Monday, February 23, 2015

Boyhood - Movie as much about abuse as growing up

I watched the acclaimed movie, Boyhood last night and thought it a movie worth watching for partners in abusive relationships. I know it was supposed to be about this boy growing up using snapshots of his life. It was interesting. nothing spectacular, It showed how resilient kids are and even though Mom went from one abusive relationship to another, the boy grew up just fine.

But the part of the movie that caught my attention and the reason I think it is worth watching, is the Mom--who kept looking for a stable good marriage and kept marrying abusive men. To her credit, she got out as soon as it got bad in each relationship (some women can't even do that),but then went right back into another abusive marriage.

What we at Respect-Me Rules believe is that you should stay (if possible) in your current relationship and teach your partner to honor your boundaries--ie, respect the way you want to be treated. The way you are treated (for the most part) is your responsibility. The mother (Patricia Arquette) in Boyhood placates her succession of abusers until it gets too oppressive and then fees. She never learns that it is she, who has trained these guys that it is OK to abuse her. She never gets it and thus ends up alone and confused as to how her life never turned out in the fashion she wanted. Her last plea in the film is heartfelt and pitiful.

In fact her first husband who abused her, ended up with another woman who apparently did not allow him to treat her that way--he turned out to be the husband Patricia would have wanted in the first place--he was not a different man later in life, just married to a different woman, who it seems, demanded he treat her right.

I want all our partners to see this movie and write a paragraph explaining how this mom was the basis of her own trouble--not that she picked the wrong guys, but that she allowed them, and even rewarded the abuse. The paragraph is for your benefit--sometimes it is easier to see ourselves when we analyse another who is doing teh same thing.

Boyhood - Official Movie Site - Now Playing:

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