tells his targets he is a widower from a Puerto Rican woman called Felicia, who passed away of cancer some years ago - (we sell fake Kleenex for all those who have cried hearing this fake story) – and he will fake a strong sadness for this imaginary woman.

After some time, probably after meeting the target, he loves bomb his “woman target” and starts a torrid relationship. He flies to the “victim's” country or pays for his victims to fly to meet him as well. It’s a perfect romance copied from the best love story out there.

He acts like a gentleman, fakes ethics & religiousness, helps old ladies on the street, loves children, gives money to beggars!!!

You will NEVER see his 'house' - he will always stay in a hotel with you."

relate this to the Micheal vick story below!

THE ABUSIVE MARRIAGE: "It's as if society expects abused women to think and act as mentally healthy, stable human beings, while scoffing at what could possibly be wrong with such a person who would stay in an abusive relationship. She's already fully aware that no one understands her and that she is judged and ostracized. Yet, she is expected to courageously and confidently embark upon a whole new life for herself in a society which looks down their noses at her, whispers and laughs behind her back, and avoids contact with her as if she has the plague.

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In a society so technically advanced, educated and so concerned with Constitutional Rights and 'political-correctness', we should be ashamed that our women and children are still treated just a little less than human. Oh, we hear plenty talk about stopping child abuse, but when an instance is reported, rarely is anything done, and nothing is heard, until the child is dead. And women who find themselves in abusive relationships are always blamed by the abuser, and then blamed by society for not 'just leaving', judged by those who have no idea what they would do in the same situation. It's so easy to say I would do this or I would do that, but... until the thing has actually happened to you, you do not know what you would do."

We treat dogs better than women

GREAT article and bravo to Mike Bianchi for this fabulous sports commentary!


Ignoring domestic abuse is the shame of the sports world -- OrlandoSentinel.com: "If only Michael Vick had been arrested for abusing women instead of dogs.

He'd still be on the football field today.

He'd still have the love and adoration of his fans.

And, yes, he'd still have his Nike deal.

Such is the shame of professional sports.

Dogs are treated with more respect than women.

'It makes me angry that the sports world gets outraged when an athlete tortures a dog, but nobody says a word when an athlete abuses his wife or girlfriend,' says Carol Wick, who operates Harbor House, a local shelter for battered women and children. 'Not that we shouldn't be outraged by animal abuse, but shouldn't we be just as outraged with spousal abuse?'

Actually, shouldn't we be more outraged?"

Representative Mark Olson and 'Battered Husband Syndrome'

Boy, are their hot stories today--my blogging fingers are smok'in. Here is a story about the battered male! Well, it's true. Many men suffer at the verbal abuse of their wives and girlfriends (and battering). This is a story worth reading about Mark Olson...


MND: News and Commentary Since 2001 » Representative Mark Olson and 'Battered Husband Syndrome': "Representative Mark Olson (R-MN) was arrested in November of last year on domestic assault charges. According to the news reports, the charges stemmed from an argument with his wife of three or four years, Heidi. Heidi has five children from a previous marriage, and the argument was over one of her children, who is described as autistic.

What's most interesting about this case is that Mr. Olson's attorney decided (from what the newspapers report) to use a defense of 'battered husband's syndrome' at his trial. You rarely hear about this defense being used by a man, though often it is used as a defense for women who are charged with a felony or murder of their intimate partners.

Rep. Olson was charged with two misdemeanor domestic assault charges, one of intending to cause her to fear bodily harm and a more serious charge of harming or intending to harm her. He testified that Heidi was the one that instigated the abuse that led to his arrest. He also testified tearfully that she had been verbally threatening and at times physically abusive throughout their marriage.

Read more about the abuse he says he endured here.

The jury found Rep. Olson guilty of the lesser charge and acquitted him of the more serious charge. After the verdict, Rep."

JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness: More Verbal Abuse

Here is a blog from a woman with the same name as my daughter "Karma". She is just now beginning to wake up to what abuse is and we want to help her learn how to put a stop to it NOW. Drop by her blog and send some encouraging words.


JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness: More Verbal Abuse: "More Verbal Abuse

Augh! I don't know if I would have realized what was going on without some of your comments. But, Jerry has kept up with these negative remarks about me, making fun of me, responding negatively whenever I try to communicate with him, ignoring me when I feel emotional at all about my Mom....

