Respect-me R.U.L.E.S

Teaching little girls the difference between love and abuse

2012-02-17T11:47:00.000-08:00

I found this blog today, and I really REALLY appreciate the sentiment behind it.

You didn't thank me for punching you in the face

I will warn readers - the author feels strongly and uses strong words. It's worth the read, and she suggests editing out the "foul language" before distributing it to children.

"I am sure every girl can recall, at least once as a child, coming home and telling their parents, uncle, aunt or grandparent about a boy who had pulled her hair, hit her, teased her, pushed her or committed some other playground crime. I will bet money that most of those, if not all, will tell you that they were told “Oh, that just means he likes you”.
When was it decided that we should start teaching our daughters to accept being belittled, disrespected and abused as endearing treatment? And we have the audacity to wonder why women stay in abusive relationships? How did society become so oblivious to the fact that we were conditioning our daughters to endure abusive treatment, much less view it as romantic overtures?"

How to Verbally Confront Someone Using Verbal Abuse: 5 steps - wikiHow

2012-02-16T07:48:00.000-08:00

I think this is a joke but am not sure--this article explains how to verbally abuse someone--not ocnfront them--what are your thoughts? Joke or not? (hint, read the entire article by clicking on the link before you respond--its shrot)

How to Verbally Confront Someone Using Verbal Abuse: 5 steps - wikiHow: "Verbal Abuse is a weapon that most people in the world use as a means to win a dispute and usually precede a more serious physical confrontation which could have legal consequences. Verbal Abuse is legal in most places so long it is not a repeated event and is not recorded or published as it may be considered "slander"."

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Killing me softly with his words

2012-02-13T12:22:00.000-08:00

I love t his campaign! what a perfect title. Maybe we should think of observing this in our communities?

Verbal abuse “can deaden someone from the inside out” · TheJournal.ie: "VICTIMS OF VERBAL abuse can suffer from mental and physical health issues – but it can be hard for them to name what they are experiencing, say Sonas Housing and Meath Women’s Refuge, who have launched their new campaign, Killing Me Softly With His Words, this week.
The campaign aims to raise awareness of the affects of verbal abuse such as name-calling, insults, humiliation, intimidation, threatening comments and mind-games."

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Verbal abuse on tape

2012-02-12T15:30:00.000-08:00

You have GOT to hear this woman's abuse tape!

Verbal abuse on tape: "I put together this video to document what verbal abuse sounds like and what it feels like to me:

Domestic abuse caught on tape - YouTube

Despite what you hear, he is actually very involved as a father, but he's also very controlling of our kids' opinion about me. I'm afraid of what might happen if there is a custody battle.

Everyone else thinks he is the most wonderful guy in the world--he never acts like this outside our home. Because of this, for many years I thought I must be to blame, but I've finally decided there is no excuse for treating someone like this. The only problem is I have no good options at this point."

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Music Video: Warrior in Me (Lori Crandall)

2012-02-11T14:20:00.000-08:00

A friend just sent me the link to this woman's website and music.
What an amazing example of what it is like to learn how to take care of myself.
There's a warrior in me!

VS 1.
There are days that I remember your eyes, filled with rage as you looked at me. I thought your anger was somehow my fault, and then…I murdered myself. I thought I must have been nothing, but those days are gone, I let go of you and given you back your thorns, and now I finally see, that there’s a Warrior in me!

CHORUS
Everything I am
Everything I know
Everything I see
Everything I’ll be is Inside of Me, Yeah…

Every time I cry
Every time I scream
Every time I love
Every time I sing…Its inside, yeah it’s inside inside of me.

Yeah, you gave me your worst, and I fought with my best, and the Warrior, yeah this Warrior she lives on in me!

VS 2
Yes, you may have broke me. But all you showed me, was just how strong I am the warrior that is me. Yes, you may have cut me, but all that you taught me to see, is that my power to thrive and my will and my drive, and my heart as my guide, will live on eternally. Free to fly, with this Warrior in me!

CHORUS

Now I never thought I could find myself, I could free myself! I always thought I’d be in this pain again and again, locked in myself, chained to these walls, never again to feel any love at all!! But the Warrior, she freed me!

FINAL CHORUS
Everything I am
Everything I know
Everything I see
Everything I’ll be is Inside of Me, Yeah…

Every time I cry
Every time I scream
Every time I love
Every time I sing…It’s inside, yeah it’s inside inside of me.

No, I never thought I could find myself, I would free myself, I fought you on this battleground, Now I was lost now I’m found, Yeah, you gave me your worst, and I fought with my best, and the Warrior, yeah this Warrior, she lives on in me! Yes, this warrior…is ME!

Copyright Lori Crandall/2005

Dream Analysis and Interpretation - Understanding Dreams

2012-01-22T13:13:00.000-08:00

so many dream sites!!!!!! but still good. I'm glad to see that people keep dreaming and keep trying to aply their messages. this site has a dynamic dream dictionary that they increase by taking the definitions of their readers--that is simelar to ours, but of course ours increases by YOU dreaming and adding the content. Take a look--they're pretty good.

Dream Analysis and Interpretation - Understanding Dreams: "There are lots of misconceptions as to what dreams are. Som think it is a voice from beyond, others think it is your soul talking to you. Mainly it is your subconsious mind helping your conscious mind work through the events of your life. Understanding dreams are not hard, with simple logic most everyone can do it."

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When to talk to kids about sexual abuse? - CBS 42 Birmingham, AL News Weather Sports

2012-01-06T16:47:00.000-08:00

We have to make decisions about when to talk to kids about this sort of thing--the sooner they learn not to let anyone abuse them, the better--the healthier.

When to talk to kids about sexual abuse? - CBS 42 Birmingham, AL News Weather Sports: "It can be a touchy subject for any parent, when to approach the subject of sex with your child.
But many parents say the younger you get through to them about what's right and wrong, the sooner they'll recognize a bad situation.

"Whenever they can answer yes and no, what the difference between yes and no," says Kathy McCurdy.

She says the conversations with her kids started simple, and early.

"She wa

s 2, he was 4. That we don't talk about private parts, no one looks, no one touches, any mention of that is a shut down just immediately say, I'll tell my mom.""

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Its treathening consider verbal abuse? | CafeMom Answers

2012-01-04T15:08:00.000-08:00

Its treathening consider verbal abuse? | CafeMom Answers:

This is an interesting question. Its also interesting to read the various answers. the Truth is that the very nature of "threat" is abusive. It is coercion and one person is trying to control the the other person with a threat. So the answer is YES. threatening someone is abusive.

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Verbal Abuse: Is Your Relationship Verbally Abusive?

2011-12-28T14:46:00.000-08:00

Boy is this the truth, "A master at verbal abuse can damage your self-esteem while, at the same time, appear to care deeply for you." Because they care so deeply (and usually they do!) we end up justifying or excusing the abuse. and once again we mistakenly beleive that if, just if, we get it right, they will love and respect us...

this is one of the ways we reinforce the abuse!

Verbal Abuse: Is Your Relationship Verbally Abusive?: "Verbal abuse is difficult to identify and regrettably can be a common type of abuse in some marriages. Not all words that are meant to hurt are "ugly words." A master at verbal abuse can damage your self-esteem while, at the same time, appear to care deeply for you. The use of words to punish is a very covert attempt to control and regardless of how loving your spouse may appear to be, verbal abuse is wrong and can be just has harmful as physical abuse."

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Yes women need to be better protected in domestic violence, Mr. Clegg, but so do men

2011-12-16T09:17:00.000-08:00

Here's an interesting view on domestic abuse--saying allthe "right" things--trying to show how if we change "tem" our life will improve. it's really hard to get away from that in our society of blame blame blame. Read her article and see if you can identify what will really help a target of abuse and what is blaming. Remember from "Respect-Me Rules" that if you up and leave your abuser before changing YOUR behavior, you will simply attract or train a new partner as an abuser too.

The author, Sonya, does mention that we have to include men in our considerations too. Some women are terriby abusive--yet remmber, in order them to abuse, we have to let it happen--again and again and agian.

Here's an exceprt but I encourage you to read the whole article and pick out the recommendations that will help you stop abuse and what is likely to keep the pattern in place.

But, and it has to be said, why in our so-called enlightened times are we continuing to act as if men are not also on the receiving end of vitriol and attack? Why is Domestic Violence still portrayed as men as the abuser and women as the abused?
What is clear to me, juding by the abundance of help available to women from nationwide shelters and confidential hotlines and the lack of similar assistance for men, is that failing to recognise it as a real issue leaves us in a quagmire of inequality incapable

top ten list of the holiday traditions I happily leave in my past.

2011-12-15T11:41:00.000-08:00

Hey, I ran across Kelly Holly's top ten list and I tend to agree--read for a laugh--or maybe some tears!

I was sitting around on Thanksgiving Day thinking about all of the holiday traditions I left behind when I left my husband. Amazingly, there aren’t any that I miss. I really did try to get myself choked up about my lack of traditional family time, but the tears wouldn’t come. Instead, I ended up with a top ten list of the holiday traditions I happily leave in my past.

1.) His insistence on his family’s traditional foods. That wouldn’t be so bad except my family’s traditional dishes were unapproved.

for the rest of Kelly's top ten, click here:

verbal abuse and The Closer

2011-11-07T11:11:00.000-08:00

I watched the first episode of the Closer this weekend and saw a GREAT line for a woman stopping abuse dead in its tracks before it takes ahold. If only all of us us could learn these principles (Miracle principles). what happened was that Brenda was put in charge of the homicide team in LA and the guys hated that an outsider was promosted over them--they got really contrary with her. At one point one of the guys said, "Why do you have to be such a bitch?" Brenda stopped and confronted him and replied, "If I wanted to be called a bitch to my face, I would still be married." and she walked away.

No fan fair--no outrage--but a great comeback that stops abuse! If any of you see great lines on TV or at the movies, please send them in--in fact, I think we should start a collection of great one-liners that fit our principles of NO MORE VICTIM and demanding the respect we deserve.

TNT - The Closer: Home:

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Respect begins at home!

2011-10-28T13:55:00.000-07:00

A guest article from Natalie Hunter, who blogs for onlineschools.org

Have you ever been made to feel as if you were in denial about the reality of the things that happen in your relationship? The harder that you try to persuade your partner of your feelings, the more that you find yourself believing his version of events. Whether it comes from your spouse, significant other or your boss, this is a sign of an emotionally abusive relationship.

You don't need to attend an online school to learn emotionally abusive relationships are characterized by an imbalance of power. This is your abuser's secret weapon when it comes to keeping you firmly where they want you. The weapon comes with many different types of ammunition, such as:

• Gaslighting- In this situation the abuser will feed you false information that will cause you to doubt your own memory and perception of events. Generally the three tactics they will be to deny, minimize or blame the abuse on you. They can be so convincing that before long you believe what they tell you about your own reality.

• Intimidation- An abuser may display weapons, make you afraid, hurt your pets or break your belongings.

• Emotional Abuse- Name calling, insulting, humiliation, and instilling feelings of guilt are common campaign to make you feel inferior to them.

• An abuser may also coerce, threaten, use male privilege or your children as tools to keep you in line.

Many people think of domestic violence in terms of the classic image of a blue-collar guy in a wife-beater shirt, smacking a lady around. Yet, this isn’t always the case. Just because someone has never hit you doesn't mean they aren't abusing you in other ways. Abusers are masters of stealing your personal power by demeaning you, not taking you seriously, and refusing to own up to their actions.

Abusive relationships take a toll on women at home and in the work place. Abuse leads to a downward spiral of poor self-esteem, and conditions you to be accepting of this type of behavior. However this conduct may not be limited to the home, bullies at work often use many of the same techniques. Some may be more aggressive than others, engaging in a variety of actions.

They may be overt, such as making disrespectful comments about you, or covert in their means of belittling you. However the Workplace Bullying Institute reports as many as 46 percent of Americans have experienced some form of abuse. A few of the symptoms include:

• Belittling, criticizing and humiliation.

• Threatening by stares, gestures or appearing hostile.

• Failure to acknowledge good work, creating unrealistic job expectations or excessive micro-management of work.

In our society, women are often pre-conditioned to accept this behavior. Taught from an early age to put the needs of others before themselves, females often end up trying to uphold a double standard. It may be true that, to some degree, women are hardwired to be more empathetic. Yet that doesn’t mean you have to end up a victim, being the proverbial doormat for someone to wipe their feet on. Tolerance of abusive relationships can lead to desensitization, which leaves you vulnerable to further abuse.

Enduring an abusive relationship at home creates a level of tolerance that spills over into the work environment. When you accept that your opinion is less valuable than that of others, it creates a dynamic that sets you up for a repetitive pattern of believing what you are told about yourself. This can be extremely damaging to your self-esteem, and may hinder professional advancement. Insist on a healthy relationship, where there is mutual respect.

Characteristics of a healthy relationship include:

• Listening without passing judgment on how someone should feel.

• Understanding about emotions and attach importance to opinions.

• Respecting that everyone has a right to their own thoughts, activities and feelings.

• Ensuring that behavior allows for safe and comfortable communication.

• Accepting responsibility for actions and accountability for actions.

By insisting on, and modeling respectful behavior, it is possible for you to overcome the negative self-image that many women develop. Achieving harmony and success both at home and in the workplace, is an attainable goal. Knowledge and understanding of why abusive situation occur can go a long way towards developing successful strategies for overcoming this destructive cycle.

