Sanctuary for the abused is one of my favorite resources when discussing abusive situations. The owner has LOTS of great info. the latest is a letter to Rachel looking at abuse ina Jewish marriage and how it came about--how peole don't see it before the knot is tied. Read about it:
SANCTUARY FOR THE ABUSED: "Everyone checks up on hashkafah, yichus, education and wealth – but the most crucial detail is often overlooked: a hot temper. Men (or women) hide it well when dating, for obvious reasons.
It manifested itself after our engagement, but I was too embarrassed to break it off. Big mistake.
My father, a”h, a kind, gentle man, never raised his voice to my mother. My husband would yell at me over any triviality, often in public. My parents kept telling me to be nicer, more giving, to avoid instigating his wrath. But there is no perfection good enough for such a person.
If his income was limited, it was I who couldn’t manage.
If the children misbehaved, it was I who didn’t raise them properly.
If the house wasn’t perfectly neat and clean, it was I who wasn’t doing my job well.
His short fuse was always lit, ready to blow at any moment.
"
Thursday, March 22, 2007
The Teachings of Toads
Verbal abuse can be one of our greatest lessons--go read april's blog on toads and what we canlearn from them!
AskApril Blog» Blog Archive » The Teachings of Toads: "Guys like this learn early on that they make the decisions and bark the orders while people around them scramble to meet their approval. Unfortunately that bar goes higher and higher, always out of reach, until the wife stops trying to grasp it and just turns away throwing bitterness at the gallantly misinformed bar holder. He’s mad. She’s mad. The roles are so entrenched, damsel and knight, that to restructure them into a working partnership is all but impossible.
Although painful, it’s easy enough logistically for women to remove themselves from the situation. The emotional clutches are a different story. In my friend’s case, there are four minor children involved as well as her own spirit, crushed after entrusting it to someone who misused the power he was given. To this day it frustrates her that he is able to re-crumple her self worth with hateful accusations and appraisals. He, of course, does it because he’s incapable of seeing his part in pushing her away. It’s more comfortable for him to continue manipulating her through blame and tossing failure, like a hot potato, into her hands.
But painful as it’s been for her she’s learning about herself and beginning to understand his motives. And those are all rooted in fear, insecurity and lack of insight. "
AskApril Blog» Blog Archive » The Teachings of Toads: "Guys like this learn early on that they make the decisions and bark the orders while people around them scramble to meet their approval. Unfortunately that bar goes higher and higher, always out of reach, until the wife stops trying to grasp it and just turns away throwing bitterness at the gallantly misinformed bar holder. He’s mad. She’s mad. The roles are so entrenched, damsel and knight, that to restructure them into a working partnership is all but impossible.
Although painful, it’s easy enough logistically for women to remove themselves from the situation. The emotional clutches are a different story. In my friend’s case, there are four minor children involved as well as her own spirit, crushed after entrusting it to someone who misused the power he was given. To this day it frustrates her that he is able to re-crumple her self worth with hateful accusations and appraisals. He, of course, does it because he’s incapable of seeing his part in pushing her away. It’s more comfortable for him to continue manipulating her through blame and tossing failure, like a hot potato, into her hands.
But painful as it’s been for her she’s learning about herself and beginning to understand his motives. And those are all rooted in fear, insecurity and lack of insight. "
Pets & Domestic Abuse-TAKE the DOG!
Don't stay becasue your partner says they will hurt the animals (or neglect them). but don't leave the little guys either. You may be able to get help with your pet if yo decide to leave. Here's what one county is doing.
Live 5 news - Local News - Pets & Domestic Abuse: "A domestic abuse counseling expert tells us abusers use animals as a method of controlling a victim, often threatening the safety of the pet. Often times shelters for battered women do not allow animals and victims are scared to leave their pets behind.
The correlation between animal abuse and domestic violence is well documented by organizations like the Humane Society. In 2004, a study was done at domestic violence shelters across the country. It found that 91% of adult victims and 73% of child victim say their pets were abused as well.
Noting that connection, organization across the country including the John Ancrum SPCA are helping battered women and their pets by offering to keep them safe while a woman is in a shelter.
If you are in an abusive situation and have a pet, when you prepare to leave, the Humane Society says take your pets vaccination records, identification, medication and proof of ownership with you.
"
Live 5 news - Local News - Pets & Domestic Abuse: "A domestic abuse counseling expert tells us abusers use animals as a method of controlling a victim, often threatening the safety of the pet. Often times shelters for battered women do not allow animals and victims are scared to leave their pets behind.
The correlation between animal abuse and domestic violence is well documented by organizations like the Humane Society. In 2004, a study was done at domestic violence shelters across the country. It found that 91% of adult victims and 73% of child victim say their pets were abused as well.
Noting that connection, organization across the country including the John Ancrum SPCA are helping battered women and their pets by offering to keep them safe while a woman is in a shelter.
If you are in an abusive situation and have a pet, when you prepare to leave, the Humane Society says take your pets vaccination records, identification, medication and proof of ownership with you.
