A Mini Lesson in Right and Wrong in Abusive Relationships

A mini lesson in right and wrong in abusive relationships.

Abusive Relationships: "The abuser The abusing person may have particular characteristics, such as: Believing they are always right (and others are wrong)."

Yes, abusers often believe they are right and you are wrong--but then you believe you are right and they are wrong!

Got news for you--it's relative. Take the right and wrong out of the relationship equation--replace it with what works. What works for you is right for you, what works for them is right for them. But if what works for them is NOT right for you, only you can change that equation. You have the right to be wrong.

An abusive partner will insist that you are wrong (it doesn't matter about what--you are just wrong) and that you must "admit" that and conform to their version of the issue. You can go along to get along, but with a real abuser, the next week they are likely to reverse their position and claim you don't remember what they said. They insist you do one thing this week and then the opposite the next and you are always wrong in their eyes. That is how it works. You can not logic with them or please them because they will make you wrong no matter what.

So how do you change them? You don't. How do you make them see what they have done? You don't. How can you prove that they told you the opposite last week? You can't. This is abuse.

Is there a way to protect yourself? Yes, many ways--but it doesn't involve changing them. It is centered in setting boundaries and enforcing them. For this lesson, forget right and wrong--YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE WRONG. Let them know this--get the message across that they can be right all they want and make you wrong in their eyes--but that the right and wrong message won't work on you any longer because even if you are wrong (they won't be convinced otherwise) you have that right.


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Kesha's Response To The Dr. Luke Contract Verdict Takes Time To Thank her Fans

This is one of those deals where you don't know the truth--a he said, she said kind of thing. However I tend to believe Kesha. Of course it could be an act... but as Hilary says, we should believe the woman. I do feel bad for her and yet she has a lot of support. Each of us that has been abused has more support than we know. Look for it!

Kesha's Response To The Dr. Luke Contract Verdict Takes Time To Thank her Fans — PHOTO | Bustle: "Additionally, at the time the allegations came to light in October 2014 — Kesha filed a lawsuit against Gottwald accusing him of sexual and verbal abuse — Gottwald to countersued Kesha in response, claiming it was a tactic on the singer's part to get out of her contract. As the complaint in his suit read, "As part of the effort to get out of the Gottwald Recording Agreement, Kesha and Pebe have also orchestrated a campaign of publishing false and shocking accusations against Gottwald to extort Plaintiffs into letting Kesha out of the Gottwald Recording Agreement.""



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5 Signs You're Experiencing Verbal Abuse, Because It's Just As Harmful As The Physical Kind | Bustle

5 Signs You're Experiencing Verbal Abuse, Because It's Just As Harmful As The Physical Kind | Bustle: "— and even scarier is the fact that it starts young: 62 percent of young women ages 11 to 14 report experiencing verbal abuse in a romantic relationship. "

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New Campaign After Words Aims To Erase Verbal Abuse Among Singaporean Couples For Good

Here is and experiment in verbal abuse in Singapore--unfortunately it just shows a couple arguing--arguing and a little aggression is not verbal or emotional abuse as we know it. I think the young people who put this together don't understand what real abuse is---that demands those who live in terror and crisis and put downs all the time.

This may clarify why others don't really understand those of use trying to prevent real abuse--they don't get it because they don't understand what it really is. This experiment to expose abuse is actually showing us why many don't get it...interesting videoAfter Words, take a look

New Campaign After Words Aims To Erase Verbal Abuse Among Singaporean Couples For Good: "the hilarious Laneway prank."



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Quote from St Maarten about letting people hurt us

Wonder where we heard this before? Wehn people drain you-abuse you, misuse you, it you who let them in. It's sad that we have to build walls from the ones we love, but once we start letting them hurt us (even unknowingly teach them to hurt us) we must learn not to let their mean selves in to hurt us further.

Quotes About Blaming Others (30 quotes): "“There are only two kinds of people who can drain your energy: those you love, and those you fear. In both instances it is you who let them in. They did not force their way into your aura, or pry their way into your reality experience.”
― Anthon St. Maarten"



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Three New Graduates in the New Year

Three more graduates! Each are beginning a new awareness for the New Year. In this class we had two women and a guy and we give them all the thumbs up.

Here are a few words from each excerpted fromt their lessons.

First was Janet. She picked three pretty good afirmations to help in her new thought patterns:
    I don't have to answer questions asked of me
    I can respond calmly
    I'm not responsible for fixing other peoples problems.

When she received her certificate she wrote,

Thanks I have been working with this stuff for a while, always looking for a little bit more.  Ever improving. Have taken on board 'bitterness' big time. Major taskŠ. Gather the courage to create the life I wantŠ.. Is my biggest obstacle still, so GREAT BIG THANK YOU!

Our next Graduate was Ronald. He is saddened by his partner's lack of committment and answered this as an example of his idea closure:

We part ways in good terms. No hard feelings. Forgive and forget, to move on. We can only make ourselves happy. Closure with in, for me means you've tried every possible way to make things right. You are left ultimately to make the decision for yourself. You yourself closes and opens yourself to everything.
This is my first experience ever, in a relationship, Im saddened that the reality is that {my partner}, has been abusive all these years, he has been ignoring me for a month now...I feel like I'm the only one at fault.

Our final graduate is Mary. her answer to  "How should you respond to verbal abuse?." was brief but insightful:

Yes, it makes sense that it takes two participants. If you do not accept the behavior, then how will the behavior continue.

Congradualtions in starting the New Year with new ideas of self-respect! 

Teenagers increasingly assaulting, abusing their parents

I've often thought that the trend toward indulging kids with everything and fulfilling their every whim would simply not make them into nice people. I don't know if it is what causes them to be hellions, but I do know that when there are no consequences for bad behavior, you get more bad behavior. I hope this has not happened in your family. Read the article below and ask yourself if this is a problem in your home?

Teenagers increasingly assaulting, abusing their parents: "Teenagers are increasingly emotionally and physically abusing their parents, lashing out when they don't get their way or are denied something.

Family psychologists and researchers have identified an increase in the number of cases of parents being abused by their kids, which they attribute to the sense of entitlement with which children grow up today."



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