BrainWashers

2011-09-17T09:43:00.000-07:00

Here is an interesting site that describes a lot symptoms. I especially like the term, "brainwhaser." This is what they call abusers--good term!

Symptoms of Emotional Abuse: "HE PROCESS OF BRAINWASHING
(MIND CONTROL)

1. The brainwasher keeps the victim unaware of what is going on and what changes are taking place.

Your partner might control your finances, make plans for you, or not tell you what his plans are until the last minute. He may talk about you to others behind your back, to isolate you from them.

2. The brainwasher controls the victim's time and physical environment, and works to suppress much of the victim's old behavior. The victim is slowly, or abruptly, isolated from all supportive persons except the brainwasher."

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A subtle, yet serious, form of emotional abuse

2011-09-14T13:27:00.000-07:00

I just read a blogpost on "Gaslighting".

Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse where the abuser tries to make their target think they are crazy, their reactions on abnormal, or wrong, or... in some way completely invalidate the other person.

The blog is not superbly written, and there are a few things I really didn't like about it. (The biggest being that he seemed to think that it was only a problem done to women, and that he could tell other women what their problem was.)

There was one line that really struck me, "That “forget it” isn’t just about dismissing a thought, it is about self-dismissal. It’s heartbreaking."

Here it is in a little more context:

"These women aren’t able to clearly express to their spouses that what is said or done to them is hurtful. They can’t tell their boss that his behavior is disrespectful and prevents them from doing their best work. They can’t tell their parents that, when they are being critical, they are doing more harm than good.

When these women receive any sort of push back to their reactions, they often brush it off by saying, “Forget it, it’s okay.”

That “forget it” isn’t just about dismissing a thought, it is about self-dismissal. It’s heartbreaking."

That is what emotional abuse does to a person. They can't express what is going on, and when they try to express it (especially to the person that is already abusing them), they are told to forget about it, and in order to forget about that kind of violation to their own psychological boundaries, they forget about themselves. We dismiss ourselves. I dismissed myself.

It's heartbreaking.

After years of being told to dismiss my own emotions, experiences, myself, I didn't need anyone else to do it for me. I told MYSELF I was crazy. I told myself I was too sensitive, overreacting, nuts, I deserved it, to just forget it, it wasn't important, I wasn't important, etc.

I believed it for a long time, but it just wasn't true.

I still have a hard time knowing if my reactions are "too much". The most valuable tool I have found is to think about how I would react if someone was doing or saying (...) to my sister, my friend, to those that I really love, how would I react? I believe I deserve the same love (and boundaries) I want for those that I care about most.

I wouldn't want my sister to take abuse, so I won't take abuse.

Respect-Me R.U.L.E.S-Workshop

2011-09-12T16:00:00.000-07:00

Quite a few people are signing up now. Please be sure to let us know when you finish so we can send you a certificate. If you make it through this course, you deserve the certificate!

Respect-Me R.U.L.E.S-Workshop: "This training course is FREE for anyone who wants to stop being the target of abuse and get the respect they deserve. You can do it and we show you how. Section 1 of the course can be started immediately after you read the Introduction, guidelines and disclaimer. If you find Section 1 helpful, then we invite you to continue with the second, more advanced half of the workshop. Section 2 is also free but requires the use of our Respect-Me Rules book because the lessons are based on the 12 Respect-me Rules and how to implement them. This educational tool is designed to give you clear and practical information on this issues. The tutorial is moderated by Dr. Marshall and Shelly Marshall.
"

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Recommendation For If You Decide to Call Out Verbal Abuse

2011-07-30T07:50:00.000-07:00

There is a great blog from Healthy Place that discusses what may happen when one names the abuse for their abuser. Respect-Me Rule number 10 "Call Attention to Verbal Abuse" is what deals with this in the Marshall approach. Yet, Kellie Holly, tells how the calling out the abuse escalated to violence in her relationship:

My Results From Calling Out Verbal Abuse (Yours May Vary)Naming the type of abuse out loud escalated the abuse to the point that he was a raging bull at all times. We COULDN’T talk. I hated having to give up whatever I was doing to leave the room, and a lot of the time he followed me. We played a sick “follow the leader” game around the house with him shouting as I tried to find refuge (and continued naming the type of abuse).

Naming the abuse can do several things, 1. show you, as it did Hollie, that your partner has no intention of changing, 2. escalate the abuse, especially if you call attentiont to abuse in a confrontational way, 3. or allow your partner to become more aware of he or she is doing.

Some abusive partners truly don't realize the extent of their behvaior--and remember, we often have trained them it is OK to mistreat us. In these cases a low key approach to calling attention, often without words, can benefit change in the relationship. However, if you are with a hard-core verbal abuser, a real control freak who is very afraid of losing control, you might experience some of the same things Hollie did. She put a list of the abuse up on the refrigerator. Coming across judgemental and accusatory to any partner probably will have a simelar outcome.

When I began my path to having my husband repsect me, I called attention to his abuse by whipping out a tape recorder every time he started in on me. It dramatically changed his behavior right away. So even if you don't think they know what they are doing, at some level they do know or their behavior wouldn't improve when they think others might hear. There are other ways to call attention to the abuse in a non-threatening way...if any of you have ways to do it, things you have used sucessfully, please share..

Introducing Myself

2011-06-29T11:27:00.000-07:00

It was a little more than a month ago that Shelly asked if I would like to be a guest blogger here.. I loved the idea, and I really struggled with what to write. Last night, it finally hit me. The struggle is actually my feelings about the book Respect-me R.U.L.E.S.

I love it, and I hate it.

Let me explain.

Four years ago, I was in a marriage that was physically and emotionally abusive, and I didn't know it. I refused to believe it. I sat with a church leader who showed me a list of behaviors that constituted abuse, and I knew I had experienced everything on the list, but I also knew it wasn't abuse. I knew I deserved it. Really, I knew a lot of things that simply weren't true... about me, about him, about love, about relationships.

I had been taught since I was very young that love = sacrifice. Love is always patient, kind, long-suffering. Love is never selfish, and thinking about myself or what I wanted was selfish. I believed it was my job to never get angry or offended - no matter what other people did. I believed that no matter what anyone else did to me, I had to take it. At the same time, I was angry, depressed, anxious and very suicidal. (And strangely enough, I used those things as just more "proof" that I deserved to be abused.)

I started going to therapy. When asked what my goals for therapy were, I actually said, "I want you to help me not be angry anymore. I want you to teach me how to just take it like I should."

I'm very grateful for what he said next, "Then you better leave now and go find a new therapist. I will NOT be a part of that."

That was the beginning of my journey. I went through a lot of therapy, read a lot of books, did a lot of soul-searching, crying, yelling, screaming, and fighting to regain my life. Last year, in my wanderings, I found the book, Respect-me R.U.L.E.S.

It disagreed with everything I believed about relationships. It talked about boundaries. It talked about standing up for myself. It talked about a lot of things that I didn't understand, and I completely disagreed with. I hated it.

It also gave me hope for something I had never known. Maybe one day, I would be able to stand up for myself. I could have different relationships, because my marriage was not the only place that I felt used, angry, or abused. (I did eventually learn to call abuse, abuse, but it took a while.) I felt used in most of my relationships. I knew that people cared about me. I understood that most people didn't want to hurt me, but I didn't understand how to do it differently. In many ways, I didn't understand that there was another possibility. The book gave me specific suggestions and ideas, and got me thinking about things differently. I loved it.

I still feel that same love-hate towards the book. My copy is beat up. I have actually thrown it across the room, and cried out in frustration, "I SO don't want to have to know this stuff!"

Lately, respecting me is becoming a little more natural to me. I'm very different from when I started this journey. I've come to realize that I don't "have to" know anything, however I want a better life. By becoming aware of what is, I'm creating the life I've always wanted.

I'm still in the process of discovering me. I have so much to learn. I've also come SO far, and I'm excited to share some of my journey with all of you.

Cheers,

jen

P.S.

A little bit about me: I love horses and nature. My horse, Sunny, pretty much saved my life by teaching me how to trust another being and how to ask for what I wanted. I'm divorced. I love funny movies and books that make me think. If you want to know anything else, you're welcome to visit my personal blog. I'm pretty open over there about whatever pops into my head.

questions_answers 1

2011-06-11T17:38:00.000-07:00

questions_answers 1

This is a great site--it looks like Kim and Steve have figured out how to gain respect in your love relationship. they claim there are three things that you must never do if you want to stop the verbal abuse.

1. Stop asking your partner to change.

2. Stop encouraging them to share their feelings.

3. Stop trying to please them.

For those of you who read "Respect me Rules" or taken the FREE verbal abuse online workshop, you have heard this before. This couple is basically same the same things Dr. Marshall and myself are teaching--its a good support site.

For those of you who have not taken our online workshop--its free, and it will help begin the process of changing the way you think about your partner and about yourself. Isn't it time these changes begin?

It gets better--hang in there!

Publisher's Poster Page for book is up!

2011-04-19T10:53:00.000-07:00

Our Publisher, Cedar Fort has published a Poster Page for us.

Click for Poster Page

Please check it out--you can look inside the book and see if this is the program you need.

(Note to Jen:--would you send me your email address? Send to daybyday at cut.net

Thanks.

Abusers begin as Bullies--See DATELINE's new report

2011-03-07T08:24:00.000-08:00

Where do abusers come from? Its not as complicated an answer as you might think--they come from bullies--both men and women. In fact a verbal and emotional abuser is just a fancy term for BULLY. Dateline did a special on bullying and it's something we can learn from, if we choose--If you ever get to see the program, it has a lot of helpful insights. See the Dateline report 'My Kid Would Never Bully' with Kate Snow.

Unfortunately, although the program itself was excellent, they fell short on their website resource, "Tips about Bullying." It advises to tell on the bully (not usually helpful). It follows with advice for adults that falls way short! The BEST ever advice on bullies is the work done by Izzy Kalman at Bullies2Buddies. This man understands the dynamics behind bullying and has the only effective approach for kids we have seen--and it doesn't involve "telling" unless physical danger is imminent.

But back to the program itseft--it was GREAT. The woman expert, Roselynn, was very knowledgeable. The crew had set up hidden cameras and hired actors to bully another actor. There were three to four kids (scenes were done with both boys and girls) who were bystanders. The parents and crew wanted to see if the bystanders would stand up for the victim or join in. I was actually very proud of most of the kids--they often did try to stand up for the picked-on actor.

What has this got to do with us? Well, the principles concerning bullies and abusers are the same--"power over another," as linda Evans would say. Their power goal is to control you and make you less than them. Many adult abusers start off their abusing careers--as school yard bullies. The take home lesson from this program is seeing how the kids effectively handled the bully, because that teaches us how to "handle" adult bullies.

The most important lesson came from a young gril named Lilly. The set up was two girl bullies picking on a fat girl and getting really mean, "everyone knows that you don't wear horizontal stripes when you're big."--Lilly wasn't having any of it and confronted them right off the bat. She was extremely agrressive about not letting the girls bully the fat chick, even going to the point of getting on her knees and mockingly paying homage to the bullies.

Once the adults came back to the rooma nd let the kids know what was going on--relief was swift. However, then some of the parents asked, "Did Lilly go too far? Did she get too aggressive in standing up for the girl?" In our socieity we are taught to tone it down, be kind, and don't overreact..." that is the sort of teaching that makes women suspectable to being a target int he first place.

Rosilyn's answer? "Kindness doesn't work! It shows weakness." How right she is! We applaud her honest and straightwoard approach. This is what we teach our targets--do not be kind about stopping abuse. That is not to say be unkind. But you must be firm and you must not "tone it down." Remember you are meant to be respected and demanding respect works.

Thanks Dateline--this was a good start--now lets take the priciples to the adult bully. And thanks, Lilly, you are the role model that shows us what the Miracle Principle is all about!

Putting a Stop to Verbal and Emotional Abuse | Radio Show Blog - HealthyPlace

2011-01-29T14:00:00.000-08:00

Listen to our radio interview--15 minutes and the host, Gary, helps us give a great summery of what is in the book!

Putting a Stop to Verbal and Emotional Abuse | Radio Show Blog - HealthyPlace: "As we heard from our guest Kellie Holly last week,verbal and emotional abuse is insidious and destructive. Once you recognize you’re in an abusive relationship, what do you do about it? Shelly and Dr. Michael Marshall say putting a stop to verbal and emotional abuse is up to you."

My Verbally Abusive Marriage

2011-01-21T12:03:00.000-08:00

I love this women!!!! Go read her blog. She GETS it! Kelly understands that to be abused you have to allow it.

My Verbally Abusive Marriage:

"I’ve written before that abuse is a cycle. Abuse does not happen in a vacuum, meaning that an abuser cannot be an abuser if there is no one to abuse. A victim cannot be a victim if there is no one to transfer authority to.

I did just that. I transferred my authority over ME to him a very long time ago. I gave me away. I chose to be the harmony instead of the melody. I chose to give up parts of myself in order to … to what?"

Shel also has a free download of a worksheet regarding how you allow abuse and why that abuser does it--work checking out her site.

