Saturday, November 9, 2013

New certificate earner shares thoughts on closure

Sue F is the latest "Target" to earn her certificate in Verbal Abuse Defense. I asked Sue if I could share some of what she wrote because it is so well thought out and well written. Here are her thoughts on closure:
Finding Closure: I think because of my personal circumstances the best way I could deal with this experience will be to simply pick myself up and get on with doing all the things I enjoy. My family, grandaughters, my quilting and crafts. Revenge, and seeking closure from the abuser (which you are unlikely to receive) although it may be better than chocolate can also mire you in the past and the important thing for yourself is to let go of that learn from the experience and move forward. 
Conceptual closure would be my preference but as I have struggled to receive any acknowledgement for the behaviors during the relationship I am realistic enough to understand that most Narcissistic Sociopaths do not understand the concept of others and am unlikely to receive anything other than blame afterwards. But I am now at a point where I can walk away knowing I have done everything humanly possibly to make this relationship work, there is no more I can do so can walk away with a clear conscience and start having a life again...
Sue is putting one foot in front of the other and making the effort to see that she doesn't stay in destructive patterns. Part of that is not being financially dependent on another. She shares this:

I have recently started a new job and it has been somewhat hectic to say the least.
You have my permission to share anything I write as that is one of the reasons I write it I suppose and thank you so much for the compliments about my writing and for my certificate which is framed and hung on my workroom wall (my spare bedroom actually but it is where I make my quilts and sew) and in full view.
I have just started a new job after almost 3 years of being out of work after an accident and having to rely on being financially dependent as well as dealing with all the other issues has been a debilitating experience and a very very steep learning curve.
So now I am working again I am concentrating on becoming indispensable at work in the hope I can gain a full time position at which point I will no longer need to be financially obligated and can move forward with what needs to be done...
We wish sue the very best in moving forward and know she will make the best decisions in doing what needs to be done...thank you Sue for sharing with us. We hope you find time to continue sharing when you can because you are an inspiration to many. And hopefully you may someday take me up on helping out as an administrator on this site.

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