Improving Posture and Poise to Improve Confidence
"Studies have shown that when you take up a confident posture you begin to feel more confident. As you look and feel more confident you act more confident and people will in turn treat you with more respect. As people around you start to react differently to your new found confidence it fuels your self-image and you become even more confident. It creates a powerful cycle that if maintained can steadily improve confidence over time."http://ezinearticles.com/?Improving-Posture-and-Poise-to-Improve-Confidence&id=5474104
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Posture
By Donald Dalton
In every moment we are awake, we can choose the way we want to feel. It starts with our thoughts and emotions. Our body then adjusts to match these thoughts and emotions. If you want to have a more positive outlook on your life, look at your posture when you sit, walk and the way you move. Walking with your chest out and your head in line with your shoulders will bring you more confidence and little changes to the way you sit, stand and carry yourself in general can have a huge impact in how others treat you.
Take a moment right now and think about a sad person sitting in a chair. How do they look? Is their head up or down? Are they sitting up straight or are they more slumped over? Now let us imagine this is someone you love like a family member. How do you approach them? Do you come in all smiling and happy or do you approach them more passively? Now let us change the example slightly and say that they are angry. How do they hold themselves? Do you feel like approaching them or not? What if they are happy? How are they sitting in the chair and how does your approach to them change? The posture that others have effects the way we treat them. It also effects the way others treat us.http://www.dondalton.com/posture.html
So what does this mean for the person who is verbally and emotionally abused by partner?
It means that if you hunch over, avert your eyes, shuffle your feet and mouseily slide past your partner you are acting like a victim, weak, afraid and subservient. You are acting like a target and you increase your chances of your partner taking things out on you.
How should you act? Try holding your head high when you talk even when he is angry. Look just to the side of brow but keep your gaze steady when you talk. You don't look an abuser right in the eyes because subconsciously males take that as a challenge. You are not challenging them, you are simply not being subservient. When you break eye contact, look to the side--never down. If you look down to break eye contact you are submitting. With a person who is used to brow beating you, it is best to hold your ground at every opportunity.
When you sit in the living room and you are feeling especially vulnerable, try propping your feet up on the coffee table. This is a dominant position and will release hormones that help you feel more powerful and confident.
Putting your hands on your hips is another power position. Try these three things--head high, looking them int he face but not the eyes when talking, propping your feet up on the coffee table and putting your hands on your hips--do this routinely for a few days and see the difference in how you feel. Then look for other power positions. posture, and poses.
Little things sometimes make a big difference. Comment and let us know how it affected you. In fact, try putting your feet up now!
I appreciate this... I think its important to recognize all of these things.
ReplyDeleteI would also like to point out that sometimes (when its safe) its important to fully experience the way you feel.
I have spent most of my life trying to make my body language say I was okay when I wasn't okay. And it didn't work... It was better for me to let myself feel what I was feeling and let my body show it.
Any coping skill, if its the only one we use, isn't good.
(I don't mean to be argumentative. I just know my own experience and I wanted to share.)
I don't think you're being argumentative at all. I see you are presenting another side of the tale. Unfortunately when we deal with abusers--they take advantaage of anythign that gives them power over their mate. So while you need to feel your feelings, you need to do that in a safe place. Giving off weak, vulnerable signals to an abuse mate makes things worse. So use you vulnerable feel-the-feelings posture when you're with your Mum--and use the power postures for when you are with an abusive person--oh and if its your Mum--then reverse the suggestion!
ReplyDeleteAlso, don't forget the third leg of the stool--cognitions (our self-talk and how we're interpreting the situation). They are just as important as feelings and behavior (posture). How we interpret the situation will have a big impact on how we feel, such as "Although I don't like it when my partner calls me names, I know I feel better when I stand up for myself and demand respect." The reason this thought helps make up feel better is that we are acknowledging we are in control of our life and reinforcing ourself for being assertive and strong.
ReplyDeleteShelly - Agreed! Safety first!
ReplyDeleteQuestion, do you think vulnerable signals make an abuse mate worse? Sometimes do power signals make things worse? That was definitely the case in my life. He never hurt me as long as I was doing what he wanted and how he wanted it. As long as I had no power, he was "nice".
Maybe that was because I was giving power signals, but I wasn't willing to get out of the relationship, so the power signals were more of a facade. And we both knew it. (Now I'm just thinking 'out-loud' to try to sort through my life.)
Hi Jen, Well, vulnerable signals keep the abuser controlling. As soon as you step out of line, like have an opinion or ask a question, they immediately get you back in line with one of the abusive techniques. And when you first start using the Respect me rules and enforce boundaries--they often get worse before they get better. Sometimes they never get better.
ReplyDeleteYou said that you both knew you would not leave--so it wasn't real. But when you make the decision inside and it shows and you both know you mean to stand up for yourself--that's when you will see if he wants the relationship enough to work with you.
Goodl uck on sorting out your life--its not easy but it is worth it!
Also, don't forget the third leg of the stool--cognitions (our self-talk and how we're interpreting the situation). They are just as important as feelings and behavior (posture). How we interpret the situation will have a big impact on how we feel, such as "Although I don't like it when my partner calls me names, I know I feel better when I stand up for myself and demand respect." The reason this thought helps make us feel better is that we are acknowledging we are in control of our life and reinforcing ourself for being assertive and strong.
ReplyDeletei think there is alot of rationale in the article,in fact as i read it i did some bit of practice and i feel great!
ReplyDeleteSTEVE. stevennyamu@hotmail.com