So, I sent him the below email:"

blog.myspace.com/angelstar8083

thank you Angel star for making this avaialb.e I think it's the first time that MySpace has been blogged by us.


blog.myspace.com/angelstar8083: "Nobody has the right to abuse anyone else, ever.

Many women [or men] think or believe, that if they are not being physically harmed by their partner, then they are not being abused. This is far from true. If you are in a relationship which is draining something from you... you might not have recognized that your partner is eroding your self-esteem and happiness through verbal, mental, emotional and other forms of abuse.

The following is a list of ways to tell if someone is abusing you without physically touching you:"

The Healing Art of Communication - by Ayal Hurst

A great site with lots of good info sent to us from one of our readers, Andrea G.

thanks, Andrea, this will help a lot of our "students" for the tutorial.

The Healing Art of Communication - by Ayal Hurst: "Violence comes from the belief that other people cause our pain and therefore deserve punishment. The cause of our feelings is located in our own thinking. For instance, if a person says to another: 'You doubt me all the time,' what is that person really thinking and feeling? What they are really feeling is the following: 'I am feeling insecure. I don't know if I trust my own competence and I am needing to know that I do things well.'

What messages are conveyed to the other person in the statement 'You doubt me all the time!'? Projection, guilt, shame.... you're wrong for doing this, it's your fault I feel this way, etc. In order to be able to relate to another and not blame them for what goes on for us, we have to shine the light of consciousness on our own feelings and discover what we are really feeling and needing."

Advocate's past helps her reach abuse victims

There are so many us that can be advocates becasue we have been there--we are each other's family and best freinds--some of us go professinal but most just reach out to the others behind us--Krystal is an inspiration to all of us--read her story:



Advocate's past helps her reach abuse victims: "Now enrolled in graduate school at Seattle University, she works as a legal advocate for mothers and children at a south King County domestic violence shelter. Her own experience is a powerful reminder about how children are affected by domestic violence, she says.

Counseling through Youth Eastside Services is an equally powerful reminder of how important another voice can be in helping a child cope with the emotional trauma of domestic violence, she says.

It's why she speaks out on behalf of the group whenever she gets the opportunity."

angerarchive: A Biblical View of verbal abuse

Finally, a man we can be proud of when it ocmes to religion and verbal abuse! What a great article! I recommend reading this for sure!


angerarchive: A Biblical View of verbal abuse: "t is not God's will for you (or your friend) to be in a verbally abusive relationship. Those angry and critical words will destroy your confidence and self-esteem. Being submissive in a marriage relationship (Ephesians 5:22) does not mean allowing yourself to be verbally beaten by your partner. 1 Peter 3:1 does teach that wives, by being submissive to their husbands, may win them to Christ by their behavior. But it does not teach that they must allow themselves to be verbally or physically abused.

Here are some key biblical principles. First, know that God loves you. The Bible teaches, 'The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.' (Psalm 34:18)

Second, deal with your feelings of guilt. You may be feeling that the problems in your marriage are your fault. 'If only I would do better, he wouldn't be so angry with me.' The Bible teaches in Psalm 51:6 that 'Surely You desire truth in the inner parts; You teach me wisdom in the inmost place.' Even though you may have feelings of guilt, you may not be the guilty party. I would recommend you read my article on the subject of false guilt.{5}"

Psychological Distress Are Recipe for Higher Unemployment

This is something we don't think about often--how verbal and domestic abuse affect the employability of the target of the abuse!

Newswise Social and Behavioral Sciences News | Domestic Violence, Psychological Distress Are Recipe for Higher Unemployment: "The study found that domestic violence had no effect on welfare use before or after the legislation was enacted. It also did not have an effect on employment before the new law was passed, but afterward the likelihood of being unemployed increased if there was a history of domestic violence during the transition to adulthood.

“When you are an adolescent mother and have violence in your relationship it sets you up for problems down the road,” said Taryn Lindhorst, lead author of the study and a UW assistant professor of social work. “Domestic violence has an accumulative effect over time so that abused women were less likely to work. After the change in welfare policy, women who were abused were less likely to be employed compared to teenage mothers who were not abused.”"