New Safety options in IE browsing

2011-01-07T08:18:00.000-08:00

Great news for targets of abuse--in Internet Explorer's 8 version you can actually, with the click of the mouse, browse privately without your partner seeing what you are doing on the computer. Although Dr. Marshall and myself believe it is best to be open with your abuser that you are now changing the way you let him or her treat you--there may be times when you want to "hide" that you are seeking help. that would be before you are ready to enforce the Respect-me RULES. Maybe you have employed a few boundaries but are not ready to go full out with your new-found attitude. Maybe you fear he is on the verge of violence and you don't want to give him any more fuel.

Well, IE8, as well as some other browsers, makes it easier. If you want to browse and not have other people find out where you've been surfing, use In Private Browsing. You can start an InPrivate session either by; opening a new browser tab and clicking the Open An InPrivate Window link or by clicking the Safety Menu in the Command Bar and selecting InPrivatre Browsing. If you need their service USE IT. We want you be comfortable as you learn your new skills for having people respect you and treat you the way you should be treated.

Several other browsers strive to do the same--but the system is imperfect, so if physical safety is a problem, don't trust the system, according to a company that sells protection software.

InPrivate Browsing" in Internet Explorer, "Incognito mode" in Chrome, and "Private Browsing" in Firefox and Safari all strive to do the same two things: make it impossible for users of the same computer to figure out which sites the browser has been used to visit, and make it impossible for sites to know whether or not a particular user has previously visited them.

The researchers found that the browsers' protections were imperfect. Browsers did not properly isolate their private sessions from non-private ones, with the result that suitably crafted sites could trace visitors between private and non-private sessions. Sites could also leave persistent indications that they had been visited, allowing visits to be detected by local users.

In any case--although not perfect--if you pay attention you can serf safely.

Posture has an effect on the way others treat you!

2011-01-05T16:50:00.000-08:00

As reported by Frank Bures in the Scientific Mind, our posture affects the we feel about ourselves, a study suggests. If we "pose" in certain ways, it affects our hormone levels adjusting to the pose we take. For instance, If we put our feet up on the table, as if one is in charge--it makes the person feel more powerful and and produces a drop in the stress hormones.

Improving Posture and Poise to Improve Confidence

"Studies have shown that when you take up a confident posture you begin to feel more confident. As you look and feel more confident you act more confident and people will in turn treat you with more respect. As people around you start to react differently to your new found confidence it fuels your self-image and you become even more confident. It creates a powerful cycle that if maintained can steadily improve confidence over time."

http://ezinearticles.com/?Improving-Posture-and-Poise-to-Improve-Confidence&id=5474104
And
Posture
By Donald Dalton

In every moment we are awake, we can choose the way we want to feel. It starts with our thoughts and emotions. Our body then adjusts to match these thoughts and emotions. If you want to have a more positive outlook on your life, look at your posture when you sit, walk and the way you move. Walking with your chest out and your head in line with your shoulders will bring you more confidence and little changes to the way you sit, stand and carry yourself in general can have a huge impact in how others treat you.

Take a moment right now and think about a sad person sitting in a chair. How do they look? Is their head up or down? Are they sitting up straight or are they more slumped over? Now let us imagine this is someone you love like a family member. How do you approach them? Do you come in all smiling and happy or do you approach them more passively? Now let us change the example slightly and say that they are angry. How do they hold themselves? Do you feel like approaching them or not? What if they are happy? How are they sitting in the chair and how does your approach to them change? The posture that others have effects the way we treat them. It also effects the way others treat us.

http://www.dondalton.com/posture.html

So what does this mean for the person who is verbally and emotionally abused by partner?
It means that if you hunch over, avert your eyes, shuffle your feet and mouseily slide past your partner you are acting like a victim, weak, afraid and subservient. You are acting like a target and you increase your chances of your partner taking things out on you.

How should you act? Try holding your head high when you talk even when he is angry. Look just to the side of brow but keep your gaze steady when you talk. You don't look an abuser right in the eyes because subconsciously males take that as a challenge. You are not challenging them, you are simply not being subservient. When you break eye contact, look to the side--never down. If you look down to break eye contact you are submitting. With a person who is used to brow beating you, it is best to hold your ground at every opportunity.

When you sit in the living room and you are feeling especially vulnerable, try propping your feet up on the coffee table. This is a dominant position and will release hormones that help you feel more powerful and confident.

Putting your hands on your hips is another power position. Try these three things--head high, looking them int he face but not the eyes when talking, propping your feet up on the coffee table and putting your hands on your hips--do this routinely for a few days and see the difference in how you feel. Then look for other power positions. posture, and poses.

Little things sometimes make a big difference. Comment and let us know how it affected you. In fact, try putting your feet up now!

Sexual Abuse, Physical Abuse, Psychological Abuse - HealthyPlace

2010-12-30T20:29:00.000-08:00

A great place to go for info. Dr. Marshall and myself will be guest speakers ontheir radio program on Weds January 5th.

Sexual Abuse, Physical Abuse, Psychological Abuse - HealthyPlace

Go here to check out their radio programs and their radio blog.

Respect-Me R.U.L.E.S

2010-11-27T09:01:00.000-08:00

The new book is scheduled to be out Dec 12--
YOU ORDER IN ADVANCE. through amazon.com.
Use this link: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1599554402?ie=UTF8&tag=daybydayteenaadd&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=1599554402

We have a new website--you will want to visit this one. The Target site will continue to operate the free workshop and everything else will be moved to the new site.

We will also move the blog to this new blog "Respect Me Rules" http://respectmerules.blogspot.com

Become a follower of the new site and you will be in on all the latest news.

Respect-Me R.U.L.E.S: "Do you suspect that you or someone you love is suffering from verbal and emotional abuse at the hands of their partner? Relationships are meant to be nurturing and supportive in order to create an environment suitable for personal, mutual and family growth. When verbal and emotional abuse rob one partner of the respect they deserve, for whatever reason, the wounding has to stop.

- Sent using Google Toolbar"

Respect-Me R.U.L.E.S

2010-11-27T08:56:00.000-08:00

The new book is scheduled to be out Dec 12--

ORDER IN ADVANCE. you can purchase through amazon.com.
Use this link: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1599554402?ie=UTF8&tag=daybydayteenaadd&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=1599554402

Please visit our website:

Respect-Me R.U.L.E.S: "Do you suspect that you or someone you love is suffering from verbal and emotional abuse at the hands of their partner? Relationships are meant to be nurturing and supportive in order to create an environment suitable for personal, mutual and family growth. When verbal and emotional abuse rob one partner of the respect they deserve, for whatever reason, the wounding has to stop.

- Sent using Google Toolbar"

Alcohol Ranked Most Harmful Drug

2010-11-03T07:41:00.000-07:00

You think other drugs contribute to abuse--check this out!

Alcohol Ranked Most Harmful Drug: "Alcohol Ranked Most Harmful Drug
November 2, 2010

A group of British scientific experts has concluded that when combining its effects on the individual and on society, alcohol far outpaces other substances as the most harmful drug, the Associated Press reported Nov. 1.

The Independent Scientific Committee on Drugs, meeting via an interactive workshop, used multicriteria decision analysis to evaluate drugs' effects on the body and their impacts on society, including effects on families and on costs in areas such as health care and corrections. Heroin, crack cocaine and methamphetamine were ranked in the analysis as the most lethal drugs to the individual, but alcohol, heroin and crack were judged most harmful to others.

The combined harm score for alcohol was the highest, at 72 out of a possible 100, followed b

- Sent using Google Toolbar"

10 Passive Aggressive Cut-outs :Recovery Is Sexy.com

2010-11-03T07:28:00.000-07:00

There are many ways to flag someone who many start being abusive with you--passive aggression is one early warning sign...read this great article:

10 Passive Aggressive Cut-outs :Recovery Is Sexy.com: "0 Common Passive Aggressive Phrases to Avoid

* Is there someone in your life who consistently makes you feel like you are on an emotional roller coaster?
* Do you know a person who is friendly one day but sulks and withdraws the next?
* Does a family member or friend consistently procrastinate, postpone, stall, and shut down any emotionally-laden conversations?
* Are you sometimes that person?

If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, chances are you may be interacting with a passive aggressive person or showing signs of passive-aggressive behavior yourself.

- Sent using Google Toolbar"

Portraying domestic abuse in song

2010-10-17T12:10:00.000-07:00

September 6, 2010 by Karen Blyton

For six weeks and counting, “Love the Way You Lie” has been No. 1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 chart, and the song’s music video has garnered more than 77 million views on YouTube.
What makes the song and the music video controversial is that both Eminem and Rihanna have had their own experiences with abusive relationships.

Eminem depicted his relationship with ex-wife Kim Mathers in his song “Kim,” off his third studio album, “The Marshall Mathers LP,” whose lyrics reflect fantasies about murdering a woman named Kim.
More notably, Rihanna unofficially became the face of domestic-violence victims in 2009 when R&B star Chris Brown, Rihanna’s former boyfriend, was sentenced to five years of probation and six months of community service for assaulting Rihanna just before the 2009 Grammy Awards.

The real success of the song and music video is due to Rihanna’s haunting words that she sings in the song’s hook

“Just gonna stand there/ and watch me burn/ But that’s alright/ because I like the way it hurts/ Just gonna stand there/ and hear me cry/ But that’s alright/ because I love the way you lie.”

Marjorie Gilberg, the executive director of Break the Cycle, a nonprofit that works to end teen violence, told the Washington Post in an Aug. 10 article, “The danger is that pop culture defines our social norms. We don’t want the message of this song to be that this kind of relationship is acceptable. So this song has to be viewed in the context of real information from adults, like parents and teachers.”

"A.A. Thoughts For Today" ~ Blog changes Daily: Thoughts For The Day~~Amends ^^*^^^ October 2, 2010

2010-10-02T07:48:00.000-07:00

I like this: Thought to Consider . . .

It is the highest form of self-respect to admit mistakes
and to make amends for them.

Check them out--their daily thoughts, slogans and excerpts from the recovery books changes daily.

Free Reconsrtuctive Surgery

2010-07-06T18:14:00.000-07:00

(I'm blogging my own site!!!!)

Can Saving Faces help you?

The Discovery Channel is currently trying to locate an individual who is a victim of domestic abuse and in need of treatment to remove the final scars in order to restart her life. We recognize the difficulty of locating the correct person for this program and wonder if it is your someone you know? We are not only searching for someone who has been educated to the co dependency issues of domestic violence and worked on their inner healing and empowerment, but also, someone who would not be endangered by exposure through programming. That said, our staff is committed to helping an abused woman receive this amazing opportunity to move forward through this surgical renewal.

For more info, Download this Pamphlet

Accidental advocates of domestic violence prevention » Ventura County Star

2010-05-29T19:01:00.000-07:00

Now we have groups of rock stars support recovery from domestic violence--lets hope they soon turn their focus to emotional and verbal violence--that's where it starts!

Äpsylon has partnered with the National Domestic Violence Hotline and Love is Respect, the national teen dating abuse helpline. The band will donate 10 percent of the proceeds from each album sold to the organizations. The album, released April 1, is available as a download exclusively through the band’s website, http://www.apsylon.com.

Accidental advocates of domestic violence prevention » Ventura County Star

Effective Self Defense For Women: Emotional Abuse, Verbal Abuse - The Very Early Warning Signs

2009-01-16T13:06:00.000-08:00

this is the BEST article on subtle abuse I've ever read--it compliments the article on subtle abuse I wrote about Jim McGirr and myself of Sunday, November 09, 2008--scroll down to that dates blog.

Respecting my boundaries saved me from an abuser--but this man's advice can catch the abuser BEFORE you become attached! Read his article and I suggest reading Dr. Stoshny's book

Effective Self Defense For Women: Emotional Abuse, Verbal Abuse - The Very Early Warning Signs: "More useful than a list of obvious red flags are guidelines based on very early warning signs of a potentially abusive relationship, signs that are visible before an attachment bond is formed. The following is a list of qualities to look for in a potential lover. Avoid them at all costs.

Note: During the early stages of your relationship, your partner is not likely to do any of these things to you. But witnessing these attitudes and behaviors toward others is a sure sign that they will turn onto you, sooner or later."

There is all types of abuse - THE DIVA WITHIN

2008-12-27T07:55:00.000-08:00

Great discussion here in this blog discussion. they discuss what type of abuse if the worst--now what I would like to see is what rationalizations we tell ourselves to allow the abuse in the first place!

There is all types of abuse - THE DIVA WITHIN: "While all forms of abuse are horrid for the person subjected to them I personally believe that Emotional Abuse is the worst. There are no physical signs letting those closest to you know 100% for sure that something is wrong. Emotional abuse doesn't leave visible scars and often is much harder to over come than Sexual or Physical Abuse.

Emotional abuse attacks to heart and sole of a person. In the beginning its just a few comments here and there but then they progress to belittling a person, making them question their each and every action until the person no longer knows or even worse cares who they are. Sexual and Physical Abuse can happen repeated but in most cases Emotional Abuse lasts a life-time.

Being strong enough to see it, being strong enough to over come it and being strong enough to believe you will survive are the only medications you have to recover."

How To Find Your Soul Mate & Your Self - Part 4

2008-11-28T08:35:00.000-08:00

This lady has a lot of good things to say!!!! I love her site and you might find it interesting if you are out of your last relationship and looking for something more. I think one of my biggest problems in relationships is that I am attached to the outcome--therefore I monitor my words and actions based on what i want my partner to do and how I want them to feel--that is not genuine and I need to be more genuine with the possible partners my Higher Power presents to me.

