"That's abuse" - REACHING WOMEN IN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS

This is awesome--a way to reach women who don't really realize they are being abused yet --get the code and share this with your family and friends--I don't usually like what NYC does (too socialist) but this is awesome:




"That's abuse" - A POWERFUL NEW ADVERTISING APPROACH TO REACHING WOMEN IN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS - Press Release - Digital Journal: " reach women caught in the confusing and insidious cycle of abuse that occurs before physical violence begins. "

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What does Verbal Abuse look like?

Here is a good article by Kristina Welker that asks what verbal abuse looks like--when covert or overt. So often people don't know they are being verbally abused and it takes something really pointed to figure it out. I remember my moment of clarity. My mother had come to visit and we we getting ready for the evening. My husband was watching TV in the other room. Mom suggested I take a bath (a pleasure I love) and I drew in my breath sharply as said, "I can't take a bath now because Steve is here." She asked me what that was all about and I explained that he didn't let me take a bath when he was home because it took time away from him. The look on my Mom's face said it all. She was horrified that professional, smart woman such as myself was in a position where her partner wouldn't "let" her bathe when she wanted to....needless to say it jarred me and I began to examine what I was accepting from this guy.

Kritina says that abuse is covert or overt--that they are unable to accept a partner as equal and find ways to put us down. Her article is worth reading and then ask yourself in what ways you accept abuse covertly and then overtly...

The verbally abusive relationship - Ahwatukee Foothills News: Community Focus: "Often I work with clients who are unaware that they are being verbally abusive. Many times it is overt … laughing while the spouse is talking. But, sometimes it is covert … giving the silent treatment."

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Unveiling the Fear of Sexual Assault on College Campuses

This was an interesting study on college women and their fear of being raped--it appears that women who saw themselves as "helpless" and who allowed others to verbally abuse them had much more fear of being raped than did women who saw themselves as strong and in control of their own space and selves. At Respect-me rules, and in our FREE workshop, that is exactly what we are teaching--STOP using the word "victim" and change that to "target." You are a target when being abused and you can stop it.

Read about the study here.

Unveiling the Fear of Sexual Assault on College Campuses: "Pryor instead found that how women perceived themselves had the largest impact on their fear. In particular, the women who perceived themselves as being helpless and weak were more fearful of being raped. Those who felt they were invulnerable and could defend themselves easily if attacked had the lowest levels of rape fear.
Pryor said, “To interpret this through a classical social psychological lens, the clustered perceptions women acquire about rape appear to have a self-fulfilling fear effect.” Although gender, prior trauma, and the stigma of rape did not directly increase fear, they acted as secondary influences by magnifying already existing fears in some women. Pryor also found that the younger women in the study were more fearful of being raped than the older women. This suggests that perhaps a shift in risky behavior and risky social networks to more controlled behavior and stable relationships diminishes a woman’s fear as she matures."

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Congratulations to two new graduates in Verbal Abuse Defense Training

We have two new women who have completed the course,  Annette K and Monica L. we love it when participants actually finish the course. It is designed to help change our awareness of what verbal abuse really is. Have you looked it up online lately? Try it and see if you can pick out the sites that victimize people or the sites that will help targets learn not to allow abuse in their lives.

verbal abuse - Startpage Web Search:

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Mosaic Threat Assessment Systems

I learned something big today and wanted to share it with you. One of the participants to our free tutorial online talked of "symbolic" violence which really intrigued me. I asked her if i could use her definition of this (as I cna think of a lot!) and "A" sent me this answer:

Shelly,
Thanks for asking.  I probably learned the term 'symbolic violence' through Gavin deBecker's (free) violence threat assessment here:https://www.mosaicmethod.com.   A good definition appears here: http://www.oprah.com/oprahshow/Abusive-Relationship-Red-Flags.   Gavin deBecker is the source who should be credited in your blog.

So I found this free assessment tool  to see a person's level of threat. I had to check it out--and I think this may be something we will have to incorporate into our tutorial but I wanted a bit of feedback first--Please check this out and send me an email (or answer here). do you think this is valuable for those being verbally and emotionally abused? (check out Opra's def too)

Mosaic Threat Assessment Systems: "What is MOSAIC?
MOSAIC is an error avoidance method,
a computer-assisted method for conducting comprehensive assessments - in the same way that diagnosis is a method used by a doctor. An effective medical diagnosis results when a doctor knows which questions to ask, knows which tests will produce the most accurate answers, and then knows how to draw relevant conclusions from all the answers combined together."

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Boyfriend’s profanity could be crossing into verbal abuse | Living | The Seattle Times

when people sear, it isn't Verbal abuse per se unless they are are swearing at you, calling you a f***king bi**h or saying you are fu**ing lazy--etc. How you respond makes all the difference in the world as to whether your potty mouthed boyfriend or girlfriend will continue.

How do  you respond--by cringing? Whining and saying, "You hurt my feelings?" Ignoring it? Acting hurt and surprised?  laughing and making a joke out it? Any of those responses might encourage more of the same. What if you simply said, "I don't allow anyone to talk to me that way." and then stopped communicating until they talked to you with respect. What might happen if you did this? Then left the area? Would you be teaching them that they got the reaction the wanted? Or would you be teaching them that if you are not treated with respect, you are not reacting with them. You react with adults who treat you well, not potty mouths who make life uncomfortable.

Read what this advice columnist answered to this perosn and let us know if you agree with her.

Boyfriend’s profanity could be crossing into verbal abuse | Living | The Seattle Times: "Hi Carolyn:

My boyfriend is sweet, kind, and everyone I know adores him. However, it bothers me that he often uses profanity when we are arguing (sometimes directed at me). He always apologizes afterward for doing so, and has admitted he needs to change, but it always slips out during arguments.

I have told him it is rude and something I will not stand for, but it continues to be a problem. Is this something that can change or is it just wishful thinking?"

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Verbally abusive | a question answered by Manay Gina

Here's an online Q and A from a young woman named Manay--she has some pretty good advice. Read the questions and answer and consider why her answer is not to make the target a victim. We need more advice like this to retrain targets on how to protect themselves wand know that they can't really change their partners.

Verbally abusive | Tempo - News in a Flash: "Dear Manay Gina,

My husband is verbally abusive and aggressive when he’s drunk but he is very considerate and kind to everyone when he’s not. A number of times, I thought of leaving him with our two children but the thought of having a broken family scares me. Besides I think it’s too late for me to start anew because I am not really that young. What should I do?"

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