"
Sunday, February 4, 2007
Abuse Bowl? True or False?
: "Back in Jan. 28, 1993, three days before the Super Bowl game at the Rose Bowl in Pasadena, Calif., a press conference was held by a coalition of women's groups. Calif. Senator Sheila Kuehl, then the director of the California Women's Law Center, said beatings and hospital admissions rose 40 percent in northern Virginia after the Redskins won the Super Bowl in 1989. She cited a study done by Virginia's Old Dominion University in 1990."
Go read the artical. Most police and shelter personnel say this is not true! Good, I don't want to believe it anyway!
Go read the artical. Most police and shelter personnel say this is not true! Good, I don't want to believe it anyway!
Extra Resources, for abuse
Resources, statistics - Newsday.com: "RESOURCES
Sakhi Helpline: 212-868-6741 sakhi.org
The Domestic Harmony Committee at The Islamic Center of Long Island 24 hour hotline: 516-942-2081 icliny.org/pages/page6.htm
Turning Point, a community- based, nonprofit organization addressing the needs of Muslim women and children through crisis intervention, individual and group counseling, advocacy, outreach, education and training. Helpline: 718-883-9400 turningpoint-ny.org
Suffolk County Coalition Against Domestic Violence Hotline: 631-666-8833 sccadv.org
Nassau County Coalition Against Domestic Violence 516-572-0700 Hotline: 516-542-0404 cadvnc.org
National Domestic Violence Hotline Hotline: 800-799-7233 ndvh.org"
Sakhi Helpline: 212-868-6741 sakhi.org
The Domestic Harmony Committee at The Islamic Center of Long Island 24 hour hotline: 516-942-2081 icliny.org/pages/page6.htm
Turning Point, a community- based, nonprofit organization addressing the needs of Muslim women and children through crisis intervention, individual and group counseling, advocacy, outreach, education and training. Helpline: 718-883-9400 turningpoint-ny.org
Suffolk County Coalition Against Domestic Violence Hotline: 631-666-8833 sccadv.org
Nassau County Coalition Against Domestic Violence 516-572-0700 Hotline: 516-542-0404 cadvnc.org
National Domestic Violence Hotline Hotline: 800-799-7233 ndvh.org"
Friday, February 2, 2007
MotherJones.com | MoJo Blog - Social Issues and Political Commentary: Abused Women Have Higher Health Care Costs and More Health Care Visits
MotherJones.com | MoJo Blog - Social Issues and Political Commentary: Abused Women Have Higher Health Care Costs and More Health Care Visits: "A new study shows that women who experience spouse or partner abuse have much higher health care costs and utilize more health care services than women who have no history of such violence. Years after abuse stops, these women continue to use the health care system more and to incur higher costs.
The abuse discussed in the study includes not only overt physical abuse, but also threats, controlling behavior and verbal abuse. Of the 3,333 women, aged 18 to 64, those who had been abused had 19% higher annual health care costs than other women. This group also had17% more primary health care visits, 14% more specialist visits, and 27% more prescription refills."
The abuse discussed in the study includes not only overt physical abuse, but also threats, controlling behavior and verbal abuse. Of the 3,333 women, aged 18 to 64, those who had been abused had 19% higher annual health care costs than other women. This group also had17% more primary health care visits, 14% more specialist visits, and 27% more prescription refills."
Thursday, February 1, 2007
2007 Weblog Awards - Blog Of The Day Awards - Top Blog Awards: SANCTUARY FOR THE ABUSED - Best Blog - Top Blogs - Best Blog Awards - blogofthedayaward
Congradulations Fighter!!! We love you and love the service you do for all of us. You deserve this award and we are behind you 100%. after you hcekc out fighter's award, take a look at ther comment at the end of the FAQ section. Her input is invaluable, thanks Fighter!
2007 Weblog Awards - Blog Of The Day Awards - Top Blog Awards: SANCTUARY FOR THE ABUSED - Best Blog - Top Blogs - Best Blog Awards - blogofthedayawards.blogspot.com - 2007 blog awards weblog awards: "2007 Weblog Awards - Blog Of The Day Awards - Top Blog Awards: SANCTUARY FOR THE ABUSED
Blog of the Day Awards for Wednesday January 31 2007
A Blog of the Day Award goes to SANCTUARY FOR THE ABUSED Articles, clickable links & resources on verbal, psychological & emotional abuse and personality disorders. "
2007 Weblog Awards - Blog Of The Day Awards - Top Blog Awards: SANCTUARY FOR THE ABUSED - Best Blog - Top Blogs - Best Blog Awards - blogofthedayawards.blogspot.com - 2007 blog awards weblog awards: "2007 Weblog Awards - Blog Of The Day Awards - Top Blog Awards: SANCTUARY FOR THE ABUSED
Blog of the Day Awards for Wednesday January 31 2007
A Blog of the Day Award goes to SANCTUARY FOR THE ABUSED Articles, clickable links & resources on verbal, psychological & emotional abuse and personality disorders. "
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