I love the differences between abuse and conflict--so many therapists think that both partners need to give a little and they treat abuse like a conflict--they don't realize it is a violation and needs to be stopped. Later the real conflicts can surface...
binh’s space » Blog Archive » Silence�The Ultimate Control and Power Over Another: "In describing verbal abuse it is a boundary violation, it is an intrusion upon another, or disregard of another in a relentless pursuit of Power Over, superiority and dominance by covert or overt means. In a conflict each person wants something different. However, in a conflict the parties discuss their wants, needs and seek a mutually win/win solution. While seeking the solution neither party forces, dominates or controls the other."
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Monday, December 10, 2007
you are stupid, fat, lazy
Yeah--been there and done that!
rozina: "5 years on, Julie and Scott are still together and Julies confidence is shot to pieces. Scott still tells her he loves her, from time to time, but spends a lot more time telling her how stupid, lazy, ugly and fat she is. And, of course, how lucky she is to have someone like him, because nobody else would want her. The sad thing is, she believes him totally. Shes been so brainwashed by him for so long. We live in a society where people habitually say rude, abrasive, sometimes clever, things to each other, which are often quite funny. But rude, abrasive words have the power to chip away at a person until they break them into small pieces."
rozina: "5 years on, Julie and Scott are still together and Julies confidence is shot to pieces. Scott still tells her he loves her, from time to time, but spends a lot more time telling her how stupid, lazy, ugly and fat she is. And, of course, how lucky she is to have someone like him, because nobody else would want her. The sad thing is, she believes him totally. Shes been so brainwashed by him for so long. We live in a society where people habitually say rude, abrasive, sometimes clever, things to each other, which are often quite funny. But rude, abrasive words have the power to chip away at a person until they break them into small pieces."
Domestic Violence and Abuse: Signs and Symptoms of Abusive Relationships
What I like most about this info is that is says that violence (verbal emotional) IS A CHOICE!
Domestic Violence and Abuse: Signs and Symptoms of Abusive Relationships: "Domestic abuse, also known as spousal abuse, occurs when one person in an intimate relationship or marriage tries to dominate and control the other person. An abuser doesn’t “play fair.” He uses fear, guilt, shame, and intimidation to wear you down and gain complete power over you. He may threaten you, hurt you, or hurt those around you. Domestic abuse that includes physical violence is called domestic violence. Victims of domestic abuse or domestic violence may be men or women, although women are more commonly victimized. This abuse happens among heterosexual couples and in same-sex partnerships. Except for the gender difference, domestic abuse doesn’t discriminate. It happens within all age ranges, ethnic backgrounds, and financial levels. The abuse may occur during a relationship, while the couple is breaking up, or after the relationship has ended. Despite what many people believe, domestic violence is not due to the abuser’s loss of control over his behavior. In fact, violence is a deliberate choice made by the abuser in order to take control over his wife or partner."
Domestic Violence and Abuse: Signs and Symptoms of Abusive Relationships: "Domestic abuse, also known as spousal abuse, occurs when one person in an intimate relationship or marriage tries to dominate and control the other person. An abuser doesn’t “play fair.” He uses fear, guilt, shame, and intimidation to wear you down and gain complete power over you. He may threaten you, hurt you, or hurt those around you. Domestic abuse that includes physical violence is called domestic violence. Victims of domestic abuse or domestic violence may be men or women, although women are more commonly victimized. This abuse happens among heterosexual couples and in same-sex partnerships. Except for the gender difference, domestic abuse doesn’t discriminate. It happens within all age ranges, ethnic backgrounds, and financial levels. The abuse may occur during a relationship, while the couple is breaking up, or after the relationship has ended. Despite what many people believe, domestic violence is not due to the abuser’s loss of control over his behavior. In fact, violence is a deliberate choice made by the abuser in order to take control over his wife or partner."
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