It's not often that one author recommends another's work--after all we think what we have to offer is superior! But I'm a realist, I know that my ideas are not the first -best-mostest int he world! I believe in my work and want to help others who found them selves trapped in victimhood--like I found myself at one time. So when someone else is saying the same thing I am--I do not consider us in competition, but complementary. So I am recommending a book by Dr. Judith Orloff because the basis of much of her work is similar to mine and Dr. Marshall's--YOU have to learn to teach others how to treat you--do not wait for a rescuer.
The book is
Positive Energy: 10 Extraordinary Prescriptions for Transforming Fatigue, Stress, and Fear into Vibrance, Strength, and Love
Read an excerpt of one of her articles here:
How to Set Awkward Boundaries: “No” is a Complete Sentence!: "It may sometimes be awkward to set healthy boundaries with negative or draining people, but it is an important skill to learn. If someone has unrealistic expectations of you or unable to respect your feelings remember “No” is a complete sentence. A key to setting boundaries is to come from a centered, unemotional, place—not to be reactive."
'via Blog this'
This is most definitely the way to deal with this type of situation, but it can be so difficult to attain especially when you are in yet another situation where you feel you need to defend yourself against accustations or insults you know to be unfounded or untrue. The trick is to emotionally detach yourself from the situation, which in itself can be difficult and I have found that it inevitably leads to emotioanl detachment in other areas of your life also.
ReplyDeleteStrangely enough, it is sometimes so hard to say no. I always feel I'm letting someone down if I don't try to solve their problems. i am not in a relationship now, but I have a roommate who has a car that is losing its breaks. He asked me if he could borrow my car! For his work. Well I don't want to be without a car. So I said "no." wow that felt good. And then it felt bad. And then I spent the whole day trying to find a car that he could drive to work--I said no and then I still tried to fix his problem! He is the one who made the bad decisions so that he has a crappy car. he spends money on dinners and old records and doesn't save for things he needs---so just saying no is a first step. The next step is to realize that we don't have to solve their problems created by their bad decisions....this is an important topic.
ReplyDeleteNoah's wife--its true that detachment can spill over into areas that you want to be detached in--especially when you are afraid--of them and of what you will do. But with practice in focusing on what we allow--how we allow others to treat us... it becomes empowering.and eventually leads to more feelings and greater feelings and sweeter feelings--not detachment.
ReplyDeleteI saw your work! I love it. so beautiful. I so admire people who can design like that. what a great profession--specialty--calling? what do you call it? In any case, you are truly gifted.