Student-athletes should be protected from verbal abuse

We train other people how to treat us--that is the main message of Respect-Me-Rules. And the other side of the coin is that we learn how to abuse and be abused from others. Students in sports routinely are verbally abused as this opinion piece points out: "Athletes share a common denominator in the sense they receive so much verbal abuse. Professional and student-athletes share the responsibility of dealing with the constant heckling of fans and personal attacks on their character, but when enough is enough, isn't it enough?"



I don't have a strong opinion on this--I am not one of those who think kids on horses and bikes and walking down the street need helmets--So I don't think our athletes have to stop listening to coaches--or worse--stop playing altogether--we need a certain amount of "toughening up" or we'll be 'victims" all of our lives and expect others to rescue us. But its worth explaining and keeping in mind that sports is rough--and we might want to see what we are actually teaching our athletes with the verbal abuse things. Is there another way to do this? read below:

Foul play: Student-athletes should be protected from verbal abuse - ocolly.com : Opinion: "When you wake up every morning, do you ever look at yourself in the mirror and critique yourself? Do you point out your many weaknesses as a person emotionally, physically or mentally?
If you are one of the many people who answered no, then maybe you should think twice before you saddle up to get on your high horse."

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Verbal abuse damaging to children - Angry all the time

here's a Dewar Abbey one (is she still alive???)



Someone writes in that her "good" husband is angry all the time. Well being angry all the time is abusive--what a horrible way to live. My ex was angry all the time--and he took his anger out on me. He used to say after he tore something up or destroyed some or punched a hole in the wall, "I hate it when this happens because then you focus on what I did and not on what you did to cause it."



I hated it that he thought I caused his anger! People are responsible for their own feelings and if they try to make you responsible, then they get abusive, or whiny, and certainly co-dependent. How does anger look in your relationships--is it healthy, "Ooh, I'm pissed I dropped that dang rock on my foot," or is it "Son of a B--why did you distract me and make me drop this on my foot."



The second response means you have an abusive spouse. read the story here:

Verbal abuse damaging to children - Times Union: "DEAR ABBY: My husband is a hard worker, a good provider and a good dad. However, he's angry all the time. It has been this way for as long as I can remember. He is aware of it, and always promises me that when this or that settles down, things will get better, but they never do."

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Another graduate from the Verbal Defense Abuse tutorial

YEA! for Patrizia C. from the United Kingdom, she just graduated and earned her certificate. In lesson three she wrote a great answer that we particularly like.

By giving to abusers everything they want and by allowing them to mean to as, actually we act in a  wrong why because we make them think that their behavior is right and they don't see the need to change and improve it.

You did a good job Patrizia. If the rest of you haven't taken the tutorial, think about it now. It makes a difference in how you look at abuse.

Respect Me Rules Workshop Introduction: "Introduction

Our FREE Web-based Tutorial will help you understand abusive issues in depth. On this page we present a brief introduction to the tutorial and some guidelines. The tutorial is divided into four sections designed to help build your understanding of the skills used by those who go from victim to victor. The tutorial is free but you must complete all four forms at the end of each section in order to earn your Verbal Abuse Defense Certificate."

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Verbal Abuse Is the Key to Weight Loss

So here is a guy in the UK that believes he can help people lose weight by being verbally abusive. Hmmm.



I don't know whether to thank him for honestly (which I believe works for breaking old patterns) or whether I want to throttle him for heaping on the coals.



At Respect Me Rules we defiantly tell the truth--you allow yourself to be verbally and emotionally abused and until you can accept this, you will continue to allow (and thus encourage) your own abuse. On the other hand, how many times did I hear how "flabby" I was? I could not wear short shorts because I was too old and wrinkly--and saggy--my abuser could not call me fat because I was thin--so he found another way to hurt--I was 'saggy" and "out of shape." So this guy ripping an fat people--well... I just don't know. Read about it here:

HyperVocal | Verbal Abuse Is the Key to Weight Loss, According to UK Hypnotherapist: "“But I won’t give them an inch – they have given themselves too many already. I won’t sweet-talk, because they’ve had enough sweets already. And I won’t have any of that ‘Oh, I’m big-boned’ rubbish. If they come out with excuses, I look them in the eye and say, ‘Stay fat then. Don’t waste my time’.”"

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73% of Saudi wives verbally abused, says study |

I sometimes am so grateful that I don't have to face a whole culture that treatment women as property! You think we have it bad, think what it is like in some other countries when it comes to accepting verbal and emotional abuse--this article made me cringe.

73% of Saudi wives verbally abused, says study | Arab News — Saudi Arabia News, Middle East News, Opinion, Economy and more.: "Al-Subai clarified in the study that raising the voice, silencing a spouse in public or verbally humiliating, cursing her or her parents and family, using sexually explicit profanities, degrading her physical appearance, or avoiding using her name when addressing her all constitute forms of verbal abuse."

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The Top 10 Signs of Abuse and another grduate

Below is an article on how to recognize verbal abuse. It is not always easy when you are smack in the middle of it--so its good to review the signs now and again--today is the day you review this.

For Rachel L--who just graduated from the tutorial in Verbal Abuse Defense--she is learning how to repsond (or not as the case may be) Congratulations Rachel..

How to Recognize Verbal Abuse - The Top 10 Signs of Abuse: "Verbal abuse, or mental abuse, is passed on like a life-threatening disease throughout the family.  We choose mates, places of employment and friends based upon family patterns of familiarity.  No one ever intends to become verbally abusive, but it happens more often than we care to admit."

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Starting off the new year with new graduate

What a great way to begin 2014! Kirby in CA just earned her certificate in Verbal abuse Defense.

For those of you on Section three (we have quite a few)--go ahead and finish the last section. Sometimes it seems as if it doesn't make sense to complete--but the lessons are designed to help change the way you think about "abuse." So finish up and we'll send your certificate too!

Amy said that her partner constantly used "Name calling, degradation, lying, public humiliation..." We do not have to live this way. So take back your power--let us show you how in our work books--this is the year of change.

My cousin gave me a dragon fly necklace for Christmas. Dragon flys symbolize transformation and change--yes, 2014 is the year of chance--let it change you!