Its treathening consider verbal abuse? | CafeMom Answers

Its treathening consider verbal abuse? | CafeMom Answers:

This is an interesting question. Its also interesting to read the various answers. the Truth is that the very nature of "threat" is abusive. It is coercion and one person is trying to control the the other person with a threat. So the answer is YES. threatening someone is abusive.

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Verbal Abuse: Is Your Relationship Verbally Abusive?

Boy is this the truth, "A master at verbal abuse can damage your self-esteem while, at the same time, appear to care deeply for you." Because they care so deeply (and usually they do!) we end up justifying or excusing the abuse. and once again we mistakenly beleive that if, just if, we get it right, they will love and respect us...

this is one of the ways we reinforce the abuse!

Verbal Abuse: Is Your Relationship Verbally Abusive?: "Verbal abuse is difficult to identify and regrettably can be a common type of abuse in some marriages. Not all words that are meant to hurt are "ugly words." A master at verbal abuse can damage your self-esteem while, at the same time, appear to care deeply for you. The use of words to punish is a very covert attempt to control and regardless of how loving your spouse may appear to be, verbal abuse is wrong and can be just has harmful as physical abuse."

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Yes women need to be better protected in domestic violence, Mr. Clegg, but so do men

Here's an interesting view on domestic abuse--saying allthe "right" things--trying to show how if we change "tem" our life will improve. it's really hard to get away from that in our society of blame blame blame. Read her article and see if you can identify what will really help a target of abuse and what is blaming. Remember from "Respect-Me Rules" that if you up and leave your abuser before changing YOUR behavior, you will simply attract or train a new partner as an abuser too.

The author, Sonya, does mention that we have to include men in our considerations too. Some women are terriby abusive--yet remmber, in order them to abuse, we have to let it happen--again and again and agian.

Here's an exceprt but I encourage you to read the whole article and pick out the recommendations that will help you stop abuse and what is likely to keep the pattern in place.

But, and it has to be said, why in our so-called enlightened times are we continuing to act as if men are not also on the receiving end of vitriol and attack? Why is Domestic Violence still portrayed as men as the abuser and women as the abused?
What is clear to me, juding by the abundance of help available to women from nationwide shelters and confidential hotlines and the lack of similar assistance for men, is that failing to recognise it as a real issue leaves us in a quagmire of inequality incapable

top ten list of the holiday traditions I happily leave in my past.

 Hey, I ran across Kelly Holly's top ten list and I tend to agree--read for a laugh--or maybe some tears!

I was sitting around on Thanksgiving Day thinking about all of the holiday traditions I left behind when I left my husband. Amazingly, there aren’t any that I miss. I really did try to get myself choked up about my lack of traditional family time, but the tears wouldn’t come. Instead, I ended up with a top ten list of the holiday traditions I happily leave in my past.

1.) His insistence on his family’s traditional foods. That wouldn’t be so bad except my family’s traditional dishes were unapproved.

for the rest of Kelly's top ten, click here:

Pervocracy: Escalation

http://pervocracy.blogspot.com/2011/11/escalation.html

verbal abuse and The Closer

I watched the first episode of the Closer this weekend and saw a GREAT line for a woman stopping abuse dead in its tracks before it takes ahold. If only all of us us could learn these principles (Miracle principles). what happened was that Brenda was put in charge of the homicide team in LA and the guys hated that an outsider was promosted over them--they got really contrary with her. At one point one of the guys said, "Why do you have to be such a bitch?" Brenda stopped and confronted him and replied, "If I wanted to be called a bitch to my face, I would still be married." and she walked away.

No fan fair--no outrage--but a great comeback that stops abuse! If any of you see great lines on TV or at the movies, please send them in--in fact, I think we should start a collection of great one-liners that fit our principles of NO MORE VICTIM and demanding the respect we deserve.

TNT - The Closer: Home:

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Respect begins at home!

             A guest article from Natalie Hunter, who blogs for onlineschools.org

Have you ever been made to feel as if you were in denial about the reality of the things that happen in your relationship? The harder that you try to persuade your partner of your feelings, the more that you find yourself believing his version of events. Whether it comes from your spouse, significant other or your boss, this is a sign of an emotionally abusive relationship.

You don't need to attend an online school to learn emotionally abusive relationships are characterized by an imbalance of power. This is your abuser's secret weapon when it comes to keeping you firmly where they want you. The weapon comes with many different types of ammunition, such as:

• Gaslighting- In this situation the abuser will feed you false information that will cause you to doubt your own memory and perception of events. Generally the three tactics they will be to deny, minimize or blame the abuse on you. They can be so convincing that before long you believe what they tell you about your own reality.

• Intimidation- An abuser may display weapons, make you afraid, hurt your pets or break your belongings.

• Emotional Abuse- Name calling, insulting, humiliation, and instilling feelings of guilt are common campaign to make you feel inferior to them.

• An abuser may also coerce, threaten, use male privilege or your children as tools to keep you in line.

Many people think of domestic violence in terms of the classic image of a blue-collar guy in a wife-beater shirt, smacking a lady around. Yet, this isn’t always the case. Just because someone has never hit you doesn't mean they aren't abusing you in other ways. Abusers are masters of stealing your personal power by demeaning you, not taking you seriously, and refusing to own up to their actions.

Abusive relationships take a toll on women at home and in the work place. Abuse leads to a downward spiral of poor self-esteem, and conditions you to be accepting of this type of behavior. However this conduct may not be limited to the home, bullies at work often use many of the same techniques. Some may be more aggressive than others, engaging in a variety of actions.

They may be overt, such as making disrespectful comments about you, or covert in their means of belittling you. However the Workplace Bullying Institute reports as many as 46 percent of Americans have experienced some form of abuse. A few of the symptoms include:

• Belittling, criticizing and humiliation.

• Threatening by stares, gestures or appearing hostile.

• Failure to acknowledge good work, creating unrealistic job expectations or excessive micro-management of work.

In our society, women are often pre-conditioned to accept this behavior. Taught from an early age to put the needs of others before themselves, females often end up trying to uphold a double standard. It may be true that, to some degree, women are hardwired to be more empathetic. Yet that doesn’t mean you have to end up a victim, being the proverbial doormat for someone to wipe their feet on. Tolerance of abusive relationships can lead to desensitization, which leaves you vulnerable to further abuse.

Enduring an abusive relationship at home creates a level of tolerance that spills over into the work environment. When you accept that your opinion is less valuable than that of others, it creates a dynamic that sets you up for a repetitive pattern of believing what you are told about yourself. This can be extremely damaging to your self-esteem, and may hinder professional advancement. Insist on a healthy relationship, where there is mutual respect.

Characteristics of a healthy relationship include:

• Listening without passing judgment on how someone should feel.

• Understanding about emotions and attach importance to opinions.

• Respecting that everyone has a right to their own thoughts, activities and feelings.

• Ensuring that behavior allows for safe and comfortable communication.

• Accepting responsibility for actions and accountability for actions.

By insisting on, and modeling respectful behavior, it is possible for you to overcome the negative self-image that many women develop. Achieving harmony and success both at home and in the workplace, is an attainable goal. Knowledge and understanding of why abusive situation occur can go a long way towards developing successful strategies for overcoming this destructive cycle.