Fighting Bigamy: Serial Bigamist Ed Hicks Online Trolling For His Next Victim

This guy is sooo ugly, I can't understand how women fall for it? I had a guy just recently zero in on me, but he was handsome and charming. I made one date and then some people let me know that he targets women with a few prospects and lives off them until they catch on. He claims to be a gold miner with a rich mine---Huh--fortunately I LISTEN now when other women tell me about guys I meet. I used to think, "not me" or I can change this guy--its nice to finally grow up!

Lets help some other women grow up and spread the work about Hicks!

Fighting Bigamy: Serial Bigamist Ed Hicks Online Trolling For His Next Victim: "Serial bigamist Charles 'Ed' Hicks just won't stop. He is back online trolling for women in the Sumter, SC (29150) area. You can read one of his latest ads online, and his ID on this dating site is Kitesurfer06. He also has an ad on Singles.net and is id is sailorboy69. He is a featured member on Singles.net, which means he has paid for the ad; he is also using 'Charles' instead of Ed. His full name is Charles Edward Hicks. He is also on Mate1as Windsurfer00, AdultFriendFinder as Beachman01951, and on True.com as islandhopper00."

MyFox St. Louis | Text: FOX Files: Husband Abuse

It does work both ways--it is not always men abusing women--this is so sad.


MyFox St. Louis | Text: FOX Files: Husband Abuse:

A Fox files exclusive report sheds light on what really happened when a Belleville woman beat her live in ex-husband to death with a bat. This case of domestic violence sheds new light on women abusing men.

Joann Godt tortured Jay Godt. Police say she cut his genitals, pulled his teeth out and eventually beat him to death. Neighbors witnessed the verbal and physical attacks outside their mobile home in Belleville. If Jay didn't mow the lawn correctly, neighbors say she punched him in the head with her fist. Co-workers at the Belleville News Democrat noticed Jay looked bad. He was hospitalized about six weeks before he died. Police could tell he had been beaten then, but Jay blamed a neighbor."

SJ-R.COM - Senate approves bill to protect pets in domestic abuse cases

YEAH!!!!!!


SJ-R.COM - Senate approves bill to protect pets in domestic abuse cases

House Bill 9, which passed the Senate on Tuesday, isn’t aimed only at curbing animal abuse, said Sen. William Haine, D-Alton, who sponsored the legislation in the Senate.

“Many of these acts are not only cruelty to animals, but they’re directed as part of an effort of domestic violence against someone who’s gone to court for an order of protection or seeking a divorce or whatever,” he said. “Frequently the pets are a target in order to direct stress and terror against the person who’s brought the petition.”

As Madison County state’s attorney for 14 years, Haine said, “we saw several situations where family pets were destroyed - killed - by people who were using them as a way to commit domestic violence against their boyfriend or girlfriend.”

The legislation allows a judge to order the person named in the order of protection to “stay away from the animal and forbid (him or her) from taking, transferring, encumbering, concealing, harming or otherwise disposing of the animal.”

It was supported by the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals, along with the Coalition Against Domestic Violence.

A news release the ASPCA issued after the vote said 71 percent of pet-owning women in domestic violence shelters reported that a family pet had been threatened, injured or killed by their abuser.

“Victims of domestic violence should never have to fear for their pets’ safety when making the decision to leave a violent situation,” Ed Sayres, president and CEO of the ASPCA, said in the statement.

When Is It Okay Under HIPAA to Report Domestic Violence?

I really dont bleive in secrets and I don't bleive in keeping the abusers secrets. the whole site trys to encourage peole to stop the secret keeping--but anturally there are exceptions and that has to be on a case by case basis--reach about what health care professionals face everyday with the secret keeping aspect of health care


When Is It Okay Under HIPAA to Report Domestic Violence?: "With or without a victim's request, protected health information (PHI) is not protected if a crime was involved, Stark found. 'Our attorney told us that if we feel that a patient is in danger, we have every right to report it [and] we could probably be held liable if we didn't.'

But there is a twist. Stark says caregivers want to be cautious and not jump to conclusions or make false accusations. 'You wouldn't want to do anything.that would prevent patients from seeking care because they might start to think that every time they come in, their privacy is going to be breached.'

