Easier said than done. Yes, the answers make sense but they are so hard to
utilize. By the time I realized I was being abused I had lost my
support system (he has turned all friends and family against me) so I
have no one to talk to about his behavior, he is relentless and if I
hang up on him or ignore him he gets more and more mad. We have 2
children together so I cannot completely ignore him or he takes it
out on the kids.
so I cannot completely ignore him or he takes it out on the kids."
agree and can see it but say "Yes but in our case it is different because..." and we can't break free. This program of Respect Me Rules is designed to help you think outside the box.
Once you do break free, you will look back and wonder why you thought you had to appease his whims and put up with the abuse. That day will come for you. Right now you still have all the inner dialog that tells you it is impossible to handle because of this and that and that-the kids, his anger, your dependency on him.
You also put a question mark on " how badly will I allow myself to be treated?" Yes that is the ocrrect answer and yes you have allowed this to happen--BECAUSE you are a good person. Of course the book goes more into depth about why we get there. You won't change him. Ever. You can only change yourself and as a result of that he may or may not get better. As far as the kids. OK so you tell yourself that you take the abuse so he won't go after the kids.
They are being abused whether it is you he does this to or them. Because abusing you is abusing them. Right now you are a victim because you see yourself that way. Become the target and learn how to stop allowing him to target you. Unless of course you think it
Karen--your road is a rough one, but you can take care of yourself. I look forward to seeing the rest of your tutorial.