How do you "Not Allow" Abuse?

We often get responses in the Tutorial that basically say, "It's not that easy, we have kids, he pays the bills..." in other words, learning to respect myself and enforcing boundaries can't be done with me because it is too complicated. 

Here is what Karen wrote and how we are trying to break her out of the
box.

Easier said than done. Yes, the answers make sense but they are so hard to
utilize. By the time I realized I was being abused I had lost my
support system (he has turned all friends and family against me) so I
have no one to talk to about his behavior, he is relentless and if I
hang up on him or ignore him he gets more and more mad. We have 2
children together so I cannot completely ignore him or he takes it
out on the kids.

Hi Karen,

Welcome to the tutorial--I see you are taking this seriously. You wrote: By the time I realized I was being abused I had lost my support system (he has turned all friends and family against me) so I have no one to talk to about his behavior, he is relentless and if I hang up on him or ignore him he gets more and more mad. We have 2 children together
so I cannot completely ignore him or he takes it out on the kids."

Please finish the tutorial--this is only a beginning and it took you a long to get to this place and it takes awhile to work our mind out of it. One of our problems is that we trap ourselves in these little boxes--its called the "Yes buts" Whatever is suggested we
agree and can see it but say "Yes but in our case it is different because..." and we can't break free. This program of Respect Me Rules is designed to help you think outside the box. 

Once you do break free, you will look back and wonder why you thought you had to appease his whims and put up with the abuse. That day will come for you. Right now you still have all the inner dialog that tells you it is impossible to handle because of this and that and that-the kids, his anger, your dependency on him.

You also put a question mark on " how badly will I allow myself to be treated?" Yes that is the ocrrect answer and yes you have allowed this to happen--BECAUSE you are a good person. Of course the book goes more into depth about why we get there. You won't  change him. Ever. You can only change yourself and as a result of that he may or may not get better. As far as the kids. OK so you tell yourself that you take the abuse so he won't go after the kids. 

They are being abused whether it is you he does this to or them. Because abusing you is abusing them. Right now you are a victim because you see yourself that way. Become the target and learn how to stop allowing him to target you. Unless of course you think it

is better to spend the rest of your life as a target and making excuses on why you can't break free.

Karen--your road is a rough one, but you can take care of yourself. I look forward to seeing the rest of your tutorial. 

Safety Tips that Woman should know

This came off facebook and sort of resembles those spam emails. It was reported that this was written "by a cop." I don't know about that and this has circulated around the Internet. But I don't care who wrote it, it is good advice! Read and pass along.

Everyone should take 5 minutes to read this. It may save your life or a loved one's life. In daylight hours, refresh yourself of these things to do in an emergency situation... This is for you, and for you to share with your wife, your children, & everyone you know. After reading these 9 crucial tips, forward them to someone you care about. It never hurts to be careful in this crazy world we live in.



 1. Tip from Tae Kwon Do :The elbow is the strongest point on your body. If you are close enough to use it, do!



 2. Learned this from a tourist guide. If a robber asks for your wallet and/or purse,
DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM. Toss it away from you... Chances are that he is more interested in your wallet and/or purse than you, and he will go for the wallet/purse.
RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION!



 3. If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car, kick out the back tail lights and stick your arm out the hole and start waving like crazy.. The driver won't see you, but everybody else will. This has saved lives.



 4. Women have a tendency to get into their cars after shopping, eating, working, etc., and just sit (doing their checkbook, or making a list, etc.
DON'T DO THIS!) The predator will be watching you, and this is the perfect opportunity for him to get in on the passenger side, put a gun to your head,
and tell you where to go. AS SOON AS YOU GET INTO YOUR CAR ,
LOCK THE DOORS AND LEAVE..

If someone is in the car with a gun to your head DO NOT DRIVE OFF, Repeat:
DO NOT DRIVE OFF! Instead gun the engine and speed into anything, wrecking the car. Your Air Bag will save you. If the person is in the back seat they will get the worst of it. As soon as the car crashes bail out and run. It is better than having them find your body in a remote location.



 5. A few notes about getting into your car in a parking lot, or parking garage:

A.) Be aware:look around you, look into your car, at the passenger side floor ,
and in the back seat.

B.) If you are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the passenger door.
Most serial killers attack their victims by pulling them into their vans while the women
are attempting to get into their cars.

C.) Look at the car parked on the driver's side of your vehicle, and the passenger side.. If a male is sitting alone in the seat nearest your car, you may want to walk back into the mall, or work, and get a guard/policeman to walk you back out. IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. (And better paranoid than dead.)



 6. ALWAYS take the elevator instead of the stairs. Stairwells are horrible places to be alone and the perfect crime spot. This is especially true at NIGHT!)



 7. If the predator has a gun and you are not under his control, ALWAYS RUN!
The predator will only hit you (a running target) 4 in 100 times; and even then,
it most likely WILL NOT be a vital organ. RUN, Preferably in a zig -zag pattern!