Jon Burke, a consultant on privacy and security issues, agrees. He says a hospital should take advantage of all the options it has before contacting police. 'If a patient comes in with a variety of wound patterns that show an abuse context, it is a no-brainer: Make the call,' he tells RPP. But, he says, 'in a normal hospital, there is a psychiatrist on call or a social worker on call. Before you put someone in the system, you really need to consider [those options].. Try to relate to what you would do in the course of normal life. Knowing what you know, how likely would you be to report this? If you know that someone is beating the hell out of somebody else, yeah, report it. But if you're not sure, then ask."

‘Culture’ no excuse for black kids’ verbal abuse

Abuse often begins in the home where we are taught that it is OK to control others by verbal and emotional abuse. It is certainly true in some rap music, even some country western music! It is true in some religions, and very true in authoritarian families where men believe they are above their women--to make matters worse, when we comply to make it better--we train them that abuse works!

What do you think of the school officials excusing the verbal abuse saying that the teacher ought to learn to live with it?


www.kansascity.com | 05/20/2007 | ‘Culture’ no excuse for black kids’ verbal abuse: "The case concerned Elizabeth Kandrac, who was routinely verbally abused by black students at Brentwood Middle School in North Charleston. Their slurs make Don Imus look like a church deacon.

Nevertheless, despite frequent complaints, school officials did nothing to intervene on Kandrac’s behalf, arguing the racially charged profanity was simply part of the students’ culture. If Kandrac couldn’t handle cursing, school officials told her, she was in the wrong school.

Kandrac finally filed a complaint with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission and subsequently sued the Charleston County School District, the school’s principal and an associate superintendent. Last fall, jurors found that the school was a racially hostile environment to teach in and that the district retaliated against Kandrac for complaining about it."

Tami Brady- Regaining Control

Tami has written a book and it is worth taking a look at--regain control? Yes, let's learn to take back our lvies!


Tami Brady- Home Page: "Keep on Trying

Lie Low.

Keep my resolve High.

If I keep on trying.

I will make it there...eventually.

(Excerpt from From Lost to Found)"

U.S. Presence in Iraq Promotes Muslim Feminism - FOX Fan

Something to thin about!

FOXNews.com - U.S. Presence in Iraq Promotes Muslim Feminism - FOX Fan: "But no culture can truly celebrate mothers, unless they first respect women. In the United States, women hold top positions in government, law, academia, business, and even the military. Democrats claim to be the favorite of America’s women. Indeed, polling data shows that upwards of 55 percent of American women vote Democratic in national elections. And Nancy Pelosi, the first woman Speaker of the House of Representatives, insists that Democrats care about 'women’s rights.' Unfortunately, if Ms. Pelosi and her Democrat Party allies have their way, 650 million women around the globe may well be abandoned to the most misogynistic abuse imaginable at the hands of radical Islamists."

Verbal Abuse: It's About Control - Associated Content

Verbal Abuse: It's About Control - Associated Content: "Alec Baldwin's verbal abuse phone call brings up many things concerning proper parenting techniques. Just because your parents treated you in the same manner does not make it right to do the same to your kids."

You Are Not Crazy - Listen to What Verbal Abuse Really Sounds Like.

I have found a site I'm crazy about! Please go here and check it out--there's a bit of a learning curve--but Elieen has put up a "quiz" that is actually a tutorial. I would encourage all of you who have done our tutorial at YouAreATarget.com to go through hers--Great job Elieen!!!

You Are Not Crazy - Listen to What Verbal Abuse Really Sounds Like.

Jewish Survivors of Sexual Violence Speak Out: Verbal beatings hurt as much as sexual abuse

We already knew this but its nice that Harvard is coming on board!

Jewish Survivors of Sexual Violence Speak Out: Verbal beatings hurt as much as sexual abuse: "Sticks and stones may break my bones,
But names will never hurt me. …

That often repeated children’s rhyme is wrong, according to Harvard University psychiatrists. Scolding, swearing, yelling, blaming, insulting, threatening, ridiculing, demeaning, and criticizing can be as harmful as physical abuse, sexual abuse outside the home, or witnessing physical abuse at home, notes a report in the April issue of the Harvard Mental Health Letter.

The report suggests that, when verbal abuse is constant and severe, it creates a risk of post-traumatic stress disorder, the same type of psychological collapse experienced by combat troops in Iraq. The research on which the report is based points out that children who are the target of frequent verbal mistreatment exhibit higher rates of physical aggression, delinquency, and social problems than other children."

