How to Set Awkward Boundaries: “No” is a Complete Sentence!

It's not often that one author recommends another's work--after all we think what we have to offer is superior! But I'm a realist, I know that my ideas are not the first -best-mostest int he world! I believe in my work and want to help others who found them selves trapped in victimhood--like I found myself at one time. So when someone else is saying the same thing I am--I do not consider us in competition, but complementary. So I am recommending a book by Dr. Judith Orloff because the basis of much of her work is similar to mine and Dr. Marshall's--YOU have to learn to teach others how to treat you--do not wait for a rescuer.

The book is Positive Energy: 10 Extraordinary Prescriptions for Transforming Fatigue, Stress, and Fear into Vibrance, Strength, and Love

Read an excerpt of one of her articles here:

How to Set Awkward Boundaries: “No” is a Complete Sentence!: "It may sometimes be awkward to set healthy boundaries with negative or draining people, but it is an important skill to learn. If someone has unrealistic expectations of you or unable to respect your feelings remember “No” is a complete sentence. A key to setting boundaries is to come from a centered, unemotional, place—not to be reactive."

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The 'Benefits' of Verbal Abuse | Christi Paul

What a great article! Christi is actually honest and open about her abusive decisions and realizes how she contributed--well, allowed the abuse in her life. She explains exactly how her behavior benefited her. Let's face it, we don't continue to allow abuse unless we get "something" form it. My biggest benefit was that I felt spirituality better than my husband--he was the bad guy and I could prove it. He did this and this and this--and they were all abusive and everyone agreed. then I got to sit back and let everyone know how much better than him I was...yeah, it often works that way.

Well, Cristi like myself discovered some of the secrets of abuse and she spreads the message. read her great article here.

The 'Benefits' of Verbal Abuse | Christi Paul: "How did verbal abuse benefit me? It helped me realize the importance of words (and to choose mine carefully). It helped me become more independent and learn to take care of myself. It helped redefine what security means to me (that just because you're married that doesn't guarantee you'll be happy). And it helped me learn boundaries -- something I clearly hadn't set in my life. To recognize what I was and wasn't willing to allow into my life. It brought me closer to God and helped me recognize what I can and can't control. And it helped expand my capacity to forgive, not just other people, but myself.  "

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Another certificate earned

Congratulations to Patricia T for earning her certificate in Verbal Abuse Defense. Many folks, both guys and gals begin the tutorial but drop out after the second lesson. Why? Because they come up against the truth, that if we allow abuse, we reinforce abuse, and we teach them how to abuse us. Only we can demand the respect we deserve--and even if you have been brain washed to think you deserve this treatment, we can show you a way out.

So take the tutorial today like Patricia has--you deserve to learn who can stop this verbal and emotional abuse--you!
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"That's abuse" - REACHING WOMEN IN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS

This is awesome--a way to reach women who don't really realize they are being abused yet --get the code and share this with your family and friends--I don't usually like what NYC does (too socialist) but this is awesome:




"That's abuse" - A POWERFUL NEW ADVERTISING APPROACH TO REACHING WOMEN IN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS - Press Release - Digital Journal: " reach women caught in the confusing and insidious cycle of abuse that occurs before physical violence begins. "

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What does Verbal Abuse look like?

Here is a good article by Kristina Welker that asks what verbal abuse looks like--when covert or overt. So often people don't know they are being verbally abused and it takes something really pointed to figure it out. I remember my moment of clarity. My mother had come to visit and we we getting ready for the evening. My husband was watching TV in the other room. Mom suggested I take a bath (a pleasure I love) and I drew in my breath sharply as said, "I can't take a bath now because Steve is here." She asked me what that was all about and I explained that he didn't let me take a bath when he was home because it took time away from him. The look on my Mom's face said it all. She was horrified that professional, smart woman such as myself was in a position where her partner wouldn't "let" her bathe when she wanted to....needless to say it jarred me and I began to examine what I was accepting from this guy.

Kritina says that abuse is covert or overt--that they are unable to accept a partner as equal and find ways to put us down. Her article is worth reading and then ask yourself in what ways you accept abuse covertly and then overtly...

The verbally abusive relationship - Ahwatukee Foothills News: Community Focus: "Often I work with clients who are unaware that they are being verbally abusive. Many times it is overt … laughing while the spouse is talking. But, sometimes it is covert … giving the silent treatment."

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Unveiling the Fear of Sexual Assault on College Campuses

This was an interesting study on college women and their fear of being raped--it appears that women who saw themselves as "helpless" and who allowed others to verbally abuse them had much more fear of being raped than did women who saw themselves as strong and in control of their own space and selves. At Respect-me rules, and in our FREE workshop, that is exactly what we are teaching--STOP using the word "victim" and change that to "target." You are a target when being abused and you can stop it.

Read about the study here.

Unveiling the Fear of Sexual Assault on College Campuses: "Pryor instead found that how women perceived themselves had the largest impact on their fear. In particular, the women who perceived themselves as being helpless and weak were more fearful of being raped. Those who felt they were invulnerable and could defend themselves easily if attacked had the lowest levels of rape fear.
Pryor said, “To interpret this through a classical social psychological lens, the clustered perceptions women acquire about rape appear to have a self-fulfilling fear effect.” Although gender, prior trauma, and the stigma of rape did not directly increase fear, they acted as secondary influences by magnifying already existing fears in some women. Pryor also found that the younger women in the study were more fearful of being raped than the older women. This suggests that perhaps a shift in risky behavior and risky social networks to more controlled behavior and stable relationships diminishes a woman’s fear as she matures."

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Congratulations to two new graduates in Verbal Abuse Defense Training

We have two new women who have completed the course,  Annette K and Monica L. we love it when participants actually finish the course. It is designed to help change our awareness of what verbal abuse really is. Have you looked it up online lately? Try it and see if you can pick out the sites that victimize people or the sites that will help targets learn not to allow abuse in their lives.

verbal abuse - Startpage Web Search:

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