Monday, August 17, 2015

Certificate in Verbal Abuse Defense--Our Summer Graduates Share

We have a lot of graduates this summer inlcuding a few guys. Of course verbal and emtional abuse is not just men on women but women onmen and memn on men and women on women--it is a relationship thing, isn't it? A "thing" that can be stopped as many of our new graduates are learning. Here are a couple of messages from past graduates:

Thank you so much!  I have learned so much throughout this and your course was a great eye opener as well. God bless you, Susanne
 Thank you! I got the book Respect Me Rules, and it has been so very helpful. I plan to read it regularly to remind myself what to look for and how to respond. Thanks again. Gina

It was different this summer because for some reason lots of our participants seemed to get this one wrong: Which question is the most important if you really want to change?

"Why?" Was the most common answer. The correct answer is "How." It doesn't really matter why you want to change--mostly it is becasue your life isn't working out well allowing your mate to abuse you. If you know HOW to change, and implement it, then you make progress. Remember, nothing changes if nothing changes.

Here are our graduates who earned their Certificate in Verbal Abuse Defense along with some of their more memerable answers inteh tutorial to share with you.

Congrats to Cheri S. who answered when asked staying or moving on: I feel you have a choice either to stay and live with or leave and move on. Yes in my opinion takes two to have any form of conversation whether it be abusive or not. AS long as you stay you are giving consent to the abuser to verbally abuse you one way or another. When you stay in the relationship you will a respond to what ever is being said to you.

Jenny S t alked about retribution as a way to find closure: I would get more satisfaction out of Retributive of course; but for my kids sake, and to not have any regrets in the long run, my style would be more Conceptual. I just want him to understand what he is doing and the harm he is causing.

Our guys seemed to have as much if not more insight into their part in abuse than the ladies! Fin gave a very insightful response to the Kathy story:  He said that she let it go so far because of

"Fear, Guilt, Lack of Self Worth, Inability to see the whole picture, lack of support. Unwillingness to acknowledge the seriousness of the abuse.

Euphoric recall.” Her mind’s ability to split reality into two separate entities, positive and negative.

No ability to see reality as a whole, her good judgement and decision making could not occur. Kathy quickly lost her support system. Hope that it would get better.

Kathy was not aware of community resources and she did not plan for the abuse to occur again.

She saw each episode as an isolated incident that she believed (and naively hoped) that it would never occur again. She gradually gave up more and more of her control over her own life. She even turned her business over to her husband.

Fin nailed it!

Our other male participant gave a new look at the sentence complettion portion, The goal of the target is to move the focus from "How badly they treat me" to*: Am I going to allow them to take my power? Great answer, Don!

He also had a good answer regarding "detachment": It's to allow yourself freedom from the abuser and walking away realizing you deserve much better. You owe yourself a life and only you can ensure that you have one.

Don T is so right. We do oue ourselves a life!

Ashley C was anotehr graduate who said this about closure, "Conceptual, because i don't like leaving without explanation and having feelings "resolved".  I like it to be conceptual on both sides, no-hard feelings, try to stay as friends.

And Heather H is our final graduate this August. When answering why we are actually hurting another by giving them everything they want, she wrote "because we are letting them be abusers and not helping them practice coping skills and healthy self control."

We support you all in the new life that you start today by learning to demand respect, the respect you deserve.


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