Mosaic Threat Assessment Systems

I learned something big today and wanted to share it with you. One of the participants to our free tutorial online talked of "symbolic" violence which really intrigued me. I asked her if i could use her definition of this (as I cna think of a lot!) and "A" sent me this answer:

Shelly,
Thanks for asking.  I probably learned the term 'symbolic violence' through Gavin deBecker's (free) violence threat assessment here:https://www.mosaicmethod.com.   A good definition appears here: http://www.oprah.com/oprahshow/Abusive-Relationship-Red-Flags.   Gavin deBecker is the source who should be credited in your blog.

So I found this free assessment tool  to see a person's level of threat. I had to check it out--and I think this may be something we will have to incorporate into our tutorial but I wanted a bit of feedback first--Please check this out and send me an email (or answer here). do you think this is valuable for those being verbally and emotionally abused? (check out Opra's def too)

Mosaic Threat Assessment Systems: "What is MOSAIC?
MOSAIC is an error avoidance method,
a computer-assisted method for conducting comprehensive assessments - in the same way that diagnosis is a method used by a doctor. An effective medical diagnosis results when a doctor knows which questions to ask, knows which tests will produce the most accurate answers, and then knows how to draw relevant conclusions from all the answers combined together."

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Boyfriend’s profanity could be crossing into verbal abuse | Living | The Seattle Times

when people sear, it isn't Verbal abuse per se unless they are are swearing at you, calling you a f***king bi**h or saying you are fu**ing lazy--etc. How you respond makes all the difference in the world as to whether your potty mouthed boyfriend or girlfriend will continue.

How do  you respond--by cringing? Whining and saying, "You hurt my feelings?" Ignoring it? Acting hurt and surprised?  laughing and making a joke out it? Any of those responses might encourage more of the same. What if you simply said, "I don't allow anyone to talk to me that way." and then stopped communicating until they talked to you with respect. What might happen if you did this? Then left the area? Would you be teaching them that they got the reaction the wanted? Or would you be teaching them that if you are not treated with respect, you are not reacting with them. You react with adults who treat you well, not potty mouths who make life uncomfortable.

Read what this advice columnist answered to this perosn and let us know if you agree with her.

Boyfriend’s profanity could be crossing into verbal abuse | Living | The Seattle Times: "Hi Carolyn:

My boyfriend is sweet, kind, and everyone I know adores him. However, it bothers me that he often uses profanity when we are arguing (sometimes directed at me). He always apologizes afterward for doing so, and has admitted he needs to change, but it always slips out during arguments.

I have told him it is rude and something I will not stand for, but it continues to be a problem. Is this something that can change or is it just wishful thinking?"

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Verbally abusive | a question answered by Manay Gina

Here's an online Q and A from a young woman named Manay--she has some pretty good advice. Read the questions and answer and consider why her answer is not to make the target a victim. We need more advice like this to retrain targets on how to protect themselves wand know that they can't really change their partners.

Verbally abusive | Tempo - News in a Flash: "Dear Manay Gina,

My husband is verbally abusive and aggressive when he’s drunk but he is very considerate and kind to everyone when he’s not. A number of times, I thought of leaving him with our two children but the thought of having a broken family scares me. Besides I think it’s too late for me to start anew because I am not really that young. What should I do?"

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What to do if you’re in an abusive relationship

 Read about this advice for a New Zealand woman who wants to leave her husband because of abuse. This advice is solid--it basically says, "respect yourself." That's rough, we know. YOu can't just tell a person to start respecting themselves--they don't know how. that's is what our free tutorial is about. Read his advice here:

 Vail Daily column: What to do if you’re in an abusive relationship | VailDaily.com: If you give your husband the benefit of the doubt and wish to stay with him, then set some iron-clad ground rules for him. Respected or not in his community, he is in grave danger of not being respected by his wife unless he lives by a different code of behavior.

And let me be clear about what a different code of behavior consists of. Adopt the attitude that it is totally unacceptable for him to lose himself physically again, or to threaten you, which has a similar effect. If someone you love becomes violent or threatening as a way of controlling you, or of forcing you into submission, that would be an extremely good reason to leave the relationship. And be wary of forgiving too easily or readily. Forgiving someone before he has apologized, acknowledged wrongdoing, accepted responsibility and has a clear and understandable plan for what to do the next time he gets triggered is tantamount to agreeing to a repeat the next time he loses his temper.

Another Winner gets her Certificate

Congratulations to Lisa D--she just earned her certificate in Verbal Abuse Defense! There are 6 more people working their way through the course presently. Please send your friends if you think they need to familiarize themselves with what verbal abuse is.

Some of the answers we get for the course are so good that we are going to begin sharing the answers with you if the person gives us permission. Here is a recent one in answer to the question, "Why do you keep believing your partner will get better?"  This is well thought out:

I believed that my partner would change if only I would love,care and understand himbetter, because I thought that I was partially responsible for his behavior.Those believes were reinforced by people that are ignorant or unaware of dynamics and tactics of abuse. By learning and understanding the issue of abuse I no longer believe that my partner will get better if I excuse or rationalize his bad behavior towards me. ~Eliana

Thank you Eliana--and congrats to Lisa
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Tyler, the Creator Faces Police After Verbal Assault - News - Fuse

I consider  Talitha Stone to be a hero for those of us learning to stand up for ourselves-She is not calling herself a victim, she turned him in--even though a public figure, this rapper is being abusive to a woman in public and she took the appropriate steps. www.respectmerules.com   Good for you Talitha! read about it bleow.

Tyler, the Creator Faces Police After Verbal Assault - News - Fuse: "According to the Guardian,  24-year-old blogger Talitha Stone recently reported the rapper to the police citing verbal abuse.
The rapper targeted Stone after the blogger (who had publicly called out the rapper for misogyny via her activist group Collective Shout) exchanged words with him before last week's show. After the show started he yelled out:
"F-ckin b-tch, I hope she hear me call her a b-tch too. F-ckin whore. This f-ckin song is dedicated to you, you f-ckin c-nt." The dedicated song was “Bitch Suck D-ck.”"

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Can you "fire" a husband for verbal abuse?

This news  bit (below) just came out about firing coaches for being verbally abusive--would that we could "fire" husbands and boyfriends and wives for being abusive...hey, wait--WE CAN! But acutally, if we employ the Respect-me rules, we don't need to fire them because following the rules stops abuse in its tracks--(pun intended for the coach story) Read about the verbally abusive coaches below:


Rutgers’ new athletic director under scrutiny for allegations of verbal abuse — MSNBC: "Rutgers University is involved in another athletic controversy two months after the men’s basketball coach was fired over charges of verbally abusing players."

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