How To Find Your Soul Mate & Your Self - Part 4: "4 Rules to Live Your Life By

This is all you need to practice in order to find your way in life...
to find your self love, your soulmate, and your purpose.

These are also known as the 4 rules of negotiation or peace making, and can be applied to ANY relationship or situation to bring about the highest good for all concerned, ALWAYS."

Be present
Listen
Tell the Truth
Release Attachment to the Outcome

Explanation:

Being present means showing up, and being willing to participate in the solution, which means being WILLING to HEAR the other person out.
Listening is HEARING how the other person says they feel, to what they are telling you THEY need. You are not listening, if you are in your head, hearing your own thoughts, and thinking about what you need to say next, in order to try and make things go your way.
Telling the TRUTH is communicating how you REALLY FEEL at a heart (soul) level, regardless of what you FEAR may or may not be the outcome. The truth will ALWAYS set you free.
Releasing attachment to the outcome is being willing to accept whatever happens as being for the best. If attached to the outcome, you will not be able to do #'s 1, 2, or 3. Attachment is selfishness, not love. Love is acceptance, and allowance for the other person to be who they really are, and to do what they feel is right at a heart level.

Abuse can be subtle but destructive none the less

2008-11-09T21:28:00.000-08:00

Lesson on Subtle forms of abuse
Enforcing your boundaries ensures you won't be with an abuser
—at least for long

Ok--I haven't done anything really personal on this blog for awhile. But I've recently learned a valuable lesson about abuse and I have to share it. It's long, so don't read it unless you want to understand how you don't have to be their emotional target, unless you want to.

I was involved with a man I thought was "the one"—Jim McGirr (yes I use real names because I advocate for NOT protecting or enabling any type of abuse—however unconsciously it is done). Jim and I seemed to be completely compatible in lifestyles, values, and even sex! So I ignored the red flags (a DUI, PTSD symptoms, miserliness) because it seemed God had brought this man into my life. Jim and I prayed together every morning, we seldom argued, we believed in service to our fellow humans, and we both had spiritual programs. What could be better?

He seemed to be such a nice guy

Jim is known as a really nice guy and it appeared as if we were a match made in heaven. I was crazy about him and decided to do whatever it took to stay in the relationship (except allow abuse!).

Anyway, remember our abuse tutorial? Dr. Marshall and myself have told you that if you take care of yourself and don't allow yourself to be a victim, that the partner who wants to control, abuse, and manipulate will simply blow themselves out of the relationship--you don't have to do it!

If you are with an abuser and you won't let them abuse,
if they don't want to change they will leave you,
you don't have to leave them!

Well, my relationship with Jim was just such an example. I still picked a guy who would have been an abuser if given the chance--but I took care of me--he didn't get much of a chance to abuse. (for the record, Jim thinks he is a really kind person--and he is, until he isn't. I, too, believed he was kind—so the abuse was initially hard to spot.)

Differences between a normal relationship
and a subtly abusive one

Bare in mind, we are not talking about normal relationship mistakes or inconsiderations — both Jim and I were guilty of these. Emotional abuse is not the occasional forgetting of an anniversary, common relationship disagreements or occasional shouting matches. Abuse is not the heat of the moment name-calling, accidental slip of the tongue that hurts feelings, or even a deliberate zinger...we are all human and not perfect. Emotional abuse is the characteristic ongoing pattern of denigration and vilification of your partner in order to gain control. Abuse is a control and power thing.

Some abusers don't know they are abusing and when they find out, they change. Some abusers don't know they are abusing but are so far in denial, they can't change. Others know it and don't care for various reasons. I believe Jim is in the second category—denial.

How did this really nice guy "abuse"?

His subtle forms of abuse included asking me to live in unhealthy conditions to save him money (although he is practically a millionaire), belittling me when I objected, selective memory to demean me, using humor and sarcasm to put me down, using fear and guilt to try to control me, twisting facts to make me look unreasonable, financially abusing me by expecting me to pay for all his living expenses while he only paid for his own food and personal expenses.

EXERCISE

I want you to learn from my experience and so created a few exercises based on Jim and I. It is sometimes easier to see abuse in other relationship then our own. See if you can pick out the subtle abuses in these 4 examples.

Name the types of non-physical abuse in these examples

Example 1 (Name the four types of emotional abuse) Jim took me to his "cottage" in Alaska, which was a converted Quonset hut, no electricity, no running water, a filthy outhouse with no door and visible to pedestrians. There was rat shit in the drawers, black grimy, greasy cook ware, and furniture literally pulled out of the dump, so slimy that I didn't even want my dog to lay on it. He had washed the mold off the walls and vacuumed the rugs (to little avail) and was "hurt" when I didn't find this charming—he told me that! When I explained it was not only the shabbiness that bothered me but the health hazards, like the rat turds and mold spores, he replied that it wasn't really mold growing on the walls but mushrooms and they weren't rats but voles. After expressing his disappointment in my "attitude" he jokingly called me "sterile," and "clinical" claiming my "standards" were too high and I, unlike him, was not flexible. (This made my mother crazy who told me that the Motel Eight he once took me to could not be considered "high" standards. And Mom can attest to the fact I am in no way "sterile" or "clinical" in my living standards.)

Answer: Financial abuse (Unhealthy lifestyle to save money), belittling, degrading humor, twisting facts.

Example 2 (Name the four types of emotional abuse) When he tried to get me to stay in a rat and bacteria infested 1973 motor home with raw sewage underneath (his 'home' in Nevada), I stayed two nights, worked on his projects non-stop for 2 days, then woke up on the third day and asked myself why I was allowing him to do this to me a second time. I mentioned the sewage and he remarked sarcastically, "What do you think? The sewage will crawl up the wheels and the axels and get you?" I asked to go to a motel. He refused. So I took care of me and decided to go home.

Before I left, he began cursing and throwing things around and shouting at me to leave and then begging me to stay with him--he was out of control and so rather than scramble to fix him (my old co-dependent behavior) and rather then give in to fear, I took responsibility for me. Later, Jim tried to say I "abandoned" him (ie, I am an evil unloving person) when he in fact, created the situation he knew I could not tolerate. The accusation of abandonment is actually funny as it was his home, he is practically a millionaire, and he had five cars there, all of which he claimed ran.

The good thing is, I left without belittling him, or judging him—I didn't even raise my voice. I just simply took care of me and encouraged him to take care of himself.

Answer: Financial abuse (Unhealthy lifestyle to save money), sarcasm, fear and guilt (to try and control my behavior)

Example 3 (Name the three forms of abuse in this example): In every argument between Jim and I, he threw up things he did for my family and continually said no one appreciated him—most especially myself. I would get confused because he did do wonderful and kind things for others—I could not understand why he continually felt unappreciated because my family did so much for him too. I began to feel inadequate as he constantly told me how good he was and how unappreciative me and my family were. He let me and my family pay for most everything until I insisted he begin paying while he lived with me. He didn't feel he should have to—because he could live for "free" in his Quonset hut. He reluctantly agreed to pay for our food and gas. From January to October, Jim, for the most part, lived with my mother, me, or my brother—he accepted my family's generosity without shame, yet constantly threw up in my face what he did for them.

Eventually I had to write a list (for my own clarification) of everything he did for my family and everything they did for him—turns out my family did much more for him than he did for them, not that my family cares, they liked Jim and don't mind doing things for family friends (see my list here). Problem is, Jim clubbed me with his 'generosity' while ignoring our generosity with him.

Answer: Guilt, selective memory, financial abuse

Example 4: (Name four main types of abuse in these examples) Jim took a day off work to drive me to the airport (200 miles) and a week later pick me up. He threw this up to me frequently claiming I didn't appreciate him losing two days work. What he "forgets" is me driving him to the same airport so he could fly to Connecticut to visit his parents and I, too, had to take off work. He "forgets" me picking him up at the Kalispell airport when he flew to the lower 48 (because of a DUI, Canada won't let him drive through the country so I drove our stuff 2000 miles while he flew on a plane—then he asked me not to pay for the trip with his money!) He "forgets" me driving him to his property in Nevada (another 1,000 miles) where we worked on his projects for 2 ½ days. What he "forgets" is that I gave up 10 days of my work for him.

Answer: Guilt, twisting facts, selective memory, financial abuse

The above examples are not relevant except in his attempt to make me feel "less than" with his selective memory. Doing things for each other—driving each other places, him working on my property or me working on his--I didn't think a thing of it—except in retrospect. His driving me to the airport was wonderful, but why wasn't I afforded the same acknowledgement for the same favor? The only point there is to mentioning these everyday things people do for each other is to point out his subtle abusiveness—"I'm wonderful for what I do, you do nothing, you are nothing."

Was any of this Jim's fault?

How I live is my responsibility—not Jim's and I know that. So even though I spent a few nights in his places to appease him, I quickly snapped to and took responsibility for myself. If I didn't want to be in hovel, I had to leave. That is healthy. When he tried to manipulate me to feel guilty about who I am and how I choose to live—I did not allow it. I have learned at least some of my own lessons. Only 7 ½ months into the relationship and just 10 days after "abandoning" him in Nevada, Jim drove to my home, (ostensibly to start our life together), told me he was "unhappy" and left (surprise, surprise, he asked for all the money back that he had spent on me too!). Whew—can you imagine if he had stayed what my life would have been like? Protecting my boundaries protected me!

The Millionaire Miser

The thing that made this all the more striking is that this man is close to being a millionaire if not already. So his niggardliness has no financial basis. If he were poor, disabled, uneducated, --it might be more understandable. I told myself it was alcoholism, depression, and PTSD that caused his behavior, but in the end it doesn't matter—what matters is that I know who I am, what I want—and although I can and do compromise in a thousand ways with the people in my life, I don't apologize or feel guilty for being me.

Free Wall Hanging

2008-11-09T07:11:00.000-08:00

You need a gift today, so we put together this wonderful wall hanger with Gary Zubkav's explanation of what a true spiritual partnership with a man is--We are all ultimately looking for that perfect partnership--so download this Wall hanging, print it out on some fabulous paper and put it where you can remind yourself what our goal is--to find and nurture that partnership devoid of victims and abuse. Spiritual Partnership download (Tip: it prints out beautifully on light blue, green or lavender paper and is fabulous framed)

Enjoy--and let us know what you think!

Gary Zukav Quotes - Authentic Power, Soul Evolution : Pearls Of Wisdom

2008-11-09T06:37:00.000-08:00

It is important to understand this line on victims and it is essentially how you will break out of your cycle of abuse--you can do this--take the tutorial and move forward!

Gary Zukav Quotes - Authentic Power, Soul Evolution : Pearls Of Wisdom: "We are evolving from a species that pursues external power into a species that pursues Authentic Power... Authentic power has its roots in the deepest source of our being. An authentically empowered person is incapable of making anyone or anything a victim. An authentically empowered person is one who is so strong, so empowered, that the idea of using force against another is not a part of his or her consciousness.'

~ Gary Zukav ~"

Alzheimer's - verbal abuse

2008-09-29T08:44:00.000-07:00

there are times when you just have to be understanding with an abuser and know it is not them or you or anything but life and this is one of those cases--read about this sweet woman who takes alzheimer's abuse personally....my heart goes out to her becasue I know she doesn't understand

Alzheimer's - verbal abuse: "It is understandable that the feelings of your father-in-law's wife are hurt. However, it might be helpful if she tries to interpret his behavior differently. Although it must not be easy to receive verbal abuse from her own spouse, the fact that she is feeling hurt and helpless may suggest that she is taking his actions personally rather than seeing them as a symptom of his dementia and/or any other illnesses, and perhaps a general feeling of vulnerability and worry about his health, and not as a motivated attack to hurt or insult her. He may not be able to control his outbursts at this point, but she could attempt to mentally reframe the situation for herself and utilize basic redirection techniques to manage him. If she finds that he is complaining unreasonably and being verbally abusive, she can simply reply to him by validating his concerns and quickly changing the subject onto something more positive."

Every one must fight abuse...

2008-08-31T12:42:00.000-07:00

http://submissiontyranny.blogspot.com/2008/08/why-everyone-must-combat-abuse-domestic.html

the best advice yet!!!!!

Domestic violence. Batterered wives. Domestic terrorism. Bah humbug. Who cares? None of my friends are abused. It has nothing to do with me. People may well say that; but how do you know? Are you sure your friend isn’t black and blue on the inside from verbal and emotional abuse and is keeping it private as is typical of abused women? And what about the receptionist at your doctor’s office? Could it be the name calling and put downs she’s getting at home made it so hard to concentrate that she put your papers in someone else’s file and now no one can find them? Could your coworker, whom you think has PMS, actually be in terror of unjustly losing custody of her children because of threats from her almost ex-husband and because the court tends to believe the statements of an angry aggressive man are true, while his victim must furnish proof for her statements? And horror of horrors, what if one of your daughters—or your friend’s daughters ends up married to an abuser? As with the Holocaust, if too many people shrug and turn away, the problem will soon be on everyone’s doorstep and come into their homes. We must not only intervene to stop domestic violence, we must take steps to prevent it from happening in the first place.

But how can we prevent abuse?

when you abuse yourself....