The View of Prevention Advocates on the Alec Baldwin Verbal Abuse Case

Maybe if we stopped allowing partners to abuse us with words and neglect, we would have a better chance that it would not extend to our kids. Verbal and emotional abuse boils down to respect for each of us--why do we think we can treat our loved ones so shabbily? More importantly, why do adults allow their partners to do it to them?


The View of Prevention Advocates on the Alec Baldwin Verbal Abuse Case: "Emotional abuse - which can involve belittling, criticizing, and ignoring - is child abuse, plain and simple. Even divorced parents need to work together to make sure their children are protected from it. Emotional abuse can happen when a parent is under stress and does not know how to properly manage that stress;"

True You Recovery -Learning to ditch secrete keeping

i don't beleive in keeping secrets becasue i think it is the single greatest destoryer of familes and marriages. I bleive in not keeping our own and not keeping theirs! Keeping their secrets is enabling--a friend has written a book that you must read! check it out!

True You Recovery - Enriching life through personal growth and recovery!: "For three decades, author and counselor John Howard Prin lived as a Secret Keeper®, and his secret addictions escalated to near catastrophe. Since breaking the habit, he has directly experienced the rewards of successful recovery — whole-mindedness and renewed integrity. In these pages, he offers compelling true stories and practical exercises to empower readers to break their secret-keeping® habit or help a loved one caught in a web of deception.

The first half of the book explores the human tendency to keep secrets, profiling a variety of secret keepers from all walks of life. The second half provides a clear, step-by-step approach to healing, rebuilding self-esteem, and living a healthy, secret-free life."

A.G. proposes dating violence education

It would be so great to teach our young people to stand up for themselves right from the beginning!

The Pawtucket Times - A.G. proposes dating violence education: "All school districts in the state could soon be providing dating-violence education to middle and high school students.
Attorney General Patrick Lynch unveiled the Lindsay Ann Burke Act Thursday, a bill that would mandate schools to teach students in health education classes about the dangers of dating violence.
The bill is named for Burke, a North Kingstown native and Rhode Island College graduate, who was 23 in September of 2005 when she was murdered by her former boyfriend in his Warwick home. He was found guilty in January and is awaiting sentencing."

Reasons to stay and reasons to leave

Sanctuary for the abused is one of my favorite resources when discussing abusive situations. The owner has LOTS of great info. the latest is a letter to Rachel looking at abuse ina Jewish marriage and how it came about--how peole don't see it before the knot is tied. Read about it:

SANCTUARY FOR THE ABUSED: "Everyone checks up on hashkafah, yichus, education and wealth – but the most crucial detail is often overlooked: a hot temper. Men (or women) hide it well when dating, for obvious reasons.

It manifested itself after our engagement, but I was too embarrassed to break it off. Big mistake.

My father, a”h, a kind, gentle man, never raised his voice to my mother. My husband would yell at me over any triviality, often in public. My parents kept telling me to be nicer, more giving, to avoid instigating his wrath. But there is no perfection good enough for such a person.

If his income was limited, it was I who couldn’t manage.
If the children misbehaved, it was I who didn’t raise them properly.
If the house wasn’t perfectly neat and clean, it was I who wasn’t doing my job well.
His short fuse was always lit, ready to blow at any moment.
"

The Teachings of Toads

Verbal abuse can be one of our greatest lessons--go read april's blog on toads and what we canlearn from them!

AskApril Blog» Blog Archive » The Teachings of Toads: "Guys like this learn early on that they make the decisions and bark the orders while people around them scramble to meet their approval. Unfortunately that bar goes higher and higher, always out of reach, until the wife stops trying to grasp it and just turns away throwing bitterness at the gallantly misinformed bar holder. He’s mad. She’s mad. The roles are so entrenched, damsel and knight, that to restructure them into a working partnership is all but impossible.

Although painful, it’s easy enough logistically for women to remove themselves from the situation. The emotional clutches are a different story. In my friend’s case, there are four minor children involved as well as her own spirit, crushed after entrusting it to someone who misused the power he was given. To this day it frustrates her that he is able to re-crumple her self worth with hateful accusations and appraisals. He, of course, does it because he’s incapable of seeing his part in pushing her away. It’s more comfortable for him to continue manipulating her through blame and tossing failure, like a hot potato, into her hands.