 8. As women, we are always trying to be sympathetic: STOP It may get you raped, or killed. Ted Bundy, the serial killer, was a good-looking, well educated man, who ALWAYS played on the sympathies of unsuspecting women. He walked with a cane, or a limp, and often asked 'for help' into his vehicle or with his vehicle, which is when he abducted his next victim.



 9. Another Safety Point: Someone just told me that her friend heard a crying baby on her porch the night before last, and she called the police because it was late
and she thought it was weird.. The police told her 'Whatever you do, DO NOT
open the door..' The lady then said that it sounded like the baby
had crawled near a window, and she was worried that it would crawl to the street and get run over. The policeman said, 'We already have a unit on the way,
whatever you do, DO NOT open the door.' He told her that they think a serial killer
has a baby's cry recorded and uses it to coax women out of their homes thinking that someone dropped off a baby.. He said they have not verified it, but have had several calls by women saying that they hear baby's cries outside their doors when they're home alone at night.



 10. Water scam! If you wake up in the middle of the night to hear all your taps outside running or what you think is a burst pipe, DO NOT GO OUT TO INVESTIGATE! These people turn on all your outside taps full blast so that you will go out to investigate and then attack.



 Stay alert, keep safe, and look out for your neighbors! Please pass this on
This e-mail should probably be taken seriously because the Crying Baby Theory was mentioned on America 's Most Wanted when they profiled
the serial killer in Louisiana

Dear Abby: Wife suffers increasing pain from man's verbal abuse

Here'a an articleabut verbal abuse for Dear Abbly--normally I like her advice but this is the wrost-

1. She's called a "victim."

2. Yes, she cannot "fix" him but there is somone she can fix.

3. She is told to contact the Domestic Violence group in her area--what you do with violence is substantially different than verbal and emotional abuse..

We still have a lot of work to change the minds of those who are targets and the experts who help them. WE are TARGETS not victims. We FIX ourselves, not them. WE don't have to leave or hide--we can demand reapect within the relationship.

Dear Abby: Wife suffers increasing pain from man's verbal abuse: "I love Ken, and life can be normal at times, but once he thinks I'm getting out from under his thumb, his destructive behavior begins. He treats me like his worst enemy. The pain is becoming unbearable. One minute he tells me he loves me, and the next he is punishing me for not coming home from the store on time."

'via Blog this'

Continued domestic abuse facilitated by post-separation contact

It has long been considered the right thing to do to allow fthers access tot ehir children not matter what happened between Mom and Dad. It is not always the case that it is best for the children--abused women have tried to tellthe courts this, but now some research has come along to back up what Mom has been saying--well, and Dad too becasue sometiems it is the other way around. Read about it here.

Continued domestic abuse facilitated by post-separation contact: "Contact between children and fathers in the aftermath of parental separation facilitates the continued abuse of women and children, according to new research focusing on the experiences of families with a prior history of domestic abuse conducted by social work experts at Trinity College Dublin"

'via Blog this'

Sedated patient records surgery; awarded $500,000 for verbal abuse

We know that learning the Respect Me Rules is important in more situations than marriage. Here  is a guy who recorded the abuse of his female Anesthesiologist during surgery--its worth reading. Guess what? He defended himself! learn how he prepared to not allow nayone to abuse him!

She regrets her words now.

Sedated patient records surgery; awarded $500,000 for verbal abuse | News To Me Blog: "Anesthesiologist, Tiffany M. Ingham, 42, knew she didn’t like her patient as soon as she met him.

As soon as he is unconscious, she said, “After five minutes of talking to you in pre-op I wanted to punch you in the face and man you up a little bit.”"



'via Blog this'

Daddy Jekyll, Daddy Hyde: Transforming patterns of verbal abuse for the sake of our children

If you are a follower of mine or even if you simply want to know more about abuse--read this woman's story. My heart went out to her. I don't like to see marriages break up, but sometimes we have no choice--whenI read this:

“Tell me a story, Mommy.”
“Sure sweetheart,” Carol replied.
“Tell me a story about why Daddy gets mad.” 

It spoke to my heart.

Daddy Jekyll, Daddy Hyde: Transforming patterns of verbal abuse for the sake of our children | PhillyVoice: "“Most of our friends really never believed me when I explained that Ken has an ugly temper,” Carol states, shaking her head. “But he does, he does.”

Carol remembers the turning point."



'via Blog this'

ABC stands by 'verbal abuse of sheep' report despite claims it is misleading

Peta is taking excepiton to the sotry we reported aobut the verbally abused sheep--but ABC stands by it.

ABC stands by 'verbal abuse of sheep' report despite claims it is misleading | Media | The Guardian: "The ABC is standing by the veracity of a rural news report which claimed animal rights activists had complained about sheep being verbally abused by shearers, despite claims it is highly misleading."



“The allegation was that bad language was used by an employee on the property in front of the sheep, and that they could have been offended by the use of bad language.”









'via Blog this'