2008-08-31T12:08:00.000-07:00

Anyhoo, the commercial shows a woman cleaning while a man's voice is heard berating her..."You call that clean? Blah blah blah," and then a man fixing a car while a woman's voice crushes him..."You think you can fix that? You can't do ANYTHING right! Blah blah blah blah blah!" And then there's the soothing professional voice urging people to get help, that verbal abuse is just as abusive and intolerable as physical abuse, that nobody should tolerate being treated like that, blah blah blah. Makes me feel all warm and gooey that we put out a good, sincere, hopefully helpful PSA addressing one of my personal crusades...

My question is this:

What does one do when the voice in their head constantly beating them up is their own?

visit this blog

Bullying-better spelled: cruelty

2008-08-28T11:51:00.000-07:00

I like Dr. Jo ann--why call it bullying when it is really cruelty????

StratfordStar.com • News • 'Connectedness' can overcome cruelty: "While others are crusading against bullying, Dr. Jo Ann Freiberg of the Connecticut Department of Education abhors the word.

Calling it a “four-letter word” that should be avoided, she told Stratford educators Monday to focus on a different term that better characterizes the behavior of some students toward peers — cruelty."

Kimorexia: No offense, but…

2008-05-04T06:23:00.000-07:00

You've got to read her post...

Kimorexia: No offense, but…: "'No offense, but...'

Don’t you hate when someone says that? It means they are going to say something offensive, doesn’t it? They know it's offensive, and say it anyway. It’s like a get out of jail free card. They’re supposed to get off free, while you’re left with the scars.

That phrase has some hostile cousins:

“You’re __________”, followed by “kidding!” (Not so funny at all!)

“You should know better than to take it personally! You know how I am!'

“You should know better than to take me seriously!”

“Geez, can’t you take a joke?”"

Linda Neely: Lessons in remembrance - Sean Kirst - syracuse.com

2008-05-04T06:09:00.000-07:00

They want to remember her--they want to teach children to recognize abuse. Good idea, but will it get off the ground?

Linda Neely: Lessons in remembrance - Sean Kirst - syracuse.com: "That's intended as a way of getting at the quiet and continuing national tragedy that Linda Neely illustrates: She was an involved mom, a PTO treasurer, a well-loved worker at a local adoption agency ... and many who knew her well had no idea that she spent years in an abusive situation. Domestic abuse - physical, verbal or behavioral - slices through divisions of class and income, and is often hidden behind the walls of a house.

Colleen O'Brien, a Vera House staff worker, said a finely-tuned curriculum in the schools could help to gently educate children about patterns they might not even recognize as abuse.

I would invite anyone who has reflections about Linda Neely, or about the lessons to be gained from her life, to share them by leaving them here, e-mailing me at skirst@syracuse.com or visiting the forum."

Workshop for Partners of Sex Addicts

2008-03-21T07:58:00.000-07:00

In April you will find a great workshop for partners of sex addicts in Arizona at the Meadows--read about at our site.

THE MEADOWS
1655 North Tegner Street
Wickenburg, Arizona 85390
800-632-3697
www.themeadows.com

Remember, many times the underlying cause of abuse is an addiction/obsession with sexual issues--read about this on our site if you suspect that might be the reason your abuser treats you so badly.

Unpacking and confusion | The Wordslinger, here to help you understand verbal abuse.

2008-01-19T07:29:00.000-08:00

Here's a woman who is just now beginning to understand what emotional and verbal abuse is all about--her story may help you decide is "abuse" applies in your relationship.

Unpacking and confusion | The Wordslinger, here to help you understand verbal abuse.: "He's due back today after 5 days away for work and I'm really not looking forward to it. I've taken time out of my usual routine of preparing for him to arrive (wake in a panic, frantically clean and organise the house to his liking) to seek support and advice here as his behaviour is not normal."

binh’s space » Blog Archive » Silence�The Ultimate Control and Power Over Another

2007-12-12T19:10:00.000-08:00

I love the differences between abuse and conflict--so many therapists think that both partners need to give a little and they treat abuse like a conflict--they don't realize it is a violation and needs to be stopped. Later the real conflicts can surface...

binh’s space » Blog Archive » Silence�The Ultimate Control and Power Over Another: "In describing verbal abuse it is a boundary violation, it is an intrusion upon another, or disregard of another in a relentless pursuit of Power Over, superiority and dominance by covert or overt means. In a conflict each person wants something different. However, in a conflict the parties discuss their wants, needs and seek a mutually win/win solution. While seeking the solution neither party forces, dominates or controls the other."

you are stupid, fat, lazy

2007-12-10T08:03:00.000-08:00

Yeah--been there and done that!

rozina: "5 years on, Julie and Scott are still together and Julies confidence is shot to pieces. Scott still tells her he loves her, from time to time, but spends a lot more time telling her how stupid, lazy, ugly and fat she is. And, of course, how lucky she is to have someone like him, because nobody else would want her. The sad thing is, she believes him totally. Shes been so brainwashed by him for so long. We live in a society where people habitually say rude, abrasive, sometimes clever, things to each other, which are often quite funny. But rude, abrasive words have the power to chip away at a person until they break them into small pieces."

Domestic Violence and Abuse: Signs and Symptoms of Abusive Relationships

2007-12-10T08:00:00.000-08:00

What I like most about this info is that is says that violence (verbal emotional) IS A CHOICE!

Domestic Violence and Abuse: Signs and Symptoms of Abusive Relationships: "Domestic abuse, also known as spousal abuse, occurs when one person in an intimate relationship or marriage tries to dominate and control the other person. An abuser doesn’t “play fair.” He uses fear, guilt, shame, and intimidation to wear you down and gain complete power over you. He may threaten you, hurt you, or hurt those around you. Domestic abuse that includes physical violence is called domestic violence. Victims of domestic abuse or domestic violence may be men or women, although women are more commonly victimized. This abuse happens among heterosexual couples and in same-sex partnerships. Except for the gender difference, domestic abuse doesn’t discriminate. It happens within all age ranges, ethnic backgrounds, and financial levels. The abuse may occur during a relationship, while the couple is breaking up, or after the relationship has ended. Despite what many people believe, domestic violence is not due to the abuser’s loss of control over his behavior. In fact, violence is a deliberate choice made by the abuser in order to take control over his wife or partner."

Exposing Online Predators & Cyberpaths: PUBLIC OUTCRY ON MEGAN MEIER CASE

2007-11-22T18:53:00.000-08:00

Cyber bullying is something we have to really take a look at How to punish cyberbully.

Exposing Online Predators & Cyberpaths: PUBLIC OUTCRY ON MEGAN MEIER CASE: "MEGAN MEIER SUICIDE ROUNDUP MEGAN MEIER - REACTIONS TO THE REACTIONS TO THE REACTIONS HOW TO PUNISH A CYBERBULLY CYBERPATH PUSHES GIRL TO SUICIDE Labels: criminal, cyberbullying, cyberpath, death, lori drew, megan meier, MySpace, online predators, suicide Fighter posted at 3:10 AM"

Exposing Online Predators & Cyberpaths: MYSPACE HOAX VICTIM'S FAMILY SEEKS JUSTICE

2007-11-22T18:24:00.000-08:00

Exposing Online Predators & Cyberpaths: MYSPACE HOAX VICTIM'S FAMILY SEEKS JUSTICE: "“She asked me to stop doing all of this,” she told Lauer. “I told her that we would not stop, that we were going to continue for justice for Megan because we knew what they did.” (sounds exactly like these predators - Click on each name for more information): * 'It was all just a game' Beckstead * 'I'm the victim here' Langley-Guy * 'If you loved me you'd stand by my lies' Thomas * 'They went in with their eyes wide open' except I lied to them - Gridney/ YidwithLid * 'It's all false - my wives set me up' Hicks * 'all women are whores' Dorsky... etc! Even when its done to VULNERABLE adults its WRONG. How dare you expose their cruelty! Right on Mr. & Mrs. Meier for speaking out on behalf of your child!)"

Escape Abuse!

2007-10-05T13:58:00.000-07:00

What a great service. Also this is a terrific blog for resources.

Escape Abuse!: "The ADT AWARE® program is a coordinated effort among ADT Security Services, representatives of local law enforcement agencies, prosecutor’s offices and battered women’s shelters. After these community groups have selected participants for the program, ADT donates and installs electronic security systems in the homes of victims of domestic violence. The systems include a hold-up alarm pendant, which can be worn or carried with the victim while in the home. In the event of an imminent attack, the victim can press the button on the pendant, sending an immediate, silent alarm to ADT, which in turn notifies the appropriate police agency. Law enforcement agencies participating in the AWARE® program have agreed to respond to these AWARE® alarms on a priority basis."

Abuse survivor to lead rescue -- chicagotribune.com

2007-09-21T06:28:00.000-07:00

I really like this story--this woman understands abuse and how it undermines even the most professional woman with resources--why don't they leave? she answers the questions....

Abuse survivor to lead rescue -- chicagotribune.com: "The worst part, she said, wasn't physical abuse but verbal tirades that chipped away at her self-esteem, along with a growing sense of isolation, which included his forbidding her from seeing her family. 'One Christmas my mother called, asking, if she couldn't be with her grandchildren, could I at least come over and pick up some gifts? I can't believe I allowed that to happen,' she said, her voice choked with emotion. So why wouldn't this professional woman with economic resources just pack up and leave? It's difficult for outsiders to understand, West said, ticking off a long list of reasons, from shame to an upbringing that included a reverence for loyalty (her parents have been married for more than 50 years) to the belief that maybe, just maybe, what the man had been telling her all these years was true: It was her fault. 'As scientists, we're trained to look at all sides...that you always have to open the door to other points of view,' she said. 'So, I kept thinking...if I didn't do whatever angered him, things would get better.'"

An abuser does an about face

2007-09-09T05:25:00.000-07:00

Progress, progress, I love proress

The Albert Lea Tribune: "“I know I hurt just about everyone I talked to then,” Haukoos said. “But now that I look back on it, I was a big loser. Nobody won. Everybody lost. I see that now.” As a graduate of Freeborn County’s Domestic Abuse Program, the 24-year-old man has completed a 27-week program designed to teach abusers the alternatives to the life they had been living — and to take accountability for their actions. Haukoos said the course, which is set up as a group program, has taught him invaluable skills that he will always remember. And though the dark thoughts that led to the abuse and the drug use still sometimes creep into his mind, he now recognizes them as they appear and knows the tools that he can use to make sure those thoughts don’t become actions — ever again."

Abusive Relationships - Dangerous Relationships - Domestic Violence - How To Spot A Dangerous Man

2007-09-09T05:20:00.000-07:00

You don't pick these men--they pick you!!!!

Abusive Relationships - Dangerous Relationships - Domestic Violence - How To Spot A Dangerous Man: "“DANGEROUS” is what he does to your soul 1. Have You Been Emotionally, Physically or Sexually Abused In Your Relationship with Your Dangerous Man?
2. Cheated On? More Than Once? Do You Keep Picking Cheaters?
3. Have You Dated Or Married Stalkers Or Predators?
4. Are You Attracted To Addicts, Abusive, Violent, or Married Men?
5. Have You Picked Men Who Are Mentally Ill?
6. Are You Tired Of Go-Nowhere Relationships With Married Men?
7. Do You Want To Know Why You Keep Picking These Kinds Of Men?"

Family conflict not necessarily domestic violence

2007-09-09T05:11:00.000-07:00

It's true that not every time the police are called, is it a true on-going abuse case. we do need more education and yes, the legal system is not stopping domestic, verbal and emotional abuse--not battering! Read this article. Robert has some good points.

SouthCoastToday.com: YOUR VIEW: New thinking is needed in response to domestic violence: "The use of the criminal justice system as the primary role of preventing family violence has not worked. The threat of arrest, incarceration and fines has not been enough to dissuade possible perpetrators from carrying through on their aggressive behavior. The dynamics of family violence are more subtle than can be dealt with in the right/wrong, perpetrator/victim processes and procedures that are part of law enforcement and the judicial system. The latter are essential when there is evidence that a clear crime has been committed, but most incidents of family violence do not meet the level of battering behavior. There is a growing body of research that recognizes that most of the family disputes in which the police become involved are not battering relationships (in which one person, whether male or female, whether heterosexual or homosexual, is attempting to control the other person through intimidation, threats and violence). Instead, most situations are what can be termed 'family conflict,' in which there can be disagreements, arguments, even some pushing and shoving and that might be part of a long-standing relationship or might be a one-time incident."

WIStv.com Columbia, SC: Evangelist speaks against domestic violence

2007-09-09T04:38:00.000-07:00

Finally! someone who is acknowledging that the abuser has done something that needs forgiving! Before we have been shamed into being seen as the guilty party for complaining aobut it or "breaking up the family". It's the abusers problem--he (or she) created it.

WIStv.com Columbia, SC: Evangelist speaks against domestic violence: "Evangelist Juanita Bynum's husband was recently arrested and accused of attacking her. For the first time since the incident happened she's talking about it. Evangelist Bynum made an appearance Tuesday night in Georgia. First to reporters in Buckhead, then to a national television audience, Bynam promised to be the 'new face of domestic violence.' 'Today, domestic violence has a face and it is Juanita Bynum.' Standing before cameras, Juanita Bynum declared she's not a damsel in distress, and wanted to say for the record. 'I forgive my husband and I wish him the best.'"

salleebuckley's Xanga Site

2007-09-05T15:40:00.000-07:00

this is an article worth reading. This is abuse in its rarest! Why would we start seeing a guy who called us a cunt the first time we met? we have to question ourselves in these situations.

salleebuckley's Xanga Site: "Shed sprained her ankle and a friend was half-supporting, half-carrying her. Despite the pain she couldnt help but notice the good looking guy waiting at the bus stop. Scott looked at her and his first words to her were that she was a drunken c**t. Julie thought that was hilarious. By the time she got off the bus they had exchanged phone numbers."

