More Graduates of the Verbal Abuse Defense Workshop

We always like to share something that each participant has learned. It is by sharing with each other that we give and get support. We have two graduates this weeks, NG and Ruth.

Here are some pics form what they learned:

N GF wrote about Closure, "My issue has been with men in a male dominated,
authoritarian, work environment. I will never have conceptual closure with
them, because they never accepted responsibility. Therefore, I would like to
do something to get the entire system changed to where it will no longer
tolerate or protect their type behavior. That would include getting annual
training implemented on workforce abuse. I would also like to write a book."

Ruth gave us the three affirmations she is using now:
 I do not allow others to call me names.
 I refuse to be manipulated.
I am responsible when I accept abusive behavior.

Good job!

Glenda, You Are NOT a Booger

Dear Glenda (name changed),

So glad you are participating in this free online tutorial to earn a certificate in verbal abuse defense.  I can tell by your answers that you are really thinking about this situation. You wrote, "It makes sense on a logical level, but in practice I'm not convinced. Even if I don't engage, he will continue to yell at me and criticize me. It's easy enough to say that I don't care what he says, but words do hurt the heart."

Yes, words do hurt and we are not saying that you don't care. You are in this workshop, of course you care. We are not asking you to not care; we are asking you to stop allowing the behavior--put a stop to allowing someone to abuse you. As you continue in the workshop and follow with the workbook, you will gain skills in disengaging. Eventually you see that even if he "hurts" your feelings because he isn't loving you the way you picture love, that it isn't you, but him that has the problem. If a little kid runs up to a teacher sobbing about how the bully called him a name and cries, "He called me a booger!" The teacher's best response is, "Well, are you a booger?" and the kid hesitantly replies, "No," and the teach says, "well there you are." The child learns that if he does not accept the name calling, it loses its power. Granted your man  knows how to get a rise out of you (the words that hurt you most)--but learn to substitute the word "booger" for what he calls you--Glenda, are you a booger? No--do not give him that power to destroy you.

I can guarantee that in practice when you take your power back, it all changes. Some partners grow up and learn to value their counterparts--some leave. But in any case, you learn that you are not a booger.

Egypt deploys female anti-harassment police unit

I don't often think of Egypt when it ocmes to women's rights, but this is great! EAch tiny step aroudn the world where rights are protected is a good thing. thank you Egypt!

Egypt deploys female anti-harassment police unit « ASHARQ AL-AWSAT: "In a sight uncommon to the people of the country, members of the female police unit were deployed across the streets of Cairo and other Egyptian cities during the Eid festival. The initiative has attracted much public attention and has been widely welcomed by Egyptians weary of sexual harassment, a phenomenon that has grown rampant in the country in recent years. Asharq Al-Awsat tried to speak to one of the female police officers, but she politely declined since she cannot speak to the media without formal permission from her superiors."

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Is Verbal Abuse As Bad As Physical Abuse? (VIDEO)

Is Verbal Abuse As Bad As Physical Abuse? (VIDEO): "Is verbal abuse as bad as physical abuse? According to Brian Martin, founder of Children of Domestic Violence  and author of Invincible , the psychological effects are the same."



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Contemplating Divorce From His Emotional And Verbal Abuse

I always hate to see someone reach this awful place--where they just can't take it onemore minute--we really bleieve that most marriages can be saved--but it takes work on the part of the target and an understanding that can't abuse you if you don't allow it. Anyway, read her story--it breaks my heart--and if you haven't yet, go enroll in the Verbal Abuse Defense course-(free).

Contemplating Divorce From His Emotional And Verbal Abuse: "ter many hurts from infidelities and emotional and verbal abuse, I’m exhausted and contemplating divorce. I hate myself for allowing myself to come to this. I hate myself for allowing him to get to me. I hate myself for allowing my child to hear us fight like that. I've woken up defeated. I'm definitely divorcing him now, but just have to wait to start getting paid and save money"

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Lets Congratulate more Graduates from the Tutorial

The recent "Verbal Abuse Defense Certificate" Graduates:   We thank them all for their participation and are sharing some of the insights they learned andhoefully will carry into the future for their own self-respect.

Sharon C. (on closure)
I would understand and know that the perpetrator of abusive behavior would've and will abuse whether i was the target or not.when i learn to keep my power more proficiently, I will avoid getting sucked in to false promises in future.

Em K.  (rewarding behavior)
When we give them what they want, they believe they earned it successfully with their behavior. It is
not kind to allow them to continue this behavior.

Jennifer P.  (how he treats me)
He is a raging bull and his target is me. He acts as if he hates me and lives only to punish me. He
never apologizes for anything and we just move on like it never happened. I may bring it up, but he just denies or blames me for it. I'm fully aware of what he's trying to do.

Catherine M.   (closure)
A mutual acknowledgement that it took two people to end the "relationship". Civility. Just a parting that allows both people to go on with their lives. Respect and regard and well wishes for their future.
Gratitude for lessons learned.

Broken Heart (on rewarding behavior)
 Their behavior will only intensify if we allow our perpetrator to continue to be mean

Penny D.  (How to stop abuse)
Do not respond. Do not react. Do not reward them. Do not accept blame. Do not explain or
apologize. Focus on self-care. Do not allow contact if necessary

Jada L. (on detachment)
 Disassociating one's self from the abuser's behavior; not to dance with them. Also, to keep focused on self staying positive. Remembering that this is what you can do and this is what you cannot do.

Domestic Verbal And Physical Violence Linked To Poor Dental Health; Does Abuse Lead To Cavities?

This is a new twist, but makes sense. A dirty mouth leads to a dirty mouth!

Domestic Verbal And Physical Violence Linked To Poor Dental Health; Does Abuse Lead To Cavities?: "Negative behaviors such as hitting, kicking, insulting, and threatening, ruin the family dynamic’s regular routines, such as tooth brushing and emotional stress eating. "There's a pretty good history in the [medical] literature of lousy family environments being associated with bad health, so I guess our findings aren't surprising in that regard," the study’s co-author Michael Lorber, di"



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