But painful as it’s been for her she’s learning about herself and beginning to understand his motives. And those are all rooted in fear, insecurity and lack of insight. "

Pets & Domestic Abuse-TAKE the DOG!

Don't stay becasue your partner says they will hurt the animals (or neglect them). but don't leave the little guys either. You may be able to get help with your pet if yo decide to leave. Here's what one county is doing.

Live 5 news - Local News - Pets & Domestic Abuse: "A domestic abuse counseling expert tells us abusers use animals as a method of controlling a victim, often threatening the safety of the pet. Often times shelters for battered women do not allow animals and victims are scared to leave their pets behind.

The correlation between animal abuse and domestic violence is well documented by organizations like the Humane Society. In 2004, a study was done at domestic violence shelters across the country. It found that 91% of adult victims and 73% of child victim say their pets were abused as well.

Noting that connection, organization across the country including the John Ancrum SPCA are helping battered women and their pets by offering to keep them safe while a woman is in a shelter.

If you are in an abusive situation and have a pet, when you prepare to leave, the Humane Society says take your pets vaccination records, identification, medication and proof of ownership with you.
"

Abuse Bowl? True or False?

: "Back in Jan. 28, 1993, three days before the Super Bowl game at the Rose Bowl in Pasadena, Calif., a press conference was held by a coalition of women's groups. Calif. Senator Sheila Kuehl, then the director of the California Women's Law Center, said beatings and hospital admissions rose 40 percent in northern Virginia after the Redskins won the Super Bowl in 1989. She cited a study done by Virginia's Old Dominion University in 1990."

Go read the artical. Most police and shelter personnel say this is not true! Good, I don't want to believe it anyway!

Extra Resources, for abuse

Resources, statistics - Newsday.com: "RESOURCES

Sakhi Helpline: 212-868-6741 sakhi.org

The Domestic Harmony Committee at The Islamic Center of Long Island 24 hour hotline: 516-942-2081 icliny.org/pages/page6.htm

Turning Point, a community- based, nonprofit organization addressing the needs of Muslim women and children through crisis intervention, individual and group counseling, advocacy, outreach, education and training. Helpline: 718-883-9400 turningpoint-ny.org

Suffolk County Coalition Against Domestic Violence Hotline: 631-666-8833 sccadv.org

Nassau County Coalition Against Domestic Violence 516-572-0700 Hotline: 516-542-0404 cadvnc.org

National Domestic Violence Hotline Hotline: 800-799-7233 ndvh.org"

MotherJones.com | MoJo Blog - Social Issues and Political Commentary: Abused Women Have Higher Health Care Costs and More Health Care Visits

MotherJones.com | MoJo Blog - Social Issues and Political Commentary: Abused Women Have Higher Health Care Costs and More Health Care Visits: "A new study shows that women who experience spouse or partner abuse have much higher health care costs and utilize more health care services than women who have no history of such violence. Years after abuse stops, these women continue to use the health care system more and to incur higher costs.

The abuse discussed in the study includes not only overt physical abuse, but also threats, controlling behavior and verbal abuse. Of the 3,333 women, aged 18 to 64, those who had been abused had 19% higher annual health care costs than other women. This group also had17% more primary health care visits, 14% more specialist visits, and 27% more prescription refills."

2007 Weblog Awards - Blog Of The Day Awards - Top Blog Awards: SANCTUARY FOR THE ABUSED - Best Blog - Top Blogs - Best Blog Awards - blogofthedayaward

Congradulations Fighter!!! We love you and love the service you do for all of us. You deserve this award and we are behind you 100%. after you hcekc out fighter's award, take a look at ther comment at the end of the FAQ section. Her input is invaluable, thanks Fighter!

2007 Weblog Awards - Blog Of The Day Awards - Top Blog Awards: SANCTUARY FOR THE ABUSED - Best Blog - Top Blogs - Best Blog Awards - blogofthedayawards.blogspot.com - 2007 blog awards weblog awards: "2007 Weblog Awards - Blog Of The Day Awards - Top Blog Awards: SANCTUARY FOR THE ABUSED

Blog of the Day Awards for Wednesday January 31 2007


A Blog of the Day Award goes to SANCTUARY FOR THE ABUSED Articles, clickable links & resources on verbal, psychological & emotional abuse and personality disorders. "