Equality called key to ending abuse

2007-09-05T15:28:00.000-07:00

We don't want to blame the victim--we don't want to blame the family, employer, or police. who is let to blame? Oh, the perpetrator!

We too often look for other causes--but one thing we will always say her at youareatarget.com is that if women want to stop abuse, they have to learn how to enforce the respect-me-rules. In order to be equal, we must act equal--remember, the only way people will walk on you is if you lay down! (pun intended)

Equality called key to ending abuse: "A high-profile review of domestic violence in Ontario puts too much blame on friends and families of victims and offers a bandage solution, a London women's advocate charges. 'There seems to be a shift away from holding the abuser accountable and now holding society accountable,' Megan Walker, head of the London Abused Women's Centre, said yesterday. 'No (ordinary people) can stop a man from killing a woman if that is what he wants to do.' The report, which highlights the need for more public education and awareness, misses the key point about domestic violence, she said."

It can happen to anyone

2007-09-01T09:24:00.000-07:00

Lots of times the affluent have a more difficult time admitting what is happening to them. read this for more info...

News: "Through July of this year, Cabot Police were dispatched on 315 domestic calls. Of those 315 calls, 81 resulted in an official police report and 66 of those involved actual domestic battery. Many people think that domestic abuse happens only in low income neighborhoods based upon what they see on television but officials say domestic abuse is not limited to the low income. In fact, police say that it is as common in the affluent neighborhoods as it is in the trailer parks. Even an affluent city like Cabot has its share of domestic abuse, local victims say. And Lucas says that Cabot crime statistics confirm that suspicion."

Debating Domestic Violence in Religion

2007-09-01T09:21:00.000-07:00

sosad that we have to worry about our religious leaders!

11Alive.com - Debating Domestic Violence in Religion: "The charges of domestic violence between the Bishop and his Evangelist wife have shaken the very bedrock of the nation's religious community, pulling back the veneer of faith in a very public way to reveal that even servants of God can be dealing with some very human emotions. “This shake-up of the church and our society in general is important because it shines light on a situation that needs to be addressed,' said Diamond Goodwin, another student at Spelman. School officials had young women like Goodwin and Perry in mind when they organized the forum. “Just trying to really make certain that their spirits are not wounded,” said Dr. Lisa Rhodes, the Dean of Spelman’s Sisters Chapel, where the event was held. “We can help them to understand that violence against women occurs inside the church and outside the church and violence against women is a global issue; and to see religious leaders involved in violence hopefully does not disillusion them.'"

Victim Talks About Surviving Domestic Abuse

2007-08-29T15:30:00.000-07:00

ABC 13 - Victim Talks About Surviving Domestic Abuse: "Eley - 'I'll hug them, and listen to them.' And, in the end, she believes her story will help save them. As long as they find the strength to save themselves. Eley - 'I see hope. But, I think they need to see determination.' The Domestic Violence Prevention Center, where Betty Eley works, has a number of warning signs and methods for fighting back. Click here for a link to their website."

Organization gives Texas teenagers red flags on relationship violence

2007-08-09T07:38:00.000-07:00

Yeah for texas. the sooner we begin teaching our young people that they need to respect themselves and not allow anyone tomistreat them--as son as we teach them it is NOT ok to abuse a partner, we will help stem this abusive tide--

Killeen Daily Herald - Organization gives Texas teenagers red flags on relationship violence: "Red Flags, formed by the Texas Council on Family Violence, was organized to inform teens and young adults about how to spot and deal with dating violence.

Dating violence isn't always about physical abuse; it's a pattern of abusive behaviors – some physical, some emotional – that one person uses to control another in a relationship.

A recent survey by the Texas Council on Family Violence polled more than 900 young Texans on their attitudes toward and experiences with dating violence behaviors, ranging from controlling actions to physical harm.

Fifty percent of the respondents reported personally experiencing dating violence, whether as the target or abuser. Two out of five teens and young adults said they've experienced verbal abuse. One out of four reported physical violence, and one out of five reported sexual violence."

Organization gives Texas teenagers red flags on relationship violence

2007-08-09T07:26:00.000-07:00

Good for texas! If we begin training young people to watch out for these things, we will have a lot fewer abusers and fewer partners who will allow abusive partners in their lives.

illeen Daily Herald - Organization gives Texas teenagers red flags on relationship violence: "Red Flags, formed by the Texas Council on Family Violence, was organized to inform teens and young adults about how to spot and deal with dating violence.

Dating violence isn't always about physical abuse; it's a pattern of abusive behaviors – some physical, some emotional – that one person uses to control another in a relationship.

A recent survey by the Texas Council on Family Violence polled more than 900 young Texans on their attitudes toward and experiences with dating violence behaviors, ranging from controlling actions to physical harm.

Fifty percent of the respondents reported personally experiencing dating violence, whether as the target or abuser. Two out of five teens and young adults said they've experienced verbal abuse. One out of four reported physical violence, and one out of five reported sexual violence."

Exposing Online Predators & Cyberpaths: CALL FOR INFORMATION: NATHAN ERNEST BURL THOMAS, JR. - ON THE RUN!

2007-08-06T19:55:00.000-07:00

The more we tell the more women we will be able to help--when you keep the secrets, they keep going. Don't keep it secret--the abuse in your life should be out in the open, for you, for them, for us!

Exposing Online Predators & Cyberpaths: CALL FOR INFORMATION: NATHAN ERNEST BURL THOMAS, JR. - ON THE RUN!: "Nathan Ernest Burl Thomas Jr, aka Nathan E B Thomas Jr., date of birth 03-DEC-1952, born in Arkansas, uses the online dating sites, pen pal sites, etc. to find vulnerable women!

His MODUS OPERANDI is always the same:
He tells his targets he is a widower from a Puerto Rican woman called Felicia, who passed away of cancer some years ago - (we sell fake Kleenex for all those who have cried hearing this fake story) – and he will fake a strong sadness for this imaginary woman.

After some time, probably after meeting the target, he loves bomb his “woman target” and starts a torrid relationship. He flies to the “victim's” country or pays for his victims to fly to meet him as well. It’s a perfect romance copied from the best love story out there.

He acts like a gentleman, fakes ethics & religiousness, helps old ladies on the street, loves children, gives money to beggars!!!

You will NEVER see his 'house' - he will always stay in a hotel with you."

relate this to the Micheal vick story below!

2007-08-06T10:41:00.000-07:00

THE ABUSIVE MARRIAGE: "It's as if society expects abused women to think and act as mentally healthy, stable human beings, while scoffing at what could possibly be wrong with such a person who would stay in an abusive relationship. She's already fully aware that no one understands her and that she is judged and ostracized. Yet, she is expected to courageously and confidently embark upon a whole new life for herself in a society which looks down their noses at her, whispers and laughs behind her back, and avoids contact with her as if she has the plague.

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In a society so technically advanced, educated and so concerned with Constitutional Rights and 'political-correctness', we should be ashamed that our women and children are still treated just a little less than human. Oh, we hear plenty talk about stopping child abuse, but when an instance is reported, rarely is anything done, and nothing is heard, until the child is dead. And women who find themselves in abusive relationships are always blamed by the abuser, and then blamed by society for not 'just leaving', judged by those who have no idea what they would do in the same situation. It's so easy to say I would do this or I would do that, but... until the thing has actually happened to you, you do not know what you would do."

We treat dogs better than women

2007-08-06T08:17:00.000-07:00

GREAT article and bravo to Mike Bianchi for this fabulous sports commentary!

Ignoring domestic abuse is the shame of the sports world -- OrlandoSentinel.com: "If only Michael Vick had been arrested for abusing women instead of dogs.

He'd still be on the football field today.

He'd still have the love and adoration of his fans.

And, yes, he'd still have his Nike deal.

Such is the shame of professional sports.

Dogs are treated with more respect than women.

'It makes me angry that the sports world gets outraged when an athlete tortures a dog, but nobody says a word when an athlete abuses his wife or girlfriend,' says Carol Wick, who operates Harbor House, a local shelter for battered women and children. 'Not that we shouldn't be outraged by animal abuse, but shouldn't we be just as outraged with spousal abuse?'

Actually, shouldn't we be more outraged?"

Representative Mark Olson and 'Battered Husband Syndrome'

2007-08-06T08:12:00.000-07:00

Boy, are their hot stories today--my blogging fingers are smok'in. Here is a story about the battered male! Well, it's true. Many men suffer at the verbal abuse of their wives and girlfriends (and battering). This is a story worth reading about Mark Olson...

MND: News and Commentary Since 2001 » Representative Mark Olson and 'Battered Husband Syndrome': "Representative Mark Olson (R-MN) was arrested in November of last year on domestic assault charges. According to the news reports, the charges stemmed from an argument with his wife of three or four years, Heidi. Heidi has five children from a previous marriage, and the argument was over one of her children, who is described as autistic.

What's most interesting about this case is that Mr. Olson's attorney decided (from what the newspapers report) to use a defense of 'battered husband's syndrome' at his trial. You rarely hear about this defense being used by a man, though often it is used as a defense for women who are charged with a felony or murder of their intimate partners.

Rep. Olson was charged with two misdemeanor domestic assault charges, one of intending to cause her to fear bodily harm and a more serious charge of harming or intending to harm her. He testified that Heidi was the one that instigated the abuse that led to his arrest. He also testified tearfully that she had been verbally threatening and at times physically abusive throughout their marriage.

Read more about the abuse he says he endured here.

The jury found Rep. Olson guilty of the lesser charge and acquitted him of the more serious charge. After the verdict, Rep."

JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness: More Verbal Abuse

2007-08-06T08:07:00.000-07:00

Here is a blog from a woman with the same name as my daughter "Karma". She is just now beginning to wake up to what abuse is and we want to help her learn how to put a stop to it NOW. Drop by her blog and send some encouraging words.

JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness: More Verbal Abuse: "More Verbal Abuse

Augh! I don't know if I would have realized what was going on without some of your comments. But, Jerry has kept up with these negative remarks about me, making fun of me, responding negatively whenever I try to communicate with him, ignoring me when I feel emotional at all about my Mom....

So, I sent him the below email:"

blog.myspace.com/angelstar8083

2007-08-06T07:31:00.000-07:00

thank you Angel star for making this avaialb.e I think it's the first time that MySpace has been blogged by us.

blog.myspace.com/angelstar8083: "Nobody has the right to abuse anyone else, ever.

Many women [or men] think or believe, that if they are not being physically harmed by their partner, then they are not being abused. This is far from true. If you are in a relationship which is draining something from you... you might not have recognized that your partner is eroding your self-esteem and happiness through verbal, mental, emotional and other forms of abuse.

The following is a list of ways to tell if someone is abusing you without physically touching you:"

The Healing Art of Communication - by Ayal Hurst

2007-08-04T21:20:00.000-07:00

A great site with lots of good info sent to us from one of our readers, Andrea G.

thanks, Andrea, this will help a lot of our "students" for the tutorial.

The Healing Art of Communication - by Ayal Hurst: "Violence comes from the belief that other people cause our pain and therefore deserve punishment. The cause of our feelings is located in our own thinking. For instance, if a person says to another: 'You doubt me all the time,' what is that person really thinking and feeling? What they are really feeling is the following: 'I am feeling insecure. I don't know if I trust my own competence and I am needing to know that I do things well.'

What messages are conveyed to the other person in the statement 'You doubt me all the time!'? Projection, guilt, shame.... you're wrong for doing this, it's your fault I feel this way, etc. In order to be able to relate to another and not blame them for what goes on for us, we have to shine the light of consciousness on our own feelings and discover what we are really feeling and needing."

Advocate's past helps her reach abuse victims

2007-07-20T19:12:00.000-07:00

There are so many us that can be advocates becasue we have been there--we are each other's family and best freinds--some of us go professinal but most just reach out to the others behind us--Krystal is an inspiration to all of us--read her story:

Advocate's past helps her reach abuse victims: "Now enrolled in graduate school at Seattle University, she works as a legal advocate for mothers and children at a south King County domestic violence shelter. Her own experience is a powerful reminder about how children are affected by domestic violence, she says.

Counseling through Youth Eastside Services is an equally powerful reminder of how important another voice can be in helping a child cope with the emotional trauma of domestic violence, she says.

It's why she speaks out on behalf of the group whenever she gets the opportunity."

angerarchive: A Biblical View of verbal abuse

2007-07-16T06:34:00.000-07:00

Finally, a man we can be proud of when it ocmes to religion and verbal abuse! What a great article! I recommend reading this for sure!

angerarchive: A Biblical View of verbal abuse: "t is not God's will for you (or your friend) to be in a verbally abusive relationship. Those angry and critical words will destroy your confidence and self-esteem. Being submissive in a marriage relationship (Ephesians 5:22) does not mean allowing yourself to be verbally beaten by your partner. 1 Peter 3:1 does teach that wives, by being submissive to their husbands, may win them to Christ by their behavior. But it does not teach that they must allow themselves to be verbally or physically abused.

