Contemplating Divorce From His Emotional And Verbal Abuse

I always hate to see someone reach this awful place--where they just can't take it onemore minute--we really bleieve that most marriages can be saved--but it takes work on the part of the target and an understanding that can't abuse you if you don't allow it. Anyway, read her story--it breaks my heart--and if you haven't yet, go enroll in the Verbal Abuse Defense course-(free).

Contemplating Divorce From His Emotional And Verbal Abuse: "ter many hurts from infidelities and emotional and verbal abuse, I’m exhausted and contemplating divorce. I hate myself for allowing myself to come to this. I hate myself for allowing him to get to me. I hate myself for allowing my child to hear us fight like that. I've woken up defeated. I'm definitely divorcing him now, but just have to wait to start getting paid and save money"

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Lets Congratulate more Graduates from the Tutorial

The recent "Verbal Abuse Defense Certificate" Graduates:   We thank them all for their participation and are sharing some of the insights they learned andhoefully will carry into the future for their own self-respect.

Sharon C. (on closure)
I would understand and know that the perpetrator of abusive behavior would've and will abuse whether i was the target or not.when i learn to keep my power more proficiently, I will avoid getting sucked in to false promises in future.

Em K.  (rewarding behavior)
When we give them what they want, they believe they earned it successfully with their behavior. It is
not kind to allow them to continue this behavior.

Jennifer P.  (how he treats me)
He is a raging bull and his target is me. He acts as if he hates me and lives only to punish me. He
never apologizes for anything and we just move on like it never happened. I may bring it up, but he just denies or blames me for it. I'm fully aware of what he's trying to do.

Catherine M.   (closure)
A mutual acknowledgement that it took two people to end the "relationship". Civility. Just a parting that allows both people to go on with their lives. Respect and regard and well wishes for their future.
Gratitude for lessons learned.

Broken Heart (on rewarding behavior)
 Their behavior will only intensify if we allow our perpetrator to continue to be mean

Penny D.  (How to stop abuse)
Do not respond. Do not react. Do not reward them. Do not accept blame. Do not explain or
apologize. Focus on self-care. Do not allow contact if necessary

Jada L. (on detachment)
 Disassociating one's self from the abuser's behavior; not to dance with them. Also, to keep focused on self staying positive. Remembering that this is what you can do and this is what you cannot do.

Domestic Verbal And Physical Violence Linked To Poor Dental Health; Does Abuse Lead To Cavities?

This is a new twist, but makes sense. A dirty mouth leads to a dirty mouth!

Domestic Verbal And Physical Violence Linked To Poor Dental Health; Does Abuse Lead To Cavities?: "Negative behaviors such as hitting, kicking, insulting, and threatening, ruin the family dynamic’s regular routines, such as tooth brushing and emotional stress eating. "There's a pretty good history in the [medical] literature of lousy family environments being associated with bad health, so I guess our findings aren't surprising in that regard," the study’s co-author Michael Lorber, di"



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My View: Freedom of speech or verbal abuse? -

This is something we have to think about with verbal abuse--I am a staunch first amendment rights person and when my ex called me names. I told him that he could not say that to me.



He replied, "I can say any goddamned thing I want to!"



and I have to agree--he can. He just can't say them to me.  And that is the crucial. If he want s to talk like that--well, OK. Your first amendment right prevails. However, if you want to say it to me, my self-respect prevails. I chose to respect myself and remove myself from the presence of those that don't respect me.



I hope you feel the same--see what this board member says about it--even though he is not talking about a marriage or relationship, the principle is the same:



My View: Freedom of speech or verbal abuse? - Opinion - Journal Standard - Freeport, IL: "I’ve been on the Stephenson County Board for close to two years now and almost every time certain board members or members of the audience begin shouting or using abusive language. Any attempt by the chair or other members of the board to censure such behavior is met by opposition from some board members as a violation of First Amendment rights of freedom of speech"



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Verbal abuse is a behavior, not a disease

Recognizing abusive behavior - Star Exponent: Columnists: "Verbal abuse is a behavior not a disease.  Emotional abuse is used to control, humiliate, degrade and punish a spouse.  When a woman (or a man) suffers this abuse she starts to change her own behavior to keep her partner happy and at times becomes fearful of her partner.  The happier the partner, the less the spouse has to suffer.  She will doubt herself and her own sense of reality because emotional abuse is meant to cause the victim to question her every thought and behavior."



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Pin by Patricia Moore, LCSW on Verbal Abuse | Pinterest

Here's a Pintrest poster on verbal abuse that was posted by Patricia Moore over on Pintrest. I was drawn to what she put up--it relates to kids--and kids are people too. One of my greatest regrets in raising my daughter is that I was verbally abusive to her when growing up..ugg. Wish I could take so many things back!

Go take a peek at her pin--

Pin by Patricia Moore, LCSW on Verbal Abuse | Pinterest:



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Sticks, stones and slurs

Interesting look at an American saying in the Indian times--how does our language add to us accepting verbal abuse?



Sticks, stones and slurs - The Times of India: "What's public humiliation and a few expletives in comparison? Sticks and stones being more damaging and all."



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