Jewish Survivors of Sexual Violence Speak Out: Verbal beatings hurt as much as sexual abuse

We already knew this but its nice that Harvard is coming on board!

Jewish Survivors of Sexual Violence Speak Out: Verbal beatings hurt as much as sexual abuse: "Sticks and stones may break my bones,
But names will never hurt me. …

That often repeated children’s rhyme is wrong, according to Harvard University psychiatrists. Scolding, swearing, yelling, blaming, insulting, threatening, ridiculing, demeaning, and criticizing can be as harmful as physical abuse, sexual abuse outside the home, or witnessing physical abuse at home, notes a report in the April issue of the Harvard Mental Health Letter.

The report suggests that, when verbal abuse is constant and severe, it creates a risk of post-traumatic stress disorder, the same type of psychological collapse experienced by combat troops in Iraq. The research on which the report is based points out that children who are the target of frequent verbal mistreatment exhibit higher rates of physical aggression, delinquency, and social problems than other children."

The View of Prevention Advocates on the Alec Baldwin Verbal Abuse Case

Maybe if we stopped allowing partners to abuse us with words and neglect, we would have a better chance that it would not extend to our kids. Verbal and emotional abuse boils down to respect for each of us--why do we think we can treat our loved ones so shabbily? More importantly, why do adults allow their partners to do it to them?


The View of Prevention Advocates on the Alec Baldwin Verbal Abuse Case: "Emotional abuse - which can involve belittling, criticizing, and ignoring - is child abuse, plain and simple. Even divorced parents need to work together to make sure their children are protected from it. Emotional abuse can happen when a parent is under stress and does not know how to properly manage that stress;"

True You Recovery -Learning to ditch secrete keeping

i don't beleive in keeping secrets becasue i think it is the single greatest destoryer of familes and marriages. I bleive in not keeping our own and not keeping theirs! Keeping their secrets is enabling--a friend has written a book that you must read! check it out!

True You Recovery - Enriching life through personal growth and recovery!: "For three decades, author and counselor John Howard Prin lived as a Secret Keeper®, and his secret addictions escalated to near catastrophe. Since breaking the habit, he has directly experienced the rewards of successful recovery — whole-mindedness and renewed integrity. In these pages, he offers compelling true stories and practical exercises to empower readers to break their secret-keeping® habit or help a loved one caught in a web of deception.

The first half of the book explores the human tendency to keep secrets, profiling a variety of secret keepers from all walks of life. The second half provides a clear, step-by-step approach to healing, rebuilding self-esteem, and living a healthy, secret-free life."

A.G. proposes dating violence education

It would be so great to teach our young people to stand up for themselves right from the beginning!

The Pawtucket Times - A.G. proposes dating violence education: "All school districts in the state could soon be providing dating-violence education to middle and high school students.
Attorney General Patrick Lynch unveiled the Lindsay Ann Burke Act Thursday, a bill that would mandate schools to teach students in health education classes about the dangers of dating violence.
The bill is named for Burke, a North Kingstown native and Rhode Island College graduate, who was 23 in September of 2005 when she was murdered by her former boyfriend in his Warwick home. He was found guilty in January and is awaiting sentencing."

Reasons to stay and reasons to leave

Sanctuary for the abused is one of my favorite resources when discussing abusive situations. The owner has LOTS of great info. the latest is a letter to Rachel looking at abuse ina Jewish marriage and how it came about--how peole don't see it before the knot is tied. Read about it:

SANCTUARY FOR THE ABUSED: "Everyone checks up on hashkafah, yichus, education and wealth – but the most crucial detail is often overlooked: a hot temper. Men (or women) hide it well when dating, for obvious reasons.

It manifested itself after our engagement, but I was too embarrassed to break it off. Big mistake.

My father, a”h, a kind, gentle man, never raised his voice to my mother. My husband would yell at me over any triviality, often in public. My parents kept telling me to be nicer, more giving, to avoid instigating his wrath. But there is no perfection good enough for such a person.

If his income was limited, it was I who couldn’t manage.
If the children misbehaved, it was I who didn’t raise them properly.
If the house wasn’t perfectly neat and clean, it was I who wasn’t doing my job well.
His short fuse was always lit, ready to blow at any moment.
"

The Teachings of Toads

Verbal abuse can be one of our greatest lessons--go read april's blog on toads and what we canlearn from them!

AskApril Blog» Blog Archive » The Teachings of Toads: "Guys like this learn early on that they make the decisions and bark the orders while people around them scramble to meet their approval. Unfortunately that bar goes higher and higher, always out of reach, until the wife stops trying to grasp it and just turns away throwing bitterness at the gallantly misinformed bar holder. He’s mad. She’s mad. The roles are so entrenched, damsel and knight, that to restructure them into a working partnership is all but impossible.

Although painful, it’s easy enough logistically for women to remove themselves from the situation. The emotional clutches are a different story. In my friend’s case, there are four minor children involved as well as her own spirit, crushed after entrusting it to someone who misused the power he was given. To this day it frustrates her that he is able to re-crumple her self worth with hateful accusations and appraisals. He, of course, does it because he’s incapable of seeing his part in pushing her away. It’s more comfortable for him to continue manipulating her through blame and tossing failure, like a hot potato, into her hands.

But painful as it’s been for her she’s learning about herself and beginning to understand his motives. And those are all rooted in fear, insecurity and lack of insight. "

Pets & Domestic Abuse-TAKE the DOG!

Don't stay becasue your partner says they will hurt the animals (or neglect them). but don't leave the little guys either. You may be able to get help with your pet if yo decide to leave. Here's what one county is doing.

Live 5 news - Local News - Pets & Domestic Abuse: "A domestic abuse counseling expert tells us abusers use animals as a method of controlling a victim, often threatening the safety of the pet. Often times shelters for battered women do not allow animals and victims are scared to leave their pets behind.

The correlation between animal abuse and domestic violence is well documented by organizations like the Humane Society. In 2004, a study was done at domestic violence shelters across the country. It found that 91% of adult victims and 73% of child victim say their pets were abused as well.

Noting that connection, organization across the country including the John Ancrum SPCA are helping battered women and their pets by offering to keep them safe while a woman is in a shelter.

If you are in an abusive situation and have a pet, when you prepare to leave, the Humane Society says take your pets vaccination records, identification, medication and proof of ownership with you.
"