Here are some key biblical principles. First, know that God loves you. The Bible teaches, 'The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.' (Psalm 34:18)

Second, deal with your feelings of guilt. You may be feeling that the problems in your marriage are your fault. 'If only I would do better, he wouldn't be so angry with me.' The Bible teaches in Psalm 51:6 that 'Surely You desire truth in the inner parts; You teach me wisdom in the inmost place.' Even though you may have feelings of guilt, you may not be the guilty party. I would recommend you read my article on the subject of false guilt.{5}"

Psychological Distress Are Recipe for Higher Unemployment

2007-07-13T13:54:00.000-07:00

This is something we don't think about often--how verbal and domestic abuse affect the employability of the target of the abuse!

Newswise Social and Behavioral Sciences News | Domestic Violence, Psychological Distress Are Recipe for Higher Unemployment: "The study found that domestic violence had no effect on welfare use before or after the legislation was enacted. It also did not have an effect on employment before the new law was passed, but afterward the likelihood of being unemployed increased if there was a history of domestic violence during the transition to adulthood.

“When you are an adolescent mother and have violence in your relationship it sets you up for problems down the road,” said Taryn Lindhorst, lead author of the study and a UW assistant professor of social work. “Domestic violence has an accumulative effect over time so that abused women were less likely to work. After the change in welfare policy, women who were abused were less likely to be employed compared to teenage mothers who were not abused.”"

Fighting Bigamy: Serial Bigamist Ed Hicks Online Trolling For His Next Victim

2007-06-24T16:44:00.000-07:00

This guy is sooo ugly, I can't understand how women fall for it? I had a guy just recently zero in on me, but he was handsome and charming. I made one date and then some people let me know that he targets women with a few prospects and lives off them until they catch on. He claims to be a gold miner with a rich mine---Huh--fortunately I LISTEN now when other women tell me about guys I meet. I used to think, "not me" or I can change this guy--its nice to finally grow up!

Lets help some other women grow up and spread the work about Hicks!

Fighting Bigamy: Serial Bigamist Ed Hicks Online Trolling For His Next Victim: "Serial bigamist Charles 'Ed' Hicks just won't stop. He is back online trolling for women in the Sumter, SC (29150) area. You can read one of his latest ads online, and his ID on this dating site is Kitesurfer06. He also has an ad on Singles.net and is id is sailorboy69. He is a featured member on Singles.net, which means he has paid for the ad; he is also using 'Charles' instead of Ed. His full name is Charles Edward Hicks. He is also on Mate1as Windsurfer00, AdultFriendFinder as Beachman01951, and on True.com as islandhopper00."

MyFox St. Louis | Text: FOX Files: Husband Abuse

2007-05-24T09:30:00.000-07:00

It does work both ways--it is not always men abusing women--this is so sad.

MyFox St. Louis | Text: FOX Files: Husband Abuse:

A Fox files exclusive report sheds light on what really happened when a Belleville woman beat her live in ex-husband to death with a bat. This case of domestic violence sheds new light on women abusing men.

Joann Godt tortured Jay Godt. Police say she cut his genitals, pulled his teeth out and eventually beat him to death. Neighbors witnessed the verbal and physical attacks outside their mobile home in Belleville. If Jay didn't mow the lawn correctly, neighbors say she punched him in the head with her fist. Co-workers at the Belleville News Democrat noticed Jay looked bad. He was hospitalized about six weeks before he died. Police could tell he had been beaten then, but Jay blamed a neighbor."

SJ-R.COM - Senate approves bill to protect pets in domestic abuse cases

2007-05-23T15:41:00.000-07:00

YEAH!!!!!!

SJ-R.COM - Senate approves bill to protect pets in domestic abuse cases

House Bill 9, which passed the Senate on Tuesday, isn’t aimed only at curbing animal abuse, said Sen. William Haine, D-Alton, who sponsored the legislation in the Senate.

“Many of these acts are not only cruelty to animals, but they’re directed as part of an effort of domestic violence against someone who’s gone to court for an order of protection or seeking a divorce or whatever,” he said. “Frequently the pets are a target in order to direct stress and terror against the person who’s brought the petition.”

As Madison County state’s attorney for 14 years, Haine said, “we saw several situations where family pets were destroyed - killed - by people who were using them as a way to commit domestic violence against their boyfriend or girlfriend.”

The legislation allows a judge to order the person named in the order of protection to “stay away from the animal and forbid (him or her) from taking, transferring, encumbering, concealing, harming or otherwise disposing of the animal.”

It was supported by the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals, along with the Coalition Against Domestic Violence.

A news release the ASPCA issued after the vote said 71 percent of pet-owning women in domestic violence shelters reported that a family pet had been threatened, injured or killed by their abuser.

“Victims of domestic violence should never have to fear for their pets’ safety when making the decision to leave a violent situation,” Ed Sayres, president and CEO of the ASPCA, said in the statement.

When Is It Okay Under HIPAA to Report Domestic Violence?

2007-05-23T07:25:00.000-07:00

I really dont bleive in secrets and I don't bleive in keeping the abusers secrets. the whole site trys to encourage peole to stop the secret keeping--but anturally there are exceptions and that has to be on a case by case basis--reach about what health care professionals face everyday with the secret keeping aspect of health care

When Is It Okay Under HIPAA to Report Domestic Violence?: "With or without a victim's request, protected health information (PHI) is not protected if a crime was involved, Stark found. 'Our attorney told us that if we feel that a patient is in danger, we have every right to report it [and] we could probably be held liable if we didn't.'

But there is a twist. Stark says caregivers want to be cautious and not jump to conclusions or make false accusations. 'You wouldn't want to do anything.that would prevent patients from seeking care because they might start to think that every time they come in, their privacy is going to be breached.'

Jon Burke, a consultant on privacy and security issues, agrees. He says a hospital should take advantage of all the options it has before contacting police. 'If a patient comes in with a variety of wound patterns that show an abuse context, it is a no-brainer: Make the call,' he tells RPP. But, he says, 'in a normal hospital, there is a psychiatrist on call or a social worker on call. Before you put someone in the system, you really need to consider [those options].. Try to relate to what you would do in the course of normal life. Knowing what you know, how likely would you be to report this? If you know that someone is beating the hell out of somebody else, yeah, report it. But if you're not sure, then ask."

‘Culture’ no excuse for black kids’ verbal abuse

2007-05-21T08:00:00.000-07:00

Abuse often begins in the home where we are taught that it is OK to control others by verbal and emotional abuse. It is certainly true in some rap music, even some country western music! It is true in some religions, and very true in authoritarian families where men believe they are above their women--to make matters worse, when we comply to make it better--we train them that abuse works!

What do you think of the school officials excusing the verbal abuse saying that the teacher ought to learn to live with it?

www.kansascity.com | 05/20/2007 | ‘Culture’ no excuse for black kids’ verbal abuse: "The case concerned Elizabeth Kandrac, who was routinely verbally abused by black students at Brentwood Middle School in North Charleston. Their slurs make Don Imus look like a church deacon.

Nevertheless, despite frequent complaints, school officials did nothing to intervene on Kandrac’s behalf, arguing the racially charged profanity was simply part of the students’ culture. If Kandrac couldn’t handle cursing, school officials told her, she was in the wrong school.

Kandrac finally filed a complaint with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission and subsequently sued the Charleston County School District, the school’s principal and an associate superintendent. Last fall, jurors found that the school was a racially hostile environment to teach in and that the district retaliated against Kandrac for complaining about it."

Tami Brady- Regaining Control

2007-05-16T07:15:00.000-07:00

Tami has written a book and it is worth taking a look at--regain control? Yes, let's learn to take back our lvies!

Tami Brady- Home Page: "Keep on Trying

Lie Low.

Keep my resolve High.

If I keep on trying.

I will make it there...eventually.

(Excerpt from From Lost to Found)"

U.S. Presence in Iraq Promotes Muslim Feminism - FOX Fan

2007-05-12T21:33:00.000-07:00

Something to thin about!

FOXNews.com - U.S. Presence in Iraq Promotes Muslim Feminism - FOX Fan: "But no culture can truly celebrate mothers, unless they first respect women. In the United States, women hold top positions in government, law, academia, business, and even the military. Democrats claim to be the favorite of America’s women. Indeed, polling data shows that upwards of 55 percent of American women vote Democratic in national elections. And Nancy Pelosi, the first woman Speaker of the House of Representatives, insists that Democrats care about 'women’s rights.' Unfortunately, if Ms. Pelosi and her Democrat Party allies have their way, 650 million women around the globe may well be abandoned to the most misogynistic abuse imaginable at the hands of radical Islamists."

Verbal Abuse: It's About Control - Associated Content

2007-05-10T20:15:00.000-07:00

Verbal Abuse: It's About Control - Associated Content: "Alec Baldwin's verbal abuse phone call brings up many things concerning proper parenting techniques. Just because your parents treated you in the same manner does not make it right to do the same to your kids."

You Are Not Crazy - Listen to What Verbal Abuse Really Sounds Like.

2007-05-08T06:40:00.000-07:00

I have found a site I'm crazy about! Please go here and check it out--there's a bit of a learning curve--but Elieen has put up a "quiz" that is actually a tutorial. I would encourage all of you who have done our tutorial at YouAreATarget.com to go through hers--Great job Elieen!!!

You Are Not Crazy - Listen to What Verbal Abuse Really Sounds Like.

Jewish Survivors of Sexual Violence Speak Out: Verbal beatings hurt as much as sexual abuse

2007-05-03T09:14:00.000-07:00

We already knew this but its nice that Harvard is coming on board!

Jewish Survivors of Sexual Violence Speak Out: Verbal beatings hurt as much as sexual abuse: "Sticks and stones may break my bones,
But names will never hurt me. …

That often repeated children’s rhyme is wrong, according to Harvard University psychiatrists. Scolding, swearing, yelling, blaming, insulting, threatening, ridiculing, demeaning, and criticizing can be as harmful as physical abuse, sexual abuse outside the home, or witnessing physical abuse at home, notes a report in the April issue of the Harvard Mental Health Letter.

The report suggests that, when verbal abuse is constant and severe, it creates a risk of post-traumatic stress disorder, the same type of psychological collapse experienced by combat troops in Iraq. The research on which the report is based points out that children who are the target of frequent verbal mistreatment exhibit higher rates of physical aggression, delinquency, and social problems than other children."

The View of Prevention Advocates on the Alec Baldwin Verbal Abuse Case

2007-04-27T11:06:00.000-07:00

Maybe if we stopped allowing partners to abuse us with words and neglect, we would have a better chance that it would not extend to our kids. Verbal and emotional abuse boils down to respect for each of us--why do we think we can treat our loved ones so shabbily? More importantly, why do adults allow their partners to do it to them?

The View of Prevention Advocates on the Alec Baldwin Verbal Abuse Case: "Emotional abuse - which can involve belittling, criticizing, and ignoring - is child abuse, plain and simple. Even divorced parents need to work together to make sure their children are protected from it. Emotional abuse can happen when a parent is under stress and does not know how to properly manage that stress;"

True You Recovery -Learning to ditch secrete keeping

2007-04-21T08:55:00.000-07:00

i don't beleive in keeping secrets becasue i think it is the single greatest destoryer of familes and marriages. I bleive in not keeping our own and not keeping theirs! Keeping their secrets is enabling--a friend has written a book that you must read! check it out!

True You Recovery - Enriching life through personal growth and recovery!: "For three decades, author and counselor John Howard Prin lived as a Secret Keeper®, and his secret addictions escalated to near catastrophe. Since breaking the habit, he has directly experienced the rewards of successful recovery — whole-mindedness and renewed integrity. In these pages, he offers compelling true stories and practical exercises to empower readers to break their secret-keeping® habit or help a loved one caught in a web of deception.

The first half of the book explores the human tendency to keep secrets, profiling a variety of secret keepers from all walks of life. The second half provides a clear, step-by-step approach to healing, rebuilding self-esteem, and living a healthy, secret-free life."

A.G. proposes dating violence education

2007-03-23T08:20:00.000-07:00

It would be so great to teach our young people to stand up for themselves right from the beginning!

The Pawtucket Times - A.G. proposes dating violence education: "All school districts in the state could soon be providing dating-violence education to middle and high school students.
Attorney General Patrick Lynch unveiled the Lindsay Ann Burke Act Thursday, a bill that would mandate schools to teach students in health education classes about the dangers of dating violence.
The bill is named for Burke, a North Kingstown native and Rhode Island College graduate, who was 23 in September of 2005 when she was murdered by her former boyfriend in his Warwick home. He was found guilty in January and is awaiting sentencing."

Reasons to stay and reasons to leave

2007-03-22T07:33:00.000-07:00

Sanctuary for the abused is one of my favorite resources when discussing abusive situations. The owner has LOTS of great info. the latest is a letter to Rachel looking at abuse ina Jewish marriage and how it came about--how peole don't see it before the knot is tied. Read about it:

SANCTUARY FOR THE ABUSED: "Everyone checks up on hashkafah, yichus, education and wealth – but the most crucial detail is often overlooked: a hot temper. Men (or women) hide it well when dating, for obvious reasons.

It manifested itself after our engagement, but I was too embarrassed to break it off. Big mistake.

My father, a”h, a kind, gentle man, never raised his voice to my mother. My husband would yell at me over any triviality, often in public. My parents kept telling me to be nicer, more giving, to avoid instigating his wrath. But there is no perfection good enough for such a person.

If his income was limited, it was I who couldn’t manage.
If the children misbehaved, it was I who didn’t raise them properly.
If the house wasn’t perfectly neat and clean, it was I who wasn’t doing my job well.
His short fuse was always lit, ready to blow at any moment.
"

The Teachings of Toads

2007-03-22T07:28:00.000-07:00

Verbal abuse can be one of our greatest lessons--go read april's blog on toads and what we canlearn from them!

AskApril Blog» Blog Archive » The Teachings of Toads: "Guys like this learn early on that they make the decisions and bark the orders while people around them scramble to meet their approval. Unfortunately that bar goes higher and higher, always out of reach, until the wife stops trying to grasp it and just turns away throwing bitterness at the gallantly misinformed bar holder. He’s mad. She’s mad. The roles are so entrenched, damsel and knight, that to restructure them into a working partnership is all but impossible.

Although painful, it’s easy enough logistically for women to remove themselves from the situation. The emotional clutches are a different story. In my friend’s case, there are four minor children involved as well as her own spirit, crushed after entrusting it to someone who misused the power he was given. To this day it frustrates her that he is able to re-crumple her self worth with hateful accusations and appraisals. He, of course, does it because he’s incapable of seeing his part in pushing her away. It’s more comfortable for him to continue manipulating her through blame and tossing failure, like a hot potato, into her hands.

But painful as it’s been for her she’s learning about herself and beginning to understand his motives. And those are all rooted in fear, insecurity and lack of insight. "

Pets & Domestic Abuse-TAKE the DOG!

2007-03-22T07:21:00.000-07:00

Don't stay becasue your partner says they will hurt the animals (or neglect them). but don't leave the little guys either. You may be able to get help with your pet if yo decide to leave. Here's what one county is doing.

Live 5 news - Local News - Pets & Domestic Abuse: "A domestic abuse counseling expert tells us abusers use animals as a method of controlling a victim, often threatening the safety of the pet. Often times shelters for battered women do not allow animals and victims are scared to leave their pets behind.

The correlation between animal abuse and domestic violence is well documented by organizations like the Humane Society. In 2004, a study was done at domestic violence shelters across the country. It found that 91% of adult victims and 73% of child victim say their pets were abused as well.

Noting that connection, organization across the country including the John Ancrum SPCA are helping battered women and their pets by offering to keep them safe while a woman is in a shelter.

If you are in an abusive situation and have a pet, when you prepare to leave, the Humane Society says take your pets vaccination records, identification, medication and proof of ownership with you.
"

Abuse Bowl? True or False?

2007-02-04T09:23:00.000-08:00

: "Back in Jan. 28, 1993, three days before the Super Bowl game at the Rose Bowl in Pasadena, Calif., a press conference was held by a coalition of women's groups. Calif. Senator Sheila Kuehl, then the director of the California Women's Law Center, said beatings and hospital admissions rose 40 percent in northern Virginia after the Redskins won the Super Bowl in 1989. She cited a study done by Virginia's Old Dominion University in 1990."

Go read the artical. Most police and shelter personnel say this is not true! Good, I don't want to believe it anyway!

Extra Resources, for abuse

2007-02-04T09:14:00.000-08:00

Resources, statistics - Newsday.com: "RESOURCES

Sakhi Helpline: 212-868-6741 sakhi.org

The Domestic Harmony Committee at The Islamic Center of Long Island 24 hour hotline: 516-942-2081 icliny.org/pages/page6.htm

Turning Point, a community- based, nonprofit organization addressing the needs of Muslim women and children through crisis intervention, individual and group counseling, advocacy, outreach, education and training. Helpline: 718-883-9400 turningpoint-ny.org

Suffolk County Coalition Against Domestic Violence Hotline: 631-666-8833 sccadv.org

Nassau County Coalition Against Domestic Violence 516-572-0700 Hotline: 516-542-0404 cadvnc.org

National Domestic Violence Hotline Hotline: 800-799-7233 ndvh.org"

MotherJones.com | MoJo Blog - Social Issues and Political Commentary: Abused Women Have Higher Health Care Costs and More Health Care Visits

2007-02-02T09:34:00.000-08:00

MotherJones.com | MoJo Blog - Social Issues and Political Commentary: Abused Women Have Higher Health Care Costs and More Health Care Visits: "A new study shows that women who experience spouse or partner abuse have much higher health care costs and utilize more health care services than women who have no history of such violence. Years after abuse stops, these women continue to use the health care system more and to incur higher costs.

The abuse discussed in the study includes not only overt physical abuse, but also threats, controlling behavior and verbal abuse. Of the 3,333 women, aged 18 to 64, those who had been abused had 19% higher annual health care costs than other women. This group also had17% more primary health care visits, 14% more specialist visits, and 27% more prescription refills."

2007 Weblog Awards - Blog Of The Day Awards - Top Blog Awards: SANCTUARY FOR THE ABUSED - Best Blog - Top Blogs - Best Blog Awards - blogofthedayaward

2007-02-01T11:27:00.000-08:00

Congradulations Fighter!!! We love you and love the service you do for all of us. You deserve this award and we are behind you 100%. after you hcekc out fighter's award, take a look at ther comment at the end of the FAQ section. Her input is invaluable, thanks Fighter!

2007 Weblog Awards - Blog Of The Day Awards - Top Blog Awards: SANCTUARY FOR THE ABUSED - Best Blog - Top Blogs - Best Blog Awards - blogofthedayawards.blogspot.com - 2007 blog awards weblog awards: "2007 Weblog Awards - Blog Of The Day Awards - Top Blog Awards: SANCTUARY FOR THE ABUSED

Blog of the Day Awards for Wednesday January 31 2007

A Blog of the Day Award goes to SANCTUARY FOR THE ABUSED Articles, clickable links & resources on verbal, psychological & emotional abuse and personality disorders. "

Groups offer a helping hand: When holidays aren't the most wonderful time

2006-12-15T18:41:00.000-08:00

Groups offer a helping hand: When holidays aren't the most wonderful time: "To help kids deal with the myriad of emotions that accompany abuse, be it financial, emotional, verbal, or physical, the YWCA’s Domestic Abuse Services program offers private and group counseling sessions, as well as special seasonal outings with trained volunteers from local high schools.

Throughout December, for example, teen volunteers have been taking groups of kids on ice-skating trips to rinks in surrounding towns.

“It’s easier for the child, especially in an outside activity, to go to a different town,” Ms. Adam said. “You don’t want to really draw attention to the fact the kids are with volunteers or are victims of domestic abuse.”

The YWCA has also offered sessions where kids and volunteers make gingerbread houses — something that helps children experience the joy of the holidays and open up to people they can trust.

“Two things happen: They’re able to be children and they’re able to team up with a positive role model,” Ms. Adams said.

She said this type of “play therapy” is a big part of the YWCA’s approach, since children are sometimes more comfortable talking about their feelings when they’re wearing a mask or playing with dolls.
"

Verbal Abuse fo sale

2006-12-15T18:35:00.000-08:00

Well, you gotta laugh!

blog.myspace.com/entertainmentearth: "Verbal Abuse for Sale! Get Some While You Can!

Do you need more verbal abuse in your life?

If you need to feel some level of scorn, but don't want to have to ask someone to yell at you, why not try the Monty Python Abuse Keychain? This tiny battery-powered device has seven buttons, each with unique sound effects from the classic comedy sketches and films of Monty Python.

Highlights include such classics as:

'You don't frighten us, English pig dogs. Go and boil your bottoms, you sons of a silly person.'

'Your type really makes me puke, you vacuous, coffee-nosed, maloderous, pervert!'

'Death awaits you all! With nasty, big, pointy teeth.'
"

Stick and Stones....

2006-12-15T18:32:00.000-08:00

Bedford Times-Mail Online News - Marriage and Family Alliance: Words can hurt just as much as sticks and stones: "Occasionally, wounds spur us on to be stronger, bolder, more caring, more compassionate, more loving because of the way we were hurt. Most often, verbal abuse has the opposite effect, resulting in low self esteem, anger, bitterness and lack of motivation. This deteriorates into self-inflicted wounding evidenced by indulging in alcohol, sexual exploitation, teen pregnancies, drug use, gambling, dropping out of high school, working menial jobs, poverty, domestic violence and crime.

Think of your own words, the ones that have not been encouraging. Is it too late to repair the damage? No. You can start with a heartfelt apology, asking for forgiveness. By making an apology and seeking forgiveness, we allow God to do what seems to be impossible: healing those inner wounds of our hearts."

Ochuk’s blog

2006-12-12T08:08:00.000-08:00

Love this take-sort of a light hearted look at verbal abuse. We have to laugh about sometimes!

Ochuk’s blog: "So I see there are a lot of books out there on the so-called “five love languages.” Hmmm. Let’s see, teenagers, family, couples, apology, children, singles, men, and God. What? No spousal abuse? I guess I will have to write that one."

Respect-me R.U.L.E.S

Teaching little girls the difference between love and abuse

How to Verbally Confront Someone Using Verbal Abuse: 5 steps - wikiHow

Killing me softly with his words

Verbal abuse on tape

Music Video: Warrior in Me (Lori Crandall)

Dream Analysis and Interpretation - Understanding Dreams

When to talk to kids about sexual abuse? - CBS 42 Birmingham, AL News Weather Sports

Its treathening consider verbal abuse? | CafeMom Answers

Verbal Abuse: Is Your Relationship Verbally Abusive?

Yes women need to be better protected in domestic violence, Mr. Clegg, but so do men

top ten list of the holiday traditions I happily leave in my past.

verbal abuse and The Closer

Respect begins at home!

BrainWashers

A subtle, yet serious, form of emotional abuse

Respect-Me R.U.L.E.S-Workshop

Recommendation For If You Decide to Call Out Verbal Abuse

Introducing Myself

questions_answers 1

Publisher's Poster Page for book is up!

Abusers begin as Bullies--See DATELINE's new report

Putting a Stop to Verbal and Emotional Abuse | Radio Show Blog - HealthyPlace

My Verbally Abusive Marriage

New Safety options in IE browsing

Posture has an effect on the way others treat you!

Sexual Abuse, Physical Abuse, Psychological Abuse - HealthyPlace

Respect-Me R.U.L.E.S

Respect-Me R.U.L.E.S

Alcohol Ranked Most Harmful Drug

10 Passive Aggressive Cut-outs :Recovery Is Sexy.com

Portraying domestic abuse in song

"A.A. Thoughts For Today" ~ Blog changes Daily: Thoughts For The Day~*~Amends ^*^*^*^*^ October 2, 2010

Free Reconsrtuctive Surgery

Accidental advocates of domestic violence prevention » Ventura County Star

Effective Self Defense For Women: Emotional Abuse, Verbal Abuse - The Very Early Warning Signs

There is all types of abuse - THE DIVA WITHIN

How To Find Your Soul Mate & Your Self - Part 4

Abuse can be subtle but destructive none the less

Free Wall Hanging

Gary Zukav Quotes - Authentic Power, Soul Evolution : Pearls Of Wisdom

Alzheimer's - verbal abuse

Every one must fight abuse...

when you abuse yourself....

Bullying-better spelled: cruelty

Kimorexia: No offense, but…

Linda Neely: Lessons in remembrance - Sean Kirst - syracuse.com

Workshop for Partners of Sex Addicts

Unpacking and confusion | The Wordslinger, here to help you understand verbal abuse.

binh’s space » Blog Archive » Silence�The Ultimate Control and Power Over Another

you are stupid, fat, lazy

Domestic Violence and Abuse: Signs and Symptoms of Abusive Relationships

Exposing Online Predators & Cyberpaths: PUBLIC OUTCRY ON MEGAN MEIER CASE

Exposing Online Predators & Cyberpaths: MYSPACE HOAX VICTIM'S FAMILY SEEKS JUSTICE

Escape Abuse!

Abuse survivor to lead rescue -- chicagotribune.com

An abuser does an about face

Abusive Relationships - Dangerous Relationships - Domestic Violence - How To Spot A Dangerous Man

Family conflict not necessarily domestic violence

WIStv.com Columbia, SC: Evangelist speaks against domestic violence

salleebuckley's Xanga Site

Equality called key to ending abuse

It can happen to anyone

Debating Domestic Violence in Religion

Victim Talks About Surviving Domestic Abuse

Organization gives Texas teenagers red flags on relationship violence

Organization gives Texas teenagers red flags on relationship violence

Exposing Online Predators & Cyberpaths: CALL FOR INFORMATION: NATHAN ERNEST BURL THOMAS, JR. - ON THE RUN!

relate this to the Micheal vick story below!

We treat dogs better than women

Representative Mark Olson and 'Battered Husband Syndrome'

JewBu Quest: From Abuse to Happiness: More Verbal Abuse

blog.myspace.com/angelstar8083

The Healing Art of Communication - by Ayal Hurst

Advocate's past helps her reach abuse victims

angerarchive: A Biblical View of verbal abuse

Psychological Distress Are Recipe for Higher Unemployment

Fighting Bigamy: Serial Bigamist Ed Hicks Online Trolling For His Next Victim

MyFox St. Louis | Text: FOX Files: Husband Abuse

SJ-R.COM - Senate approves bill to protect pets in domestic abuse cases

"A.A. Thoughts For Today" ~ Blog changes Daily: Thoughts For The Day~~Amends ^^*^^